...to be pissed off with DH for ogling teenagers in Starbucks while I breastfed our baby right next to him?

[badwife]

..even though I don't want to have sex with him at the moment? I didn't realise what he was looking at and then was really shocked and upset. Baby is 5 months old and we have only had sex once since he was born. I don't really want to, combination of low sex drive anyway (once a week was fine for me in the old days), exhaustion, still bf every 3 hours, not much opportunity (baby sleeps in our room). I think it will be different once I am bfing less and once DS is in his own room, but for the time being am just not up for it. Sitting up close on the sofa, holding hands, sleeping curled up together, hugs and kisses all fine...just don't want sex.

So, AIBU to be annoyed with him for leering at teenagers? They were about 15 or 16 and wearing tiny shorts. Made me feel about 100 years old and ugly.

He was upset with himself and apologised, said he didn't think they looked that young and he also realises it was pretty disrespectful to me, but also says he feels awful all the time because he is so frustrated.

True, the OP does feel bad about herself but that's NOT her dh's fault and I still don't blame him for looking at attractive girls, I bet he really wants to have sex with HER, but she's not interested.

Yes MonkeyTrousers, I agree and think it is natural to want to look at beautiful things. I like looking at beautiful women as well as men. Even babies spend longer looking at pictures of 'beautiful' (very symetrical) people's faces in research.

Well not so much over reacting but styill full of hormones. And lets not forget masturbation is always available - in a lifetime relationship 5 months is not a long time.

I agree WWW, it's unfair for anyone to put the blame onto someone else for the way they are feelings. It is not the OP's DH's fault she is feeling like this.

It is probably because they were wearing those shorts. I think men are programmed to look at women when they aren't wearing much, even if they aren't gorgeous but have a half-decent figure.

You're feeling bad about it because you have a 5 month old and all that stuff is far from your mind right now. But it won't last. I think it's understandable this got to you though.

ha think i've only had sex with my dh once before the baby arrived er last year

don't think he remembers how to oggle either

but yeah i'd be pissed off at your dh if i were you

I'd be pissed off if I had a partner who expected me not to ogle beautiful people, or got the hump with me if I did tbh.

And I think 5 months is a long time for a man to go patiently without any sex when he's in a relationship with someone he loves. It must be tough for him.

Never mind my dh, I'd go mad if I hadn't had sex for 5 months!

I do understand it's hard after a baby though (fnar, fnar, sorry!)

So would I www.

No it's not his fault but surely it's not a HUGE leap for even the most insensitive and boorish man to see why this might be a bit hurtful!

Electra has it about right I think.

lol batters, I did go 'eww' at that!

I agree, if the OP is feeling upset then her dh needs to recognise her feelings. They are her feelings and no one can argue with that, if it's what oyu feel, it's what you feel. And I don't remotely think it's her fault her dh was lookingI think he would have looked regardless probably.

I bet if she told him how she's feeling she'd get "I love you and I want to have sex with YOU and I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, it was just looking" or something.

And I don't think men need to be de spunked (gosh, eww) but I think it's reasonable for both people in a relationship to want sex. I think sex is important.

Agree with the witches on this one . 5 months is not a reasonable time to expect one partner to patiently do without a very important aspect of the relationship.

Yes, the OP felt upset as a result of her DH's leering, but he apologised, so there isn't much piont in her carrying on being pissed off with him.

It's not his fault she got upset though, she's responsible for her reactions, not him. We are all alone responsible for our feelings and emotions and it's not fair to blame others for them.

He should have bene more sensitive, yes. Hopefully he will be now she has pointed out how upset she was.

I do agree that sex is important for a marriage though, so as a seperate issue it probably needs to be adressed within the relationship.

Good point HW.
I am not pointing the blame at the Op but I think she also needs to see it from her DHs point of view.
AND there is a difference between looking at and leering.
i often look twice at pretty girls because they look so pretty and we all like pretty things - I also look at handsome young men too, in fact prob leer at them!! LOL!

i think men don;t guess ages correctly, if i see dh looking at a younger woman i ask him how old he thinsk she is, his reply is usually a good 5 years older than i would say they are. i then promplty remind him that they are young enough to be his daughter and how would he feel if some old man was 'eyeing up' his daughter when she was 14/15/16. that soon shuts him up and averts his eyes.