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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to give my dd "in the night garden" toys?

150 replies

babymt · 07/09/2008 14:16

My dd2 was 2 on friday and for her birthday has been given by 2 seperate people an In the Night Garden book and a dolly (Upsy Daisy). AIBU to not let her have them?

My reasons are that I A. Passionately hate the program as I just think its completely idiotic and B. Think that her having them toys makes it look like I endorce the show.

I know lots of you will let your children watch ITNG and they love it. But I don't like it and will under no circumstances let mine watch it. I'm not criticising those who let their kids watch it, its just something that bugs me.

Also AIBU to be annoyed that people seem to give my kids inappropriate toys i.e. books for 5+ year olds (including Enid Blytons for my 2 year old!) or baby books. Or toys will loads of little bits when my dd's a "put everything in her mouth"er.

I feel a bit bad for my dd2 coz she didn't get hardly anything she liked for her birthday. Which is also embarassing for me. You know when they do that rip the present open then throw it on the floor then display no interest when someone tries to show them it.

Ok I IABU a bit I think.

OP posts:
hecate · 07/09/2008 16:35

Yes. You are unreasonable.

you are looking at it with adult eyes. Your child is not an adult. Their world is different. They like different things and they see different things. They like colours and patterns and noises. They like silly things that move in a funny way and make them laugh.

Adults overanalyse and overcomplicate things.

tiggerlovestobounce · 07/09/2008 16:44

YABU

Its normal for them to rip open presents and immediately drop the present. It doesnt mean they dont like it, just that they are 2.

You might not want your child watch ITNG, but that doesnt mean that they cant enjoy the toy for itself.

Some people will give your child innapropriate toys, thats just how it is, can be hard to judge right, especially for people who dont have children themselves, but its pretty ignorant to not even be grateful for the sentiment behind the gift.

ScottishMummy · 07/09/2008 16:45

blimey not only do you deny your daughter for vague reasons you also complain about presents people buy.

some battles are biggies eg discipline,behaviour and yes they are non-negotiable with definitive "under no circumstances" statements

is this worth your foot stamping and hand ringing

sorry but your are coming acorss a ungrateful and bitty harsh,judgey

other parents may chose ITNG. so what if they do?no reason to bug you - really

so unclench -only a children tv show
no biggie really

TotalChaos · 07/09/2008 16:54

YABU. particularly wrt to the doll. I can see why the books may get on your tits if the programme does!

Original poster
babymt · 07/09/2008 16:56

OK OK OK! Sorry I dared to ask if it was educational!!! Of course tele doesn't have to be educational I was just prompted by someone else to ask if it was. And some people have said it is.

I only let them watch what I think is appropriate and whats not too annoying for me. Why should my life be turned upside down because of my child? Yes my life has changed but I should not have to tolerate a childrens tv programme I distest. Just like I shouldn't have to put up with behaviour I don't like. Or language I don't like. Surely thats part of what parentings about? And makes everyone individual?

She hasn't seen ITNG nor ever will and therefore will not know whats shes missing out on.

Shes not in the slightest bit interested in tv despite me trying to get her interested (anyone suggest I let her watch ITNG and I will be forced to scream very loudly). My eldest loves tv but doesn't get to watch it very often. She watches Peppa Pig, Dora, Thomas, Postman Pat, My Little Pony, etc. Basically something with a story to it. Most things on cbeebies she doesn't like and I'm not a big fan of things like boogie beebies. I get the idea of them and why they should be good but neither of mine seem to like them.

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 07/09/2008 16:58

If you want to choose the exact thing your DD gets for her birthday then you either need to write a list, ask for money or tell people that you do not want any presents (running the risk of people hating you BTW).

Otherwise you need to accept that a gift is entirely at the discretion of the giver and they can give whatever they like. Unless it is inappropriate/dangerous/against your fundamental beliefs and lifestyle eg a joint of beef for a vegetarian, then you say thank you on behalf of your DD and hopefully let her get on with enjoying it. She is not an extension of you, she is a person in her own right to whom a gift has been given.

YABU

Monkeytrousers · 07/09/2008 16:58

Baby MT?

Are you my baby?

TheProvincialLady · 07/09/2008 17:00

Oh I have just read your last post

Look, you still get to choose whether she watches tv. Do you think they put secret tv screens inside the toys or that the books contain instructions on how to get to comet in a buggy without someone pushing?

