To Not Make His Dinner

[memoo]

DP and I both work full time. When I finish I still have all the house hold chores to do as well as sorting out the DC, make their tea, homework, bath etc.

I do all the housework and laundry, including DP's. Basically he does nothing around the house at all. I'm not too bothered by this as I'm home by 4 and he doesn't get in until after 8.

But the one thing I generally don't do is make his dinner. The DC have theirs at 5 and I usually eat with them. There is always stuff in for him to make, including a few ready meals that he just has to microwave (oh the shame!!) but when I have been on my feet for 12 hours working my arse off I am just to knackered to make him big meals. I'm up at 7 and then between work and the kids I don't get to sit down till at least 8pm.

At weekends we cook things together and always have a big lunch on a Sunday.

The thing is I can tell that this bothers DP a little, and when it came out in coversation one day when we were at his mothers she nearly had a fit!

So am I being unreasonable, am i just crap and lazy!?

'If you are home at 4 and cook tea for children and yourself then yes i think you could cook dh something or prepare something ready(even if its just parboiling his potatoes or preparing his salad).

its what makes a family-looking after each other imo.'

He's not looking after anyone else but himself. She's doing all the housework and childcare stuff in addition to working FT, too.

I can't for the life of me understand why ANYONE, male or female, would put up with this.

I'll bring my girls up to dump men who expect women to skivvy for them asap.

Absolutely. Of course no one should put with being treated like a skivvy.
I'm lucky to find myself in the position that I actually worry I get away with too little on occassions(!) I think my DH must do 60% of the cooking, works 5days a week, I work 3, he does a decent amount of housework and loads and loads of the childcare at the weekends..... I feel very lucky when I read posts such as the op. And on MN there are far, faaar worse DHs out there.

I agree with Expat. How the hell do these men get away with it? No chance would it happen round here.

But, I still stand by what I said about the poor bloke eating dinner by himself every evening. Of course, children need to be brought up with family dinners round the table being the norm, conversation, hub of the home an' all that, but that can be achieved with them eating their dinner on their own/as a 2/3/4/5 -child no.s depending(!)- and then allowing parents time to be a couple as well.

As children get older and stay up later, then of course it's easier for a family to all eat together every evening. And as I said earlier, there are the weekends to do with what you will and ensure that happens in the early years too.

Besides, when my two are eating their tea, I am sitting there, with a cup of tea, or slice of toast or something anyway, so we are all there, round one table, 'talking' to eachother- as much as a grown woman can have a conversation with a 9mth old. Conversation with 3yr old of course always highly entertaining

There's always weekends for the couple to eat together, too, bergen.

There's always sharing a glass of wine with him whilst he eats - after getting it himself.

DH and I sometimes don't eat together because of his shifts.

I wouldn't want to eat so late in the evening. He prefers it.

But he also doesn't expect me to maid for him, which I wouldn't do, anyhow.

WE usually work together to put together meals for the slow cooker. That way meals are easy for all of us.

I totally agree that the OP shouldn't change what she does by adding to her workload, but think getting the dinner thing sorted could be a step in the right direction WRT her DP doing more around the house.

Fair point expat. There are of course times when DH will eat on his own because he's come in late, or vice versa. Whoever eats first will have cooked something that the other can heat up later.

I don't think we are actually disagreeing really though on anything. I agree, marriage should be entirely equal and all jobs shared between couples.

Why or how any man of the last few generations has been brought up to believe differently is beyond me. How have they been brought up to think this is okay, and how do they get away with it?

Wouldn't occur to me to make his dinner. Get him to cook it, you're not his servant.

I don't eat with DP because eating at half 8 is too late for me, I find if i do eat at that time I can't sleep or get indigestion.

I will sit with DP and chat about the day but to be honest most of the time when he gets in he wants to eat his dinner in front of the tele, Its like he just needs half an hour quiet when he first gets home.

We always eat as a family at the weekend though, we are like ships that pass in the nigth during the week but the weekends are all about family time

I'd have thought the responsiblity for 'moving in the right direction' and getting HIM to do his fair share of the chores in his own house and with his own kids is HIS, not hers.

Don't see why she should have to bend over backwards anymore than she already is.

She might get back to the house at 4, but that doesn't mean she's sitting around filing her nails and reading trashy magazines. She's still working, sorting out the SAHM stuff. Her husband (and his mother) need a Talking To.

For god's sake. Tell him to make his own bloody food. You are not his slave.
Chapstick - go back to the Victorian ages. You put feminism back a good 100 yrs.

Firstly tell mil to mind her own business.

Secondly, tell dh if he wants a meal on the table every night, then you will gladly give up work and be a sahm.

Work out a roster dividing chores by 50%. Once he sees how lucky he has been, he will keep his mouth shut about dinner on the table.

If you are not sure if it bothers him, don't you think it would be a good idea to ask him?, and if not where's the problem?

My mum made cooked breakfasts for all of us, packed lunches for all of us, and a hot dinner as required for children and husband. From when her youngest child was 8 she worked and commuted.

My mum and dad are now acrimoniously divorced. If she'd told him (and us, tbh) to pull his bloody weight 30 years ago, they might even be happy.