To be annoyed that dp has put the heating on and lied about it.

[twinsetandpearls]

Do does feel the cold really easily but under our present financial circumstances I have said I would like the heatin to stay off as long as possible. We must simply layer up and sit under blamkets. Dp agreed.
I also get very hot because of my medication and it makes me feel really ill.

Dp is a bit sniffly and when I came home the house was really hot, I said is the heating on, dp said no. He works from home. Just now I said to him it is really hot in here and I am feeling ill is it on and he said no. I said I will just check, he then had a minor paddy and said "My word should be enough why do you have to check." The heating was on, I have turned it off and have now had to open the door to let air in the house. Dp has gone to bed in a huff.

My house is not miserable, far from being cold dd is forever running about in very little. For some reason dp seems to have very poor circulation, but equally he rarely wears anything heavier than a t shirt. I am on a medication that makes me feel hot anyway so any extra heat and I feel really ill.

So why do you think he lied? And why did he have the heating on if he was not feeling cold?

I think he probably was cold, or rather not that he was cold but that he was not baking hot. When I asked him why he lied he said he said he had not put the heating on, which is rather odd as he has been the only one in the house. I think he is feeling guilty that he knows we are supposed to be pulling together as a family to get through a financially testing time and he has not done so. I don;t understand why he went around the house and turned on every radiator when he could have just put the radiator on in his room.

I feel for him a wee bit.
I'm the coldest person ever, I'd have the heating on every day, even in summer if I could but I can't afford it, even on the coldest days.
Maybe he just agreed with you thinking he could sneak it on when you are out as you won't agree to it?, although I understand you can't afford it.
Can you re-shuffle the budget to allow for a wee bit more heating?
Being cold is shit, I did it all last winter and I'll be doing it again this year and I'm dreading it

Whether it is comfortable or not we only have a limited income, from which we are paying a mortgage, a rent and now having to pay for a funeral. The clutch needs fixing on the car. In order to give dd a better quality of life dp is working less hours, at his request I have given up responsibility at work meaning I earn less. We have made cutbacks elsewhere and can't afford to heat our house like a turkish sauna.

I can sympathise in that at work everyone else wants it to be so much hotter that I do. ( I pay the heating bills!)It makes me sluggish and irritable

I can't stand feeling hot indoors and agree it is such a waste of energy / money

However I have come to accept that peoples' internal thermostats are very different and what I consider too hot is another person's chilly.

my point about the lying is that he only did it because he knew you disapproved

However wandering round the house in a t shirt is taking the piss.

GET A JUMPER ON MR TWINSET!

Well then why agree, why let me think our heating bill is going to be reduced when it is not. He works in the dining room and there is a loo downstairs. So he only needed to put on the dining room radiator and the one in the loo and possibly the hall to allow for that long walk! But why every other room.

I must be a complete tyrant jasper if a grown man feels the need to sneak on the heating and lie about it. I am not trying to be sarcastic or glib I must be a complete cow.

Can I just say he also has jeans on, he is now wondering around just in a t shirt

Just had a flash moment and realised that dp obsession with heating probably comes from the fact that he grew up in a house with no heating, often no gas or electric.

I bet I am doing that teacher thing again, dp says I come home sometimes and talk to him like one of my year 10s. God I am crap.

Oh I feel bad now for posting what I did, I didn't mean you are a tyrant at all T&P.
Yes, walking around with the heating on wearing a T-Shirt is taking the piss, my heating goes on when I'm wearing a coat and gloves, and a scarf and shivering, and even then only when DD is home from school so she doesn't know I can't afford heating!

Could you get a heater for the room he uses most though, and agree it goes on only if he's cold when wearing warm clothes?

No I probably am mugglewump. He has a heater for the room he sits in that goes on as well as the radiator.

I don;t want to go down the line of saying to a grown man what he can and cannot wear in order to have the heating on. If he can't work out that money is tight and that we can't afford to have all the heating on all day every day there is no hope.

Huh. I grew up in a house with no central heating (though there were open fires and electric radiators) - bedrooms were freezing. It ought to have toughened him up! I'm here at my normal workplace, no wooly or socks, not even got dog on lap, in lancashire... its well after midnight and still over 14 C outside and nearly 20 inside our unheated house. It really isn't cold yet!

He needs to wear clothes if he's cold. Esp since you really can't take heat. Oh, and I'm afraid you ought to have a smaller dog, yours is too big to me a lapwarmer. A dachshund is perfect

It is the same outside temperature here, have checked.

The dog makes a great bodywarmer

If you're heating one room to work in, check if theres draughts - they might be making him feel chillier than he should. My mum (in aforementioned uncentrally heated house) was very keen on draught excluders.

Oh you aren't T&P, I feel terrible now.
Heating bills are expensive.
Have you sat him down and showed him exactly how much it costs with the bils? Would that work do you think?
My (last year) 6yr old managed to turn off every light, not waste anything and appreciate she had to share a bath with me when my shower broke, plus she was far less bothered about freezing all winter than I was/will be!
Big jumpers, warming food, huddling in the kitchen when cooking said food, house olympics, walks outside, duvets and hot chocolate...
We had loads of fun last winter, well DD did, and I guess I did too, it just stings that I know why we were doing it but she didn't notice!

please don;t feel bad muggle although I joked about being right at the beginning the whole point of an AIBU thread is to hear a variety of viewpoints.

I can get a bee in my bonnett about things and dp has told me before that I snap at people. I don't deserve him really. We need to relook at our budget and maybe make cutbacks elsewhere.

twinset whoa there with the feeling like a complete cow / tyrant! THINGS ARE NOT SO BAD.

this is a minor domestic issue where middle ground will prevail.You have a valid point about the heating bills.
( The lying is a red herring and should be ignored.He was caught on the hop and now probably regrets not being straight .)

At some point this weekend calmly bring up the topic of your JOINT, AGREED cost cutting efforts, of which household heaing bills is just one part.

perhaps agree to turn off the indiviual thermostats on all radiators except in the room he works. Gently suggest a fleece/jumper, and that he gets up from his desk every 15 minutes to do the hokey cokey to heat up.

Good luck.
I feel your pain and like you I sometimes shove my pain slightly too hard down the throat of my beloved

Tbh I can't because I know he wants the heating on just like sometimes I want a pair of shoes we can't afford and dp says go on then. I need to say go on then about the heating. Maybe I need to wear less! Or perhaps if I got off my fat backside and did more exercise I would not be as overweight and therefore not as hot.

New shoes only alter your footprint not your carbon footprint. we all ought to be trying to minimize heating anyway. Don't just say 'go on' - find a happy medium of him warm enough when he's working but not wasting too much and boiling you.

But I thought we had found common ground and it meant nothing because days later he put the heating on and then felt necessary to liek about it. I need to stop inflicting myself on him.

Sometimes habits take practice, twinset. Try talking again about it. Tell him that you're worried, and sad that he felt the need to lie. This isn't about either of you being horrible - it's something you both need to work out together.

But he won't admit he was lying so that is a no go, he will only get angry of I mention that again.

I am not horrible but suspect I have become a dominating nagging shrew albeit with good intentions. For him there is not a compromise as he must be really cold and that is not fair. I think I will just leave it and make cutbacks elsewhere.

Ok. Look into your insulation, curtains, draft excluders, etc and see where you are with them for now - focus on something practical and positive. He bloody well should wear jumpers, mind.