YABAM

Original poster
babymt · 07/09/2008 17:00

ScottishMummy - I never said it was a biggie. Its a simple question I was wondering peoples opinions on. I am most certainly not "foot stamping and hand ringing
" coz by god its not worth it.

I just thought this was a forum to sound people out on stuff. So sorry if I got that wrong.

Wishing I'd never bloody asked now.

OP posts:
Original poster
babymt · 07/09/2008 17:03

And I shouldn't have ranted about the people buying presents I don't like issue. It was just that...a rant. I'm sure alot of you have taken things back you didn't like or at least thought about it. Or given something away you didn't like/wasn't appropriate. It was just a rant, an observation.

I only really wanted to ask the ITNG question.

OP posts:
Yurtgirl · 07/09/2008 17:07

Babymt - I absolutely detest ITNG as well and for the same reasons as you, mine have never watched teletubbies or night garden.

But if someone gives you a gift you have to accept it with grace etc - you can quietly disappear it in a few months without her or the giver noticing Im sure

SoupDragon · 07/09/2008 17:10

"whats not too annoying for me"

The whole point of children's TV is that you don't have to watch it, you go and Mumsnet instead!

Yurtgirl · 07/09/2008 17:14

Babymt - fear not you are not alone, cos Im on your side on both issues really

I also get quite stressy (privately)when my kids get given stuff I find abhorrent it comes with the territory of being a parent Im afraid - moan quietly to yourself and move on

wotulookinat · 07/09/2008 17:19

I think YABU. Firstly, you are being ungrateful for gifts. Secondly, although you are entitled to your own views regarding TV (which I respect), TV does have its merits - I think it helps kids to form connections between things. I mean that they start to recognise characters from the TV in other mediums, if that makes sense.
Why not pop the ITNG toys on Ebay and buy your daughter something else with the dosh?

Original poster
babymt · 07/09/2008 17:23

Yurtgirl - thanks for your messages. Also to anyone else not flaming me.

I do appreciate those who think IABU and will therefore let her have the doll (but not the book) since the response has been so overwhelming that IABU.

But I'm not letting her watch it. I wasn't asking if I should or not as I've already decided long ago that they won't be watching anything like that and tbh I don't care what anyone thinks about that. And once again I am always thoroughly thankful and appreciative to people when they give me gifts etc. I am not an unkind, rude person thank you very much.

OP posts:
DonutMum · 07/09/2008 17:29

Hi babymt - just wanted to say sorry you've been flamed. I've been flamed too and you're right, no point asking aibu? because someone will always say you are, and often in a most unreasonable way

Doodle2U · 07/09/2008 17:36

bomb the bastards

ScottishMummy · 07/09/2008 18:31

babymt no one is flaming you.you asked am AIBU got an answer (clearly not to your liking) that is a dialogue not anyone having a go

nonetheless to be expected,post AIBU inevitably get a range of responses

NorthernLurker · 07/09/2008 18:40

Can you tell us what is wrong with INTG? You obviously have very strong feelings about this and I can't for the life of me think what's so offensive about it? As others have said it contains many, many elements which small children find intriguing - so what exactly is it that you object to so much that you won't let your child watch it?
Obviously she's your child and it's you choice - I'm just curious about you rationale for making it.

TotalChaos · 07/09/2008 18:45

I can sympathise with the loathing of a telly programme - as I harbour an irrational hatred of the Tweenies (horrible bright shouty things).

TheProvincialLady · 07/09/2008 18:48

There are lots of programmes aimed at young children that irritate me and I would not let DS watch them - simply because they get on my wick. Like the teletubbies and the tweenies. I hate them. Also I don't want DS to watch much tv so ITNG is enough for us.

CrushWithEyeliner · 07/09/2008 18:50

can someone let me know WHY she doesn't like ITNG it as BMT is not answering me and I am genuinely curious....

NorthernLurker · 07/09/2008 18:52

Crush - i've asked that too as I am also burning with curiousity

Hulababy · 07/09/2008 18:54

"whats not too annoying for me"

Wait till it is The Disney Channel, and Hannah Montana, Suite Life of..., High School Musical, etc. Nw, that is when it is mindless drivel - and yet you still find yourself knowing the words to the songs!

Hulababy · 07/09/2008 18:56

Ah you see - I'd prefer tog ive bok than doll.

But then we are huge book fans and IMO, and book that grabs a child's attention and introduces that love of books and reading is a good thing.