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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to NOT want my DC to go to lots of after school activities?

87 replies

leogirl · 17/09/2008 10:37

clinging mother or reasonable?!? I just don't fully understand why there is so much pressure on children going to this and that after school activity. And before everyone starts posting about the social side of it etc, I do get that - but surely even one activity is enough? what do other people's children do?

OP posts:

Arabica · 17/09/2008 11:24

I think it depends on the child and also what time they get up in the morning. DS is a natural late riser (aged 7)who'd sleep in until 9 if I let him. So after school he still has plenty of energy and we usually go to the park (no garden). He has asked to do football club on Monday and if there's no space in that, he wants to do cookery! He also has swimming lessons on Sats and music on Thursall his idea, except swimming, which I insisted onluckily he likes it.

Buda · 17/09/2008 11:31

DS does football Tues, Thurs and Fri although the Fri one may change to Lego. He also does football on a Sat morning. Could do rugby on a Sunday but I like to have one day where we don't have too be up and out.

He will also do tennis from next month.

Why? He loves them. Loves any sport. And is an only child. They are all at school except fr the tennis and we are home by 5.30. Couldn't be doing with anything that meant I had to go out again for!

OrmIrian · 17/09/2008 11:33

if your DCs want to do them then maybe you are being a bit unreasonable. But if they don't then leave it. I do feel the pressure to 'encourage' my DCs to do things but mostly they steadfastly refuse . DS#1 did a few things for ages but his enthusiasm wasn't huge and in the end he gave up. DD goes riding and swimming - she's also go sailing but can't afford.

Gateau · 17/09/2008 11:35

There's a Lego class? Oh, that sounds interesting.
My DS is just 17 months old so I'm not in the know!

OrmIrian · 17/09/2008 11:36

There are some mums that list their DC's activities in a long litany that is meant to be a jokey complaint about how frantic their lives are but ends up sounding more like 'gosh aren't I dynamic and such a good mother' I refuse to get dragged into such conversations anymore. It depresses me. And makes me feel exhausted.

Gateau · 17/09/2008 11:36

There's a Lego class? Oh, that sounds interesting.
My DS is just 17 months old so I'm not in the know!

abear · 17/09/2008 11:38

I agree with FleaCircus on that quote about about after a day at work - that is a good one. I think people are too worried about their children not being able to play tennis, ride horse etc at 6. I have a friend whose child does so much that Saturday alone includes football, tennis, and swimming - he just turned 6! Besides anything what sort of parent wants to spend their Saturday like that - we and other siblings matter too! Children need time to play, use their imaginations, and just be children!

PinkyDinkyDooToo · 17/09/2008 11:39

DS1 (5) has swimming lessons. THat is all at the momnet. When he was still in pre-school he did ballet too. I'm looking for gymanstics for him as he is good at that sort of thing. He will go to Beavers when he is 6. I don't want him to do too many activities, but I want him to do a couple as he goes to a small school so it helps to widen his friendship circle.

I think 1 activity is enough. I just answered the other thread in Chat saying that I had no activities after school as a child

multitasker · 17/09/2008 11:39

Tortoiseshell - how do you find teaching your own dc piano? I find the girls much easier than ds - but it can be difficult anyway - the over familiarity maybe. Short bursts here and there I think work best really - I try and get them to pratice before school (hiding the remote control helps)Any tips?

Gateau · 17/09/2008 11:41

I bet the parents who send their kids to all these classes are the same ones who send them to loads of classes from when they're about three months old. Nonsense.

blinks · 17/09/2008 11:42

what the hell is Beavers? Is it the same thing as Cubs or am I showing my age...?

oh- i read an interesting article by a behaviourist saying that too many activities mapped out for kids interferes with their imaginative play.

Gobbledigook · 17/09/2008 11:42

oooh, what's 'Lego' class?

Our week looks like this:

Monday - ds1 Spanish, ds1 Football (both after school)

Tuesday - ds3 swimming, ds1 Beavers (ds2 will soon be joining Beavers)

Wednesday - nothing (used to have ds1 football but have cut this out recently to give us another free night)

Thursday - nothing

Friday - nothing

Saturday - ds2 and ds3 Spanish, ds1 football

Sunday - all 3 football

I agree that kids can do too much. Mine don't really suffer when they have late nights or hectic days though and all the things they do I feel are good for them and benefit them in several ways. I'd be loathe to add anything though and I told ds1 he could not take on learning an instrument even though it's just been offered in school. If he wants to join choir in school time that would be fine.

