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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

dh in a duvet on sofa until 10 - 11 in the morning

9 replies

Sassafrass · 30/08/2008 21:52

We just had a new baby two weeks ago and already have dd1 who is three. DH is unemployed and since the baby will only sleep with me he gets up with dd1 in the mornings. He feels very sorry for himself having to do this. He sleeps in a seperate bed right now so he doesn't get disturbed at all at night. She wakes up around 7-8 and he will then sit around naked wrapped in a duvet doing absolutely nothing except sort out breakfast for dd1 and snooze on the sofa. This really annoys me when I get up with dd2. I just wish he'd get dressed around 9 at least, sort out dd1, get her dressed, brush her hair and so on. Instead I try to do these things while holding a baby who screams when put down. I wouldn't mind if he did it on weekends, but it's every single day. The house looks a mess and I'm stuck feeding dd2 constantly and can't do much and it really really gets on my nerves. Of course when I complain he gets all grouchy because I get grumpy too easily!

Rant over...

OP posts:

LaVieEnRose · 30/08/2008 21:56

er, he needs a kick up the arse and quick! Have you asked him to dress dd1 (not that you should have to!)

And why does he get the unbroken nights sleep? It's not as if he has a job to go to in the morning. And even if he did, so what? They're his kids to look after too

Sorry for you, you must be knackered.

fishie · 30/08/2008 21:56

have you any family or friends to help out? it sounds very unfun for all (and particularly you)

Dropdeadfred · 30/08/2008 21:59

kick him off the sofa...literally.
He needs to start being a man and acting like the father that he is...

Original poster

Sassafrass · 30/08/2008 22:03

He is well aware that I don't think it's on to sit around until mid day but he thinks it is. He does dress dd1 but not until he's good and ready, so around 11.30ish. Of course that means that the tv is on cbeebies or nick jr all morning which I'm not superhappy about either.

I don't mind him getting unbroken sleep since dd2 cosleeps with me and is breastfeed often throughout the night, so not much he could do anyway. I do resent him moaning about being tired though and have told him so.

I really don't know what to do, I ask him to apply for jobs every day since if I don't he'll just conveniently forget about it. He's a good dad and once it's after 12 he will help out with entertaining dd1 but like a lot of men is just oblivious to housework. I asked him to fold up and put away the laundry a week ago. It got done today after I had a major hissy fit and told him all the things he could do instead of sitting around like a lump on the sofa.

My pil are great and take dd1 every sunday and I think tomorrow I will try to get him to spend that time doing some actual work instead of me handing a sleeping baby to him to sit with on the sofa while I do lots of housework. I'm recovering from mastitis, a c-section and am trying to get my milk supply up as baby isn't gaining weight so I just think some more support would have been nice.

OP posts:

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 30/08/2008 22:04

and your dh is how old? not much practical advise other than explain to him that its time he grew up and supported you a little. emotionally and financially.

fishie · 30/08/2008 22:04

why doesn't he have a job?

Original poster

Sassafrass · 30/08/2008 22:08

He was made redundant last november. At that time we decided that he would be at home with dd1 for a while, while looking for work. It saved on childcare while I was working full time. To be fair, he did a really good job and as dd1 was then going to preschool at 9 each morning he couldnt just sit around. He really isn't a morning person but I do think there's a limit to how many hours you can be mostly asleep on the sofa before you get things done.

Right now I just wish he would get a job and be out of my hair and I'd just sort stuff out myself even if it would be hard work taking care of both children on my own.

OP posts:

Saturn74 · 30/08/2008 22:09

Wow, he sounds like he's adding to the workload, instead of easing it.
Write lists - make it very, very clear what needs to be done.
It's sad, but it sounds like he needs a rocket up his backside in order to take some responsibility for his fair share of things.

Do you have any friends/family that you and the children could stay with for a few days?

Could anyone entertain DD1, whilst you rest in bed with the little one?

You deserve to be pampered and cared for, instead of worrying about things at home.

Original poster

Sassafrass · 30/08/2008 22:13

All my family are in Sweden and much as I like my in-laws it would drive me mad to go stay with them.

I think I will just have to go down the nagging route and constantly ask him to do stuff. He will do it, as long as he's asked and nagged, I just don't see why it should be my job to nag him. When I was unemployed I applied for every teaching job I could find, filling in applications forms almost every evening. I've always loved that he is mellow and relaxed but it seems to have gone overboard now.

OP posts:

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