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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect replies to my DD's party invitation?

15 replies

MollyCherry · 09/09/2008 01:54

We sent out 10 invitations to her nursery school friends for her 4th birthday party this coming Saturday. Am still waiting to hear from 6 parents as to whether or not their kids are coming.
Am thinking will take take in a little note for them giving parents a nudge when DD goes in on Thursday if I still haven't heard anything.
Any opinions much appreciated.

OP posts:
AvenaLife · 09/09/2008 01:55

I don't think you are being unreasonable. They should let you know.

S1ur · 09/09/2008 01:57

my dd's 4th birthday is this sat too

I have had a couple of word of mouth replies but there all my friends anyway so I just text them on Firday to check.

Sure take a note if you it would reassure you, include your mobile number and invite texts to confirm.

Hethbell · 09/09/2008 01:58

This happened to me! Found the parents had just forgot. I lurked at the nursery door and asked them as they came out. Also got my daughter to talk to her friends which tends to get pasted to the parents as well.

Original poster
MollyCherry · 09/09/2008 02:14

Slur - Not having a big theme this year (did princesses and pirates last year). Had planned a joint do with some friends whose DS was 4 last week, with magician/disco etc, but got made redundant at end of June so had to scale it down. Have got about 12 kids (hopefully!) round to ours for party games, and am going to black out the conservatory and stick some fairy lights up to make a disco for them.
Problem with outstanding 'guests' is that being from nursery I barely know the kids by sight, let alone the parents!
You are being v. brave making costume. DD had a pirate party at nursery a couple of weeks ago and completely refused to go in 'trousers like a boy pirate', so though I would be doing the same thing. Thankfully my mum did her silver surfer bit and tracked down a girly one on ebay! She's better with it than me and she's nearly 70!!!

OP posts:
Bettyboobird · 09/09/2008 07:47

YANBU

We had the same thing with dd1's party in June.

It was so frustrating because I wanted to know numbers for party bags/catering etc. We'd also hired a lady to do arts, crafts and messy play with them and her fee was dependent on how many children attended.

We sent out invites 3 weeks before with an RSVP date to either my mobile or email. Still, people didn't reply!

So I catered for the max number and was short by 3 children on the day. Like you, I didn't ever see dd's friends' parents at nursery, so couldn't chase the invites.

I was more cross with the nursery for dd2's party, as they didn't even hand out the invites until the Thurs before the party on Saturday!! No wonder we weren't getting any RSVPs!

Next year, we will organise a VERY low key affair x

trumpetgirl · 09/09/2008 15:40

I have to admit that on occassion, I haven't let people know whether or not dd will be attending a party until the last minute ...but this is due to the fact that I'm not entirely sure if I can make it, and tell them that instead!

The first birthday party I arranged for dd was last year, and it annoyed me that people hadn't got back to me. I then found out that my dd had some invitation replies in her drawer at school, and that some kids were meant to give them to dd... but had forgotten and the replies were in their drawers at school!!!
I think you should ask people in a calm and non-accusing manner as there might just be some mix up.
Saying that, why would anyone give a reply to their child to give to my child to give to me and expect that to actually happen???

Original poster
MollyCherry · 09/09/2008 20:57

Am just going to drop a note in to each non replier saying something along the lines of "hi X, please can you ask your mummy or daddy to let my mummy know if you can make it to my birthday party saturday - thanks. Hope to see you there. love from DD" with contact details. Don't think that's too accusatory...?

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 09/09/2008 21:02

YANBU but for some reason a lot of parents don't bother to reply. It's a hassle if you don't know the parents. If I know the parents then I text/ring them but very nicely iykwim.

TheInvisableManDidIt · 09/09/2008 21:08

The people who don't respond really bug me.

But not as much as the people who turn up with the child you've inivted, and also 2 or 3 of their cousins/siblings/ and do the 'oh i hope you dont mind but can x,y &z stay too'

onepieceoflollipop · 09/09/2008 21:12

Depending on the type of party why not consider having fairly flexible food so that it is not a big deal if some of the original invitees don't turn up, but extra siblings do. Ditto re party bags.

It does annoy me though - I think it is terribly bad manners.

Dd was invited to a party the day before my due date last year. I wrote a polite note to the hostess explaining we would love to come but asking if she would understand if we opted out at the last minute. She sent me an equally lovely note back saying of course that was fine. So imo even if the odd one or two parents don't know until last minute, they could still explain.

IDoEverything · 09/09/2008 21:42

Ooooh, don't even start me on that one Invisible MAn.

I like making quite an effort with my parties. I really enjoy putting together a theme and doing welcome gifts, decorations & party bags etc all in the theme.

Therefore, it drives me mad when people turn up with extra kids because

a)I will have catered for the number of kids I invited and although I may have 1 or 2 things spare if everybody turns up with their whole family I can't give to everyone

b)I cater the party to the age group it is planned for and then it all goes to pit when I suddenly end up with a room full of all sorts of ages from 0-10 yrs.

Grrrr....

Sorry for the rant - YANBU by the way. Not replying is the scond most irritating thing about parties (after the uninvited siblings issue).

Word · 09/09/2008 21:55

YANBU - but just beware, it's not impossible for invitations not to make it home - unless of course, you handed out the invitations to the parents yourself.

This has happened to me. But yes, usually it's just that people can't be ar**d to reply - usually when they've no intention of coming.

onthepier · 09/09/2008 22:32

I had this last year with my ds's party. There were 3 people I hadn't heard from by the day before. Saw 2 of them chatting at the school gate + asked them. They looked at me as if I was being unreasonable + said, "Of course, we would have TOLD you if we weren't"!

Wrong way round in my opinion!

mrsruffallo · 09/09/2008 22:35

IME the ones who don't RSVP are probably coming

Word · 09/09/2008 22:36

Mine too, Onthepier!

Do these people really not understand RSVP?

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