To be annoyed that dp has put the heating on and lied about it.

[twinsetandpearls]

Do does feel the cold really easily but under our present financial circumstances I have said I would like the heatin to stay off as long as possible. We must simply layer up and sit under blamkets. Dp agreed.
I also get very hot because of my medication and it makes me feel really ill.

Dp is a bit sniffly and when I came home the house was really hot, I said is the heating on, dp said no. He works from home. Just now I said to him it is really hot in here and I am feeling ill is it on and he said no. I said I will just check, he then had a minor paddy and said "My word should be enough why do you have to check." The heating was on, I have turned it off and have now had to open the door to let air in the house. Dp has gone to bed in a huff.

We have done the curtains, lined curtains all over the house even over the front door. We are in a rented house atm but the loft has just been insulated. i think we could reduce our food budget, I have been told off on here for my extravagent sunday dinners.

I've not seen your Sunday dinners but could you cut them a bit for heating for your DP?
He does sound a bit selfish if he won't wear a jumper but if you can juggle so he is warm, then I guess he should be if he's contributing to the house too.

You sound like you are a bit stuck, worried about paying the heating bills, and worried about your DP being cross if he's not warm, and worried about DP being warm as he pays too.

I don't know what to suggest now, sorry.

Could I just put in a word for your poor dp. I am one of those people, like him, who is always cold. I find myself with 3 sweaters and a jacket shivering in the same room where most others are in a t-shirt and perfectly comfortable. I spent most of my childhood being told to put on another sweater which didn't really help. And I now rarely visit my parents (whom I adore and have a lovely relationship with) because I am truly miserable from cold in their home. My mother is still sure that I am imagining it and will get hardier when I am older (I am already 45, so maybe when I hit menopause those hot flashes will help!). I am not making it up and I really can't function when I am cold and unfortunately I am cold in circumstances that most others would find perfectly acceptable. I think that if my dh (who luckily is quite understanding) were to insist that we had to keep the heat off as a cost saving measure, I would be tempted to turn the heat on when he wasn't around and lie about it.

On the other end of things I am perfectly happy in 100 degree weather without air conditioning (obviously happens a little more frequently here in Los Angeles than there in the uk). So energy and money gets saved on that side of things.

It wasn't just me , we did agree together to try and turn the heating off. I don't want to make dp miserable and feel a bit of a cow for making him so uncomfortable in his own home that he has to lie.

I will suggest to him that perhaps we only have a sunday dinner once a month which is not going to impress dd as she loves them. But i suppose lots of families are making cutbacks.

Can see both your points of view. I am a very cold person and hate being cold in my own home but equally he should not have lied.

I wonder why your word takes precedence over his though - why should the heating be off just because you want it to be?

My word does not take precedence at all, infact it rarely does. I was the one who raised the subject as due to decisions that dp had made we have less money and need to reduce our outgoings. But we agreed to reduce the utility bills, my contribution was to remember things like turning off lights, not using tumble drier etc. I asked him if he could use the heating less, perhaps if we could sit under blankets etc. He agreed.

The heating is back on, he got up and put it on last night making our bedroom so hot that I have had to sleep in the spare room where I could turn off te radiator and open the window.

I am now musnetting in the garden! wearing my dressing gown and wellies!

Is he responsible for the household finances in any way, TAP? It sounds like you're the one whose doing all the worrying, and the way you describe yourself dealing with him is a bit parental.

Don't mean to be critical, (you seem to be doing a good job about that yourself - stop it straight away!), but his behaviour is irrationally childish - which could be a reaction to being treated this way.

Maybe he should be the one to deal with it all to truly take responsibility for the bills and therefore accept responsibility for cutting down on things like heating.

Twinset - I feel your pain! My DH works from home too, and until recently I was out all day working in a nice toasty office. I pay the utilities bills, and felt very about coming home to find him sitting at the laptop in his boxers, T-shirt and flip-flops in the middle of winter, with the radiators full on all through the house!

Can you just concentrate on keeping the dining room snug and leave the central heating off? You can get very cheap little oil-filled radiators with thermostats from places like Argos which really belt out the heat (not fan-heaters which are useless). Heavy second-hand velvet curtains from eBay will cut out the window draughts.

I resorted to leaving a woolly pully and thick socks actually on his computer desk, and made sure he was fully dressed before I left the house every morning .

Re. the bedroom - have you tried putting an extra high-tog single duvet on his side of the bed instead of having the heating on? I feel the cold more than DH, and this worked for us! (Hate radiators on in bedrooms overnight - always wake up feeling like I've got the 'flu!)

TSAP stop beating yourself up about bullying him. The fact is, he is a grown man and he made an agreement with you. If he then realised that the agreement wasn't going to work for him, he should have re-negotiated and worked like an adult with you, not gone behind your back like a powerless individual in your relationship.

It is his responsibility to negotiate properly, as much as it is yours.

I was cold in the house the other day and DH pompously told me (from his over-heated office where he was lounging in a short-sleeved shirt) that I was not to put the heating on, but find a jumper instead.
I'm afraid to say I told him to bugger off . And promptly flicked the switch.

As an aside... One thing to try is making sure that your DP is wearing warm socks.

I know it sounds petty and a silly thing but quite a few experiments have been done and basically if you can feel a draught on your feet you will feel colder than if you don't. Even if you are actually in a warmer room - think it has to be several degrees warmer to compensate for the draughts if you see what I mean.

And if you sit in rooms that are the same temperature, one with a draught on your feet and one without, then the draughty one is usually reported as feeling several degrees cooler than the other one.

Lots of physiological reasons as to why but am too tired to remember them and write those out for now - but it is worth a try - it definitely helps.

It gets really cold when you are working from home sometimes. Your DH should be able to put the heating on if he fels he needs it. But he should not have lied to you.

We both share responisbility for the bills, but he is not a worrier whereas I am. He does just seem to bumble through life whereas I am the one who plans. When I leave him to do things they just don;t get done. So for example he wanted to take responsibility for doing dd homework, she never did it and we got a letter from her school. he takes the rubbish out, I end up doing it. Last week I got fed up and thought I will leave the rubbish bag in the kitchen, We ended up with overflowing bags and flies. A few nights a week I have to work late in the office so dp does dd tea and puts her to bed, too often he leaves her to sleep on the sofa, or she does not brush her teeth, or goes to bed late or dressed. Taking advice from friends I did not interfere but let him see that if she did not have routine she became a moody mare. But it just ends up with him going mad at her when she becomes a moody mare. I am moaning about him and he is a wonderful man and dd adores him but he does not do practical day to dy things.

I have backed down and the heating is on, this does mean we are having to sleep in seperate rooms during the week as I need my sleep and cannot sleep in the heat.

I have a feeling I will end up living in the garage as that is the only place that is not unbearably hot.

pmsl at ski jacket!

lol I used to do that, we both do have a cold though so it would not be fair and if he woke up and saw he would go mad. I am growing to love the spare room.

But it's actually NOT COLD atm.

Have reluctantly turned heating on for an hour twice a day - recent levels of rain & 2 dc in nappies means it's that or run tumble dryer 3 hours a day - & it's uncomfortably warm in my house afaic.

Portable fan heater might be the answer (but not green or particularly economical).

Tell me about it ravenAK our thermometer outside read 26 degrees this afternoon.

I have seen him last week sat at his desk with the heating on, a halogen heater and a fan heater on his feet.