Buda · 17/09/2008 11:42

Gateau - yes Technical Lego - so they can make robots etc. Perfect for a 7 year old boy. It's run by the TA in DS's class who seems like a lovely guy but a bit of a tech geeky type!

Oh - just realised I never really answered the OP! YANBU at all. It's up to you to decide what is right for your family. DS does his football because he loves it. If he didn't want to do anything it wouldn't bother me.

FioFio · 17/09/2008 11:43

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Message withdrawn

Gobbledigook · 17/09/2008 11:43

Beavers is where they go before cubs - Beavers is age 6-8 and they go up to cubs when they are 8.

Gobbledigook · 17/09/2008 11:44

Oh God Fio no! I never take mine shopping!

islandofsodor · 17/09/2008 11:44

It depends on the child. Dd has wanted to do anything and everything from the age of 4 onwards. I did have to put a limit on in the end when she did Stagecoach, ballet, singing club,choir, recorder club and Gym club and wanted to do occarinas as well, I told her no.

Ds on the other hand isn;t interested in much after school wise. He has carried on at Gymbobs as he enjoyed Tumbletots but that is it.

At dd's school they sign themselves up to lunctime activities themselves so I have no say over some of them!

Gateau · 17/09/2008 11:47

Shopping for youngsters - I would do anything to steer them away from that. How boring for them.

Oliveoil · 17/09/2008 11:48

it does depend on the child I agree with everyone else who has said this

dd1 is very shy and will not put herself forward for stuff if she thinks she will be 'rubbish'

dd2 grabs life by the throat and doesn't care less if she is rubbish or not

so I think she will have all the activities that school can throw at her

(also re violin lessons being poncey/bragging, I don't agree with that at all, if you child likes it, so what? I played the flute and am as common as muck)

sarah293 · 17/09/2008 11:50

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bozza · 17/09/2008 11:51

DS is 7 and DD is 4.

Our new style week is like this:
Monday - DS Beavers
Tuesday - DS football after school, DD swimming, DS football training
Wednesday - nothing
Thursday - DS swimming
Friday - nothing but usually friends round
Saturday am - DD dancing
Sunday am - sometimes DS has a match

Tuesday is the hectic one, esp as I work Tuesday and last night DH was away. DS asked for the extra football after school and I agreed to it as he would have to wait with the childminder anyway because one of the others does it. However he also has PE that day! Then I collected them from CM - they were walking down the road and DS had his pack-up while DD and I were in the swimming lesson. Then DD had her pack-up at the side of the football pitch in the rain! Usually though DH will take DS to football and there will be no need for packed teas.

Gateau · 17/09/2008 11:51

True Oliveoil. I think the point most people are making here though is about the kids who are being forced to go to classes. If they are energetic and outgoing like your DD, then great, as many activities as possible!
This is tangential, but it's strange how most people's kids are so different from eaach other isn't it? Not STRANGE in a bad way; just interesting.

MrsTeasdale · 17/09/2008 11:51

There is a little girl in my DS's class who does:

Ballet
Swimming
Rainbows (? like brownies/beavers I think)
Tennis
Trampolining
Horseriding
Gymnastics
Tag rugby
Recorder (one to one, with exams)
French

She is 6.

I feel a bit sorry for her to be honest.

FioFio · 17/09/2008 11:51

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Message withdrawn

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 17/09/2008 11:52

dd does dancing three times a week. she is four when she is five she will be old enough to do acrobatics on a saturday morning. which she will start after xmas.

she also wants to do singing lessons and learn an instrument which im trying to arrange for her for after school on a non dancing night.

and

is interested in starting karate when she is old enough

tbh i think this is too much and takes away from her socially as she never gets anytime just to play. also she cant have friends over for tea as she is always busy doing something after school. her cousin is starting her dance school tonight just so that she can see her because now she is at school f/t and has started her dancing again she is missing her as she never sees her.

but dd is very active and gets upset if you tell her she cant do things. i wanted her to stay off dancing yesterday as i was tired but she was adamant she was going. she does really play constructively at home anyway because her energy levels are so high she just bounces about the house and none of the kids near here play out so she cant do that either.

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