Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the entranceway to Tescos is not the BEST place to sit your boy on his potty?

143 replies

fryalot · 30/08/2008 20:57

I mean, couldn't they have taken him to the free public tescos toilet?

Does everyone have to see this poor little lad doing his business on their way to do their shopping?

I don't think IABU, I cannot think of a single reason why this would be okay. Can you enlighten me?

OP posts:
HonoriaGlossop · 30/08/2008 22:51

The world is obviously utterly divided down one line and it is the line of toddler pee or poo

It would utterly mystify me that anyone would not be grossed out by this when more socially acceptable alternatives were perfectly possible. I think it's to do with courtesy. I really, honestly don't want to see even a small person shitting or pissing in the shop doorway and I really don't think that makes me odd or unusual....

MuchLessTiredNow · 30/08/2008 22:52

ds2 is a nightmare for not being able to hold it in - mummy I need to go and I need to go now - even though we have been out of nappies for 4 months now. I have even had to produce the porta potty in the middle of M&S (not so easy to sprint for the loo when you have a 4yo and a baby in tow) - but, I do make sure we have lots of antibac wipes..... (know you're going to be squonk) - but life has to carry on and sometimes I cannot stay in the house all day.

adamadamum · 30/08/2008 22:53

Squonk, thanks for appreciating my point. In return, I can also see more of yours.

If there was really an OK place of equal distance just around the corner, then of course, the mother ideally should have placed the potty there.

However, do any of us know how well aquainted the mother was to the store? Is it possible that she genuinely did not realise that there was a better option?

If it is not a store that you visit frequently, you won't know where to let your child pee in an emergency. And kids don't wait very long after all!

She probably in a moment of panic did the best that she thought she could.

But I will agree with you that any mother who knows the store well should of course use that side, rather than the entrance, if they can't make it to the toilets.

Something that has surprisingly only just ocurred to me - can we be 100% sure that her child doesn't have special needs, adding to the difficulties?

My daughter has SN and is still in nappies aged 5, but toilet training will be a HUGE challenge when the time comes...

Original poster
fryalot · 30/08/2008 22:53

I wouldn't suggest you should stay in the house all day.

Just try not to make people step over your children when they're pooing

OP posts:
MuchLessTiredNow · 30/08/2008 22:54
Grin
Washersaurus · 30/08/2008 22:55

Little boys don't have dignity - my son discovered his foreskin in the ladies toilets today and was keen to announce/show it off to everyone in there

Potty training is shite, and for me has been the most unenjoyable part of parenting so far. I couldn't care less if I have offended anyone by letting my son use his potty in public, I care more that I don't end up with another set of wet/pooey clothes to add to my washing pile...sorry.

Original poster
fryalot · 30/08/2008 22:55

adadamamum - in all honesty, she wouldn't have had to know the store at all, she could have seen the passageway. If you imagine walking up to the entrance, to your left is the alley, and sort of in the middle of your line of sight is tescos front door, with the rest of the tesco store being to the right.

She seriously could not have missed it.

And SN or not, if she had time to pull out the potty, pull his trousers and undies down and sit him on the potty, she also had time to go round the side of the shop.

OP posts:
Original poster
fryalot · 30/08/2008 22:57

washersaurus - again, it's not the public bit that got me, it was how public it was, how inconvenient for everyone else it was and how completely and utterly embarrassing it could have been for her son.

And there was a perfectly acceptable alternative which would have been absolutely no more hassle/time.

OP posts:
MuchLessTiredNow · 30/08/2008 22:58

yup, I'm with you, wash....potty training is shite, literally

Washersaurus · 30/08/2008 23:02

TBH if I had seen what you describe Squonk, I would have just thought to myself, "phew, glad that isn't me and my DS" and then promptly forgotten about it

But thankyou, I now know what not to do when out and about with a potty training DS

MilaMae · 30/08/2008 23:04

Well I've done 3 practically all in one go. I seem to remember never going anywhere without a potty in the early days. In those situations it's either in a potty or on the floor, I know which I'd rather have.

Everybody round here seems to have a potty in a bag permanently hanging off the back of the pushchair when potty training. I thought everybody did.

Clearly you all have 3 year olds with cast iron bladders up country

Original poster
fryalot · 30/08/2008 23:07

milamea - it wasn't the potty.
it wasn't the potty in public.
it was the people having to walk around the potty as they were trying to do their shopping.
When there was an alternative.

It was not the fact that he was on a potty.
I do not have a problem with potties
I do not have a problem with potties outside the house.

I have a problem with inconsiderate people who have absolutely no consideration for other folk.

That's all really.

OP posts:
MilaMae · 30/08/2008 23:13

You see I had somebody berate me when cleaning up wee in the doorway of my town hall. We were right next to the loo, one of my twins just didn't make it. If I'd whipped the potty out there would have been no wee on the floor, but then I'd have been berated by people such as yourself anyway. The poor woman was in a loose,loose situation.

