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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel offended by mil comments of "let's hope he's not ginger"

42 replies

mustsleep · 26/08/2008 11:40

so dh was on the phone to mil yesterday and being her usual sensitive self tried to talk him out of the home birth

then later went on to say that she hopes our new ds won;t be ginger - her exact words were i hope he doesnlt come out ginger!!

i have red hair
dd has strawberry blonde hair
dh has strawberry blonde
ds has dark brown

wtf has it got to do with her? i shouted well then she won;t want to be coming round to visit then as this would be such a dissapointment and i feel like i have enough to worry about at the moment being 38 weeks pregnant without stupid comments like this

dh thinks i am completely over reacting, but my ma has been delayed by 8 weeks, the cat has just been at the vets which has cost £300 and i am over my overdraft etc i just don;t need this as well

i said to dh that it;s remarkslike this that make people think that red hair is somehting to be ashamed of and if she is going to make derogatory remarks about it she would not be welcome - school is one thing but getting a complex about it before ten is another

she is well known for making sly comments that she "doenlt mean like that" like 4 hours after having dd she thought it best to inform me that i still had a fat tummy and everytime she would come round after that she would go on about it

aarrggghhh

sorry just felt like a rant

OP posts:
Original poster
mustsleep · 26/08/2008 11:40

before then sorry

OