To think unjustified accusations of child abuse is out of order

[roseability]

I am not a troll just genuinely shocked and upset by posts that are downright bullying and abusive in nature.

I am well prepared for the fact that I am going to get slated for this but I really feel this should be a website for support, advice and a bit of a laugh.

Nothing wrong with a debate and difference of opinion in a respectful manner but when people start getting accused of child abuse unfairly I can't help feeling angry.

My father mentally abused me as a child and young person. All in the name of 'constructive criticism' and 'telling it how it is' and to 'toughen me up'. I ended up in counselling.

My point is twofold. For those of you that feel it is okay to insult someone because they should be able to take it on a website such as this, think about what you may be doing to that person and how crap they might feel. Make you feel warm inside does it?

Secondly with reference to the child abuse accusations the irony is that these kind of posts are abusive and bullying. Do you speak to your children in such a way justified by 'well you should be tough enough to take it'. Hope not or you are heading for a very dysfunctional relationship with them.

No wonder so many women struggle with mothering when they are faced with this on a so called Mum's website.

Whilst I don't think putting a 14mo to bed without tea was necessarily the best way to stop fussy eating but I don't think this mother is abusive. It sounds like she was having a shit day and at the end of her tether. We have all been there. I'm sure if the LO had woken up hungry, she wouldn't have let her starve ffs.

I am not the bananagate OP and I am not taking it personally. God I started a thread about being fat at size 16 and took it on the chin as it was intended to be a bit of a laugh. But child abuse is no laugh.

Rant over. my name will be forever mud in murky mumsnet waters. But wtf and I must thank the nice mumsnetters who help, advise and support. In these instances this website is invaluable and I wish I had known about it when my DS was first born!

Hula

I 'heart' soup and so do my DC. Homemade, lowfat, cheap, filling and yummy.

Accusations of child abuse are not 'not nice'. They are inflammatory and, for the most part, inaccurate. Someone choosing to be a different sort of parent does not automatically make them a child abuser. It is possible to express an opinion, and offer advice, without using the child abuse label.

Can you equate that with slapping a child? I have yelled at my DS (not often) when I have been below par and I know it is wrong thus I apologise and hug him afterwards and he gets so much love in a secure relationship that I don't think I should be accused of child abuse

I always feel so guilty about it that I sometimes post on here. I usually get responses that yes it is wrong but human etc etc. I would feel sick if someone accused me of child abuse probably take it to heart and feel very down on myself. You have to be careful

No its not nice to accuse someone of child abuse. However, it does seem that if you post in AIBU you are classed as fair game.

Blooming i 'heart' soup too but can't make it for love nor money can i have some of yours

mostly when people call something abuse its because they haven't come across real abuse. I do take your point on that but you would be far better (as I think you did) to point out what abuse really is on the same thread rather than setting up another thread. The problme is that there is a grey line between one of unreasonable/stressed/tired parenting and abuse - senidng you 14 month old to bed wihtout dinner might just be a bit foolish once but if it was something you did regularly or felt was generally appropriate it would fall into the abuse category.

Some people have a tendancy to be quite nasty in their posts. Ignore it, but do try to differentiate between concerned bluntness and bitchiness. Ohterwise you can miss the best of what MN has to offer.

Rose,

I think if you are that deliacte AIBU is NOT the place for you. It is your responsibilty to protect yourself not other peoples.

generally, starting a thread about a thread isn't considered a good idea. However

If the op had made the point on the thread in question it would have been lost. Surely it's valid to have a separate discussion about the issue? As the thread in question is not the first (and certainly won't be the last) where someone has shouted child abuce.

I also think child abuse is bandied abuout far too lightly here. Of course the OP you are referring to is not a child abuser.
HOWEVER this is an OPEN forum and if someone really thinks this then they are entitled to their views.

Tam

It is the easiest meal in the world - honest and a great way to get veggies in to kids and wayward DH like mine.

Gateau,

I actually agree with you on this one.

In your opinion what is abuse then smugcolditz?

Everytime someone shouts at their child? Smacks their child (which I don't do or agree with but if someone does it as a one of due to loss of control)? Lets their kid watch too much TV?

Where do we draw the line. If all parenting imperfections are considered abuse how do we attain perfection?

I do agree with OP child abuse is thrown at people alot on here smoking parents are abusing there children apparently but I do think OP u should make ur point on the threads themselves that way anyone actually saying these things can back up the reasons for saying etc

I know, but mine always turns out really crap even i can't stomach it

Tam

LOL - you're alot cause then!

Kewcumber I agree with you fully well said

'lost cause'

Aha,bloomin', we meet again, my old enemy!!

Gateau

Wahaha - would love to stop - but have to do the school run!

i didn't open the thread in question as i had an inkling what way it would go and as the mother of a 3 year old who regularly refuses food and goes to bed with nothing as she simply refuses to eat i didn't feel like listening to the usual perfect mommies with their 10 million perfect mommy solutions that simply don't fecking work with an actual picky eater.

surprised it went as far as accusations of child abuse..... how bizarre. my dd's dietician told me sending her to bed hungry after offering food and it being refused was absolutely the right way to go as offering 20 alternatives would only worsen the problem.

might go and check out that thread and see if there's any point posting that now.

fwiw, my mother was a mentally abusive bwitch as well, still is, so you have my deepest empathy on what you went through.

colditz.... abuse should be pointed out when it is actually abuse.... not when it's trying to teach a child that if they don't eat they get hungry.

well, hey, there was a call for children of smokers to be taken into care here, too, as well as formula-feeding being a form of abuse.

you see all sorts on this board.

it's a microcosym of society, and that's no bad thing. i prefer the take it or leave it approach.

admittedly, you need to have a thicker skin to stay round.

but either way, a good MO is that anytime you find yourself getting worked up over a net form full of strangers, it's not a bad time to just step away, at least for a while.

It wasn't a child, it was a baby.

Which is completely different.

Ds1 has been to bed hungry a couple of times, when he was 4, because he fecked about with "Want it, don't want it, want it, want something else" until I gave up.

I didn't do it when he was 14 months old, and I hope if I had done it, someone would tell me it was wrong. Nobody told me not to leave him to cry

Are we not allowed to tell people when they are doing horrible things to babies, for fear that it's not a nice thing to say?

WELL SAID EXPAT.