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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very angry at DDs teacher for reducing her to tears

17 replies

cikecaka · 13/09/2008 20:20

Just had a phone call from a friend enquiring if DD2 was ok, seems that on Fri at school, she wasn't completely finished her test and was finishing it off while others were handing theirs up, the girl sitting beside her informed the teacher of this and the teacher proceeded to give out to DD resulting in her being left in floods.

I know that DD is afraid of teacher,because she has given out to her a few times over the last week over unsigned journal, forgetting a book etc, I wrote a note the other day because DD tok over 2 1/2hrs to do her homewor and I thought this was unfair on a 9 yr old because she was in bed an hour lter through exhaustion but DD never handed it in beause she was too afraid.

Must add that this is the most laid back girl you could meet and nothing ever bothers her but when I questoned her over it she disolved into tears again!

AIBU Sorry for long rant, but I feel like crying over her being upset and didnt want to tell me in case I would approach the teacher

OP posts:
Twelvelegs · 13/09/2008 20:24

Ah, perhaps a gentle word with the teacher to see what you can both do to make things right. Perhaps he could write in her message book if she is forgetful, house points or something when she isn't, etc.
I think this would be better then, in the first weeks of term, going lke a bull at a gate. You could approach like this and still say how disappointed you felt that she was made to cry.
Is she struggling at school generally?

Original poster
cikecaka · 13/09/2008 20:27

No, has always had fantastic reports, she got all her spellings and tables right on Friday, she just hadnt finished writing them down.

OP posts:
yummymummy1405 · 13/09/2008 20:28

MY heart goes out to your little girl. a small minority of teachers relsih the power to ruin a small persons day. hope it gets better

SqueakyPop · 13/09/2008 20:29

If she is taking overly long to do homework, then you should have a non-confrontational word with the teacher.

It's only been one week though. I would personally wait for three incidences.

You also have the option of writing in her journal that she has done 30 minutes of hw or whatever.

Original poster
cikecaka · 13/09/2008 20:31

Think she is straight out of teacher training college and trying to exert her authority!! Am on the parents commitee at the school but dont want to wait til that meeting before raising the issue.More upset that she didnt tell me in case I would do anything about it.

OP posts:
Heated · 13/09/2008 20:35

Genuinely puzzled here (not having a go) but shouldn't you be signing the journal and helping her check her bag the night before so she doesn't forget?

Also the not handing the h/w in because she was afraid is an odd one as doesn't your dd realise she'll be in trouble for it?

It just seems like your poor dd is getting in trouble for a lot of little things and it's all starting to mount up.

Twelvelegs · 13/09/2008 20:38

Time to talk to the teacher for sure.

Original poster
cikecaka · 13/09/2008 20:40

I genuinely forgot to sign the homework journal, have signed it every night since she started getting homework.Her book got mixed up with her sister who was doing her homework. She didnt hand in the note I wrote about her taking 2 and a half hours to do the homework. Her sister is in the same year at school but not the same class and only has 40 mins of homework each evening so I know I am not over reacting

OP posts:
Original poster
cikecaka · 13/09/2008 20:40

I genuinely forgot to sign the homework journal, have signed it every night since she started getting homework.Her book got mixed up with her sister who was doing her homework. She didnt hand in the note I wrote about her taking 2 and a half hours to do the homework. Her sister is in the same year at school but not the same class and only has 40 mins of homework each evening so I know I am not over reacting

OP posts:
Original poster
cikecaka · 13/09/2008 20:40

I genuinely forgot to sign the homework journal, have signed it every night since she started getting homework.Her book got mixed up with her sister who was doing her homework. She didnt hand in the note I wrote about her taking 2 and a half hours to do the homework. Her sister is in the same year at school but not the same class and only has 40 mins of homework each evening so I know I am not over reacting

OP posts:
Original poster
cikecaka · 13/09/2008 20:42

Apologies. Hit the post reply button too many times

OP posts:
Heated · 13/09/2008 20:53

To get the result I wanted, I'd see the teacher to explain mea culpa over the journal signing/book mix-up (so it's clear it's not dd's fault) and then ask about dd's upset. You can then mention the time dd is spending on her h/w in contrast to your other dc, it's all building up and getting too much for her.

I don't think you'll get a "I'm so sorry, I was harsh on dd" but you may well make the teacher feel guilty, reflect and 'adjust' the way she deals with dd - so she realises it's not dd not trying, but that she is bit fragile and overwhelmed at the minute and could do with some tlc.

SqueakyPop · 13/09/2008 21:00

If DD is not handing over your notes, for whatever reason, then it is reasonable to have a meeting with the teacher.

vixma · 13/09/2008 21:15

your teacher is supposed to nurtureyour childs confidence so this sound really out of order. You nee to let the teacher be aware of not only how your daughter feels but how you feel about the situation. Poor little thing.

hecate · 13/09/2008 21:59

"give out"? What does that mean? Tell off?

Not nice for your daughter that she was told off, but could it be that there was a test, which was to be completed in a certain time. The teacher told them time was up and to put down their pens. She carried on, therefore disobaying him, and that is what she was told off for? Carrying on a test when the class had been instructed to stop? Certainly in my schooldays, it was pen down whether finished or not and if you tried to carry on, it was considered cheating and you would be in bother!

If teacher's approach is upsetting, a word would certainly be a good idea. But if your daughter is breaking rules - not finishing a test when instructed, not bringing a book, not completing a homework, not having something signed..then these are all things a student would quite reasonably be pulled up on. It should just be done in a way that doesn't leave them feeling upset or humiliated.

Original poster
cikecaka · 14/09/2008 14:46

Thanks everyone. Will go and see the teacher tomorrow, especially as another mother told me this morning, that the teacher continued to tell her off even when she started to cry

OP posts:
babyignoramus · 14/09/2008 15:15

I had a teacher that bullied me at school, and I really think you should try and nip this in the bud as it still affects me now to an extent (NB it was about 20 years ago). She took a dislike to me and used to enjoy being really sarcastic to me in front of the whole class (eg, oh Babyig's finished her reading book, welldone, everyone give her a round of applause etc. etc.) . You musn't let her get away with it!

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