what am I? A babysitter?

[ilovetochat]

i do have pmt but i still think i'm nbu. DP works full time mon-fri and part time sat and 1 evening a week but parttime job is a paid hobby and he purely does it through choice. This week he went out mon night to a hobby, tues was his evening job, wed was our family night (i insist on 1 a week),thurs ils came round, fri he went to pub after work. When he got home from pub he said "my mate asked me to play golf now but i'm not going to cos of the weather."
FFS, how about "i'm not going to cos i've been out all week and it wouldn't be fair to leave you looking after dd again"
next week has is going out mon, wed and pub fri and said "i will prob play golf next week on thurs", this leaves us 1 night and ils will want to visit at some point. AAAGH.

Is DD yours?

yes, she is ours but i look after her all day (SAHM) and i think because i gave up work he thinks i should look after her ALL the time.
If i wanted to go out without dd(which i never do as i bf)i would have to ask dp if he will be in and fit round feeds/meals etc, but he goes out whenever he likes.

your DP sounds just like my BF hubby - he goes out all the time without checking/asking my friend will be in to look after their chidren YET if my friend wants to go out to gym/meet me etc she has to check with hubby

and most times he cant do it,as has to work/see a mate etc, or he is late back, and that REALLY pisses me off, that he mucks my BF around

so no YANBU

think you need to have a night off to call your own each week,so that DP can look after his child, whether you go out&see a friend/go to gym or have a nice relaxing bath and lock the door, have a glass of wine and pretend you arent there

YANBU, am on your behalf. Do as imanany says and try to get one night a week that is for you. Even if all you do is go out and do the weekly food shop or something. I know that sounds silly, but at least it may start to get the point across that she is your child together not yours alone.

the problem is if i go out on the only night dp is in we don't see each other at all, i know that's his fault but i like us to be together.
i've been invited to a friend's house fri night but i prob won't go, i'd have to wait for him to come back from pub, then ils prob come so it looks rude to walk out and i have to bf dd after her bath which is normally 8.30 (i know that's late but she only sleeps 9hrs) and by the time i've done all that i'm too tired to get ready and go out.
when dp is with dd he is brilliant with her, feedsher, baths her, plays with her, puts her to bed, he is just rarely here and i've told him that imo he will look back and regret missing out on so much time.

Er...is missing a Friday night at the pub going to be detrimental to his health or something?

You have been invited out on Friday night. It's your turn to go.

If leaving DD is a problem, take her with you.