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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think unjustified accusations of child abuse is out of order

84 replies

roseability · 09/09/2008 14:21

I am not a troll just genuinely shocked and upset by posts that are downright bullying and abusive in nature.

I am well prepared for the fact that I am going to get slated for this but I really feel this should be a website for support, advice and a bit of a laugh.

Nothing wrong with a debate and difference of opinion in a respectful manner but when people start getting accused of child abuse unfairly I can't help feeling angry.

My father mentally abused me as a child and young person. All in the name of 'constructive criticism' and 'telling it how it is' and to 'toughen me up'. I ended up in counselling.

My point is twofold. For those of you that feel it is okay to insult someone because they should be able to take it on a website such as this, think about what you may be doing to that person and how crap they might feel. Make you feel warm inside does it?

Secondly with reference to the child abuse accusations the irony is that these kind of posts are abusive and bullying. Do you speak to your children in such a way justified by 'well you should be tough enough to take it'. Hope not or you are heading for a very dysfunctional relationship with them.

No wonder so many women struggle with mothering when they are faced with this on a so called Mum's website.

Whilst I don't think putting a 14mo to bed without tea was necessarily the best way to stop fussy eating but I don't think this mother is abusive. It sounds like she was having a shit day and at the end of her tether. We have all been there. I'm sure if the LO had woken up hungry, she wouldn't have let her starve ffs.

I am not the bananagate OP and I am not taking it personally. God I started a thread about being fat at size 16 and took it on the chin as it was intended to be a bit of a laugh. But child abuse is no laugh.

Rant over. my name will be forever mud in murky mumsnet waters. But wtf and I must thank the nice mumsnetters who help, advise and support. In these instances this website is invaluable and I wish I had known about it when my DS was first born!

OP posts:

Hulababy · 09/09/2008 14:59

Oh, I like soup, we all do here. But it is okay for a light eal or for a starter - but I don;t find it that filling. I think it is because there is no chewing involved perhaps.

FioFio · 09/09/2008 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 09/09/2008 15:02

there are some soups in the recipes section here which are very filling and yummy scrummy.

especially with a supper of Mum's oats and dried fruit muffins.

Gateau · 09/09/2008 15:05

Broccoli and blue stilton soup in Nigella Lawson;'s Domestic Goddess book is divine and a breeze to make. Our toddler loves it.

PinkTulips · 09/09/2008 15:07

what if your 14 month old refused food.

then refused the replacement food.

then refused to eat toast or yogurt or fruit or dates or rice cakes or any other option available?

dd used to at 14 months and went to bed not having eaten much all day really.

like fio said..... if they're hungry during the ight they wake and then you try with some milk or light food.

dd never really did though except once or twice.... she just ate more than 3 bites of her breakfast for a change!

unless you have experiance of a paticular behaviour it's hard to understand the reasons a mother has to cope with it in a certain manner... and calling someone an abuser for simply dealing with a behaviour as best they can is wrong.... and like the op said, it's hardly the first time it's happened round MN..... the contexts i've read the word abuse in recently have ranged from the hysterical to the simply bizarre imo

Original poster

roseability · 09/09/2008 15:44

ExPat you are right, I need to step away for a while!

OP posts:

SmugColditz · 09/09/2008 16:09

The baby didn't refuse a replacement, she asked for a banana and was (initially) told no. Soup or nothing.

MrsMattie · 09/09/2008 16:11

Oh God please stop. Threads about other threads. Whinge whinge fucking whinge. And then people get all offended when some of us cannot help but go:

PinkTulips · 09/09/2008 16:22

have just read the thread and your right, it is a bit differant.

i'm still not convinced it's child abuse though, maybe a little strict for the age but not abuse.

it's how the vast majority of my irish family were raised and they were all fabulous eaters as older kids, and were all big sturdy healthy kids.

Sycamoretree · 09/09/2008 16:29

I think it's pretty obvious if you read Rose's posts why someone in her shoes might be more sensitive to the term child abuse being bandied around. It sort of belittles what she went through doesn it, to equate it with a mother in a quandry over homemade soup or a banana...

roseability - sometimes I think people say Child Abuse, but they don't really mean it I don't think - they are just looking for a way to get a point across in a strong way - I was on that thread and I didn't take that accusation literally - but maybe that's just me. I think at least it made the OP look at what she had done from another perspective, and she seemed pretty tough and self confident - she took it in her stride and for what it was.

Lovesdogsandcats · 09/09/2008 16:39

16 is fat?
Really?

Sycamoretree · 09/09/2008 16:42

16 isn't fat - maybe overweight, but not fat. And I say that as an ex size 18 - not clinging desperately to my size 12...but the pies keep calling me.

Sycamoretree · 09/09/2008 16:42

NOW clinging desperately...

SmugColditz · 09/09/2008 16:46

DAMMIT we talked about this, I'm a size 16, 5'2 and a smidge, and really quite fat. BMI is very very overweight.

SmugColditz · 09/09/2008 16:47

Friend is 5'11, size 16, and not overweight at all. BMI of 24 I think

Sycamoretree · 09/09/2008 16:49

Yes, forgot to say depends how tall you are. I'm 5 ft 6 and at 13 stone had a whopping great big BMI that made me clinically obese.

Mercy · 09/09/2008 16:55

Why aren't we 'allowed' to do threads about other threads?

TheFallenMadonna · 09/09/2008 16:59

I was wondering that too Mercy. I've just started one (about constitutional reform, so probably not as many posts as this one ) because it was something I thought of while I was reading another thread.

This isn't attacking another poster, or carrying over a specific argument from one thread to another. It's something that came up on the banana thread (I mentioned it myself in fact) but which is relevant not just to that one.

OrmIrian · 09/09/2008 17:34

I'm not sure about that 'rule' either. Is it written somewhere.....

PeppermintPatty · 09/09/2008 18:08

I didn't get upset by the child abuse accusations because I KNOW I'm not a child abuser. Any more than SmugColditz or anyone else making the accusation is.

Tell me I'm wrong and tell me why I'm wrong, give advice etc - that's constuctive and all fine by me. But I do think the accusations of child abuse were unnecessary.

bloomingfedup · 09/09/2008 18:24

If PMP is not upset why is anybody else? Move on......

PeppermintPatty · 09/09/2008 18:29

Exactly blooming

soon2be3 · 09/09/2008 18:34

Totally agree with OP. OP is very reasonable.

bloomingfedup · 09/09/2008 18:36

PMP - i'm glad no are not b'overed (or what ever they say in chavsville - oh we could start a new debate about that) It gets hot in the AIBU kitchen does'nt it?

I hope you've had more success with tea tonight - actually don't answer that or it could be along night.LOL.

noonki · 09/09/2008 18:58

I agree with OP wholeheartedly on the use of the term abuse being banded about, it undermines true cases of abuse (though these of course are on a sliding scale)

but had the banana thread been put in food section it would have hopefully received more constructive comments -

AIBU should have a flashing warning when you attempt to post replies may contain strong bitchyness be warned !!!

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