Cut her a bit of slack,we've all been there.

cat64 · 30/08/2008 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

QueenyEisGotTheBall · 30/08/2008 23:19

i think its inappropriate to expect your child to pull his/her pants down and do a wee in public totally in view of others i only do this with DD at home and if we have to go shopping i will put a pull up on her as she always decides she needs a wee as soon as we got anywhere and has had more than one major wee dripping on the floor from a shopping trolley accidents i'd bet that the mother of the poor little boy would never dream of dropping trou and weeing in front of tescos!! its a decency thing and i understand that and i am potty training my DD like a demon at the moment i would rather make sure DD is confident being able to hold her wee in for a few minutes while we find a toilet or if she does start weeing it is in a nappy/pull up and we avoid the tears and upset of having to change her clothes and mine usually as i get we carrying her
i agree with squonk that the mum could have found a better less open and less humiliating place for her son to do a wee!!
xx ei xx

nappyaddict · 30/08/2008 23:20
Original poster
fryalot · 30/08/2008 23:22

nappyaddict - the question about a potty by the car?

I wouldn't frown at that.

well, unless there was a perfectly good toilet (clean, druggie free and with fresh toilet tissue) right next to the car

OP posts:
LittleDorrit · 30/08/2008 23:24

Just wanted to agree that potty training is really not fun and sometimes you just have to do the best you can. Around many parts of London there are very few public toilets. My DD (only recently potty trained) goes in a normal toilet if we are in a cafe or somewhere like that, but I also carry around a portable potty and there have been many situations where I have just had to find a quiet corner on a street and got DD to use the portable potty. It would have taken too long to try to find a toiler and also often you can't just go into a cafe or a restaurant and use the loo if you are not a customer. (Btw the portable potties have a bag, so no problems with disposing of contents). I think is a problem that many modern parents sturggle with.
I remember reading an article a couple of years ago about a study showing that there are fewer and fewer public toilets in the UK, and that this a major barrier to parents of young children and old people - they stress about being out and not being able to find a toiler when they need to.

Washersaurus · 30/08/2008 23:24

"i'd bet that the mother of the poor little boy would never dream of dropping trou and weeing in front of tescos!!"

Well, I'm sure as hell the mother wouldn't want to go out shopping wearing itchy pants made of paper and plastic either!

I don't think it is appropriate to pick and choose when you think it is convenient for your DC to wear pants and use the potty/toilet, and to put them nappies/pull ups when it suits you. I should think that has more of an effect on a child's confidence than having to poo/wee in public.

Original poster
fryalot · 30/08/2008 23:24

littledorrit - a quiet corner, I wouldn't have minded

OP posts:
adamadamum · 30/08/2008 23:25

MilaMae I love your reply! Here am I trying to be all nice and diplomatic...I am with you!

But Squonk, I am also with you in a way, I am seeing more where you're coming from, from your description of the store.

I still think though, that there is a reasonable chance that even if the mother saw the alleyway, she may have felt like she needed to act quickly, and in a little moment of panic perhaps chose the entrance rather than the alley without thinking. She may well have been sleep deprived and we all know how that can effect us!

Plus sadly, we can't be sure that she hasn't had some bad experience in the past which may make her at best apprehensive, at worst terrified of alleyways.

I have never been raped by a stranger in a shop doorway like that poor girl mentioned earlier, but I am apprehensive of secluded pathways. Aren't most women the same?

It could have been that, or tiredness that steered her to the doorway.

Who knows.

nappyaddict · 30/08/2008 23:26

actually i just realised i never got around to posting the question.

it was about putting a child on a potty on a pavement or in a shop.

MilaMae · 30/08/2008 23:29

I don't remember having a lot of choice concerning the exact location of potty being whipped out in the 1st few weeks, it was an immediate on the spot thing or Niagra Falls,but then I was carting round 2 others around too.

Finding a socially acceptable spot,steering pushchair,dragging other 3 year old along with bursting 3 year old to said spot,pulling down pants, getting out potty would have taken far too long as I found out on several occasions.

I used to hide potty behind pushchair,stand in front,nobody offended and more importantly no wee on floor.

handlemecarefully · 30/08/2008 23:30

I wouldn't have been bothered as such, just a bit perplexed and pondering "there is nowt so queer as folk" - agree, can't see why the toddler couldn't have been relocated to a quieter venue - for his own sake more than anything!

luckylady74 · 30/08/2008 23:38

When my ds1(he has sn but I don't know if this was why) started training at 3yrs he didn't get fully what an appropriate place was - he knew he had to leave the shop but not where to and he didn't tell me when he neede it either.
This resulted in me turning around to see him weeing in the entrance of boots and off the step of the off licence. I didn't know he had sn at this point and I thought he was ready - he was in terms of bladder control.
Probably didn't apply in this case, but just a thought!