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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it a tad strange that my pils of 10 years sent me a birthday card with daughter on it and signed mum and dad.

24 replies

NOgirlsallowed · 14/09/2008 20:24

DH thought it was nice but I thought it was strange. I've always adressed them by there first names and the card said daughter not daughter in law on it. Should probably take it as a complement that they think that much of me but I felt very uncomfortable. Even hid the card when my parents came round to babysit and just displayed their "daughter" card. Am I being silly?

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 14/09/2008 20:27

ah i think that is cute..tho i understand your reticence

it does slightly depend on their age and their access to card buying places and how observant they are how much it might mean

ilovetochat · 14/09/2008 20:27

i'd find it strange but some people call their ils mom and dad so it's not that weird.
me and dp aren't married but his parents send us cards to son and daughter-in-law which i don't like and when his dad introduces me to people he says i'm dp's fiance which i'm not, one man even asked me when the wedding was, i said there isn't one and he looked at me like i was weird.

noonki · 14/09/2008 20:27

weird but sweet of them

noonki · 14/09/2008 20:28

mind you my mum calls my dad's parents Ma and Pa

but she is foreign so it didn't sound weird to her

BigBadMousey · 14/09/2008 20:32

I think it is really nice but I can understand you feeling a bit surprised by it after 10 years.

chefswife · 14/09/2008 20:33

you know how older people are; they have a drawer full of cards and likely they ran out of any that said daughter in law on it. seems funny after so many years to be calling you daughter too, but go with it. hiding the card from your mother is a bit daft though.

Original poster
NOgirlsallowed · 14/09/2008 20:40

Sorry about all the threads computer went abit mad! They tend to only acknowledge my birthday every other year. Sometimes they buy a really lovely thoughtful present other years they forget all together. They're not elderly by any means! They remembered this year and I got this card (no present!)

OP posts:
Original poster
NOgirlsallowed · 14/09/2008 20:48

Don't know what happened with all those threads!!!! And no I'm not new I'm a name changer. Keep changing my mind about my nickname. After This I may even change it again!

OP posts:
Original poster
NOgirlsallowed · 14/09/2008 21:11

I suppose hiding the card was abit silly but I felt abit uncomfortable with it all!

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 14/09/2008 21:12

My dad has twice bought a card with "to a dear son and daughter in law" on it. But that's just because he is a bit dozy, rather than him trying to adopt DH in some way (and distance himself from me of course...)

unknownrebelbang · 14/09/2008 21:13

Could be worse...my FIL once sent me a card to sister-in-law

queenbea · 14/09/2008 21:51

I call my ILs mom and dad and they introduce me to people as their oldest daughter even though its obvious we aren't related. I think its unusual amongst english people though.

Original poster
NOgirlsallowed · 14/09/2008 21:54

Actually all this has reminded me of the time when my husband had to be away for my birthday and posted me a card which said "for my husband"!!! . He rang me on the day and said did you get the card I said yes but I'm not your husband! !!! I explained and he saw the funny side seems he misread it and thought the card looked sweet!!

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 14/09/2008 21:55

It's weird but harmless.

PIL wanted me to call them mum and dad but I've already got those, thanks!

What's even weirder is when they signed a Season's Greetings card to my niece and nephew 'love from Mummy and Daddy'.

MIL was most irritated by nephew 'phoning up to say, "You're not my mum and dad. Can we have another card from Grandma and Grandpa, please?"

mytetherisending · 14/09/2008 22:10

It is strange after 10yrs, but years ago the sil or dil always addressed their pils as mum and dad because the marriage is supposed to be gaining a son or daughter instead of losing one iyswim. Its a respect thing, although I don't do personally with FIL as I don't like him. I call MIL mum sometimes. I prefer her to my real mum FWIW. It just shows acceptance and high esteem imo.

GodzillasBumcheek · 14/09/2008 22:11

Mmm. Many PILs think they accept you as their daughter when you marry their son, but i think it depends how close you become/are likely to become.

My mum used to send DH cards signed 'mum', which, as his own mum had recently died, he was upset by. I tactfully (lol - i am as tactful as a fluorescent green Rhinoceros)told her he didn't appreciate the sentiment and she started signing future cards 'mum (in-law)'

The weird thing is, she wasn't trying to be funny either.

pointydog · 14/09/2008 22:25

I wouldn't like that myself but some people do this to show how much you are considered part of the family, so I'd just take it as a compliment. But don't encourage it

pinkbubble · 14/09/2008 22:27

My MIL always sends me a "normal" card and signs it Mum and (its a step father)

I call her by her real name, or quite often I call her Grandma (habit) - tis a bit embarrassing when DC are not around and I forget!

frankbestfriend · 14/09/2008 22:30

Any card would be a bonus, my mil of 10 years never sends me a card at all

balletdancer · 14/09/2008 23:36

Frank - its the other way in my house! Its my Mother who cant be bothered. Breaks my heart everytime - literally. Stupid really as I set myself up for a fall at every birthday!

CoolYourJets · 14/09/2008 23:46

my dad\used to forget and sign his first name on daughter/son cards.

colacubes · 14/09/2008 23:52

I agree with frank, anything would be a bonus mine sends me sweet f a!

chefswife · 15/09/2008 00:48

well, after 18 years, i still can't get anyone that sends me cards from DH's family to spell my name correctly. and they address it with his last name, even after numerous times of telling them that i did not take his name. i never call pils mom and dad. just a bit weird for me.

jawjawnotwarwar · 15/09/2008 00:58

maybe they couldn't be bothered to write the 'in-law' bit and thought you wouldn't notice.

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