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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to shoot my husband in these circumstances.......

39 replies

MummyAnnabella · 10/09/2008 15:40

50 miles from home and work my car basically blows up at 12pm. i text husbnad and work to say what has happened while i wait for roadside assist man. work immed call wanting to know can they do anything.

30 min later H texts to say he has a appt at 2pm and can come and get me about 5pm! yes that is 5 hours later and i am at side of road in rain. and yes that was texts and not calls.

over an hour passes and i makes calls and basically sort out a tow truck and a garage. H does not call in meantime to see if i am okay or what he can do.

2 hours later he calls to see what is happening and i tell him i have it sorted and thanks for his concern! he then tells me i have worked myself up over nothing and not to take it out on him!

btw i am 33 weeks pregnant and had my last baby prematurely and am high risk of another early labour.

what would you do? AIBU by wanting to kill him??

OP posts:
Pinkjenny · 10/09/2008 15:41

YANBU at all.

are you married to my dh?

beanieb · 10/09/2008 15:42

Is everything else ok in your relationship or was this a one off?

I would be mad but wouldn't shoot him unless he's generally a pillock as this may have tipped me over the edge.

harleyd · 10/09/2008 15:42

i want to shoot mine for less

so no, yanbu

onepieceoflollipop · 10/09/2008 15:42

Some of us tend to get a bit lazy thinking a text will do when really a call is needed.

I wonder what type of appt your dh had at 2pm? If he is a brain surgeon them perhaps YABU.

Tbh I would in those circumstances sorted things out for myself as it seems you were able to do fairly easily.

I understand you feeling a bit unsupported though.

masalachameleon · 10/09/2008 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumblechum · 10/09/2008 15:43

We-ell, if it wasn't for the preg, I'd say that I'd normally expect to sort that type of thing out for myself, but in view of the fact that you're 33 wks preg, you may on this occasion wear the IANBU badge.

Salleroo · 10/09/2008 15:43

Whoooooo, well done you for sorting it all out. I have to say I'd kill him, what a git. My DH is a star and would have sorted it all for me, I would have no idea where to start with tow trucks and garages etc. So again, a big pat on the back for you, a kick up the backside and no dinner for him!

MorningTownRide · 10/09/2008 15:44

I can't provide a gun but I can offer a saucepan for repeated thwacking.

PinkTulips · 10/09/2008 15:44

arse.

you know you'd probably get off if you did shoot him as you could plead temporary insanity due to the hormones

sorry you had such an appalling day, make his life miserable for the evening.

onepieceoflollipop · 10/09/2008 15:46

Salleroo you said you have no idea where to start re tow trucks and garages etc. Tbh I am a bit by that.

I strongly believe that any driver (male or female) should have an idea of how to access help in such an emergency. In my case I have basic breakdown cover. Most companies give priority to people travelling alone or vulnerable.

What would you do if you broke down and couldn't get hold of your dh/dp?

MmeLindt · 10/09/2008 15:46

If you were not pregnant, then I would say that you are being unreasonable. Given the circumstances then he should have at least called to see if you were ok.

Was his appointment important?

mumblechum · 10/09/2008 15:48

That's the thing, really, isn't it?

If the pregnancy wasn't an issue and your dh broke down, how would you feel if he phoned you at work expecting you to help him out?

Agree AA cover absolutely essential.

MrsWeasley · 10/09/2008 15:50

YANBU and yes shoot him or send him to us lot. He would so wish he has come running to your aid

onepieceoflollipop · 10/09/2008 15:52

Yes the pregnancy is an issue, I understand that. However I think that if you are well enough to be travelling unaccompanied 50 miles from home then you should have some alternative ways of seeking help. It is likely that your dh won't always be able to respond to you as quickly as you would like.

To repeat what I said earlier, I do feel that his text was a mistake; a quick and supportive phone call from him may well have changed your feelings.

PinkTulips · 10/09/2008 15:54

i think she's more concerned about the fact that she had no lift home and was pregnant and stranded and he didn't seem to care than about having to sort tow trucks.

it can be a long wait for a tow truck and not all of them will even give you a lift to the garage, a cab won't collect you if your in an awkward spot so she was put in a position of possibly having to walk somewhere while pregnant with a high risk preg.

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 10/09/2008 15:55

thanks this has made me smile after a shit day!

i didnt expect him to sort out the tow truck etc for me pg or not but a phonecall to see if i was okay? if i needed a lift? what was happening?

his appt at 2pm was far from brain surgery and could easily be covered by someone else. it was the fact he didnt even offer to get me before it which was possible or change it. it was the text versus the call and the 5 hour wait before he would even try and help.

oh and the why are you annoyed with me attitude as if I was the one in the wrong. he is generally fairly useless too - last night he went out for a smoke while i hoovered at 33 weeks PG!!!! i then bathed Ds and made dinner while he did his fantasy football.

well if i have had a shit day he is in for a shit evening!!

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 10/09/2008 16:02

yes pink tulips it was that he didnt even care that made me mad. i am well enough to travel etc and capable of sorting things out but not to phone?! evn tow truck guy said he would have phoned his wife right away!!

mumble he did call me to work once with car trouble and for the record i called the garage for him and offered to go get him.

mrsW - may take you up on that - what would you do to him??

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 10/09/2008 16:03

Who is annoyed with you?

If he is "generally fairly useless" then perhaps this is the real issue? Why is he incapable of hoovering? Why is he not bathing your ds? (apologies if he has a physical disability, but you don't make mention of this)

If you accept this behaviour then I imagine he will continue to behave in this way.

onepieceoflollipop · 10/09/2008 16:04

I said twice that he should have rung you rather than texted, and that I am not surprised that you felt unsupported.

MmeLindt · 10/09/2008 16:05

Make him spend the WHOLE evening on MN on this thread. That will make him sit up and think.

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 10/09/2008 16:11

he was annoyed with me when i asked on the phone 3 hours later why it had taken so long to call!

he doesnt have physical or mental disbility - that i know of anyway - though that would explain a lot!! he isnt incapable of anything but is just a selfish prick!

that is why i got annoyed with him so he could see i wasnt accepting his useless behaviour but he just started shouting at me!! could can i possibly change him??!! he can never accept he is wrong and never apologises.

OP posts:
lizziemun · 10/09/2008 16:21

YANBU

When i was car jacked on the way to work in Hemel and DH worked in central London (by train). He had just got to his office when i rang him to say what had happened, he phone my mum who was 5mins down the road (she already knew as the police had taken me to her) He got back on the train to Hemel and came and got from the police station.

And again a week later we had snow and i was driving an hire car and it took me 6 hours to get from Hemel to Luton and i was stuck on the M1 he was prepared to come out on his Bike to 'rescue me'.

wehaveallbeenthere · 10/09/2008 16:49

I would've texted back (with the second text) that you've run off with the mechanic....DH can find his dinner in the market.

sashmum · 10/09/2008 16:49

YANBU

if that was me and i called/texted my DH i know he would come to help me asap whether i was pregnant or not.

The same as i would do for him, he's my husband fgs, thats what we do, help each other

edam · 10/09/2008 16:55

He was being an arse and if he isn't VERY apologetic about it he should be in big trouble. That's no way to treat your heavily pregnant wife!

(Lizziemum, were you really carjacked between Luton and Hemel?! Blimey. Am a bit scared now as I live in Herts. between the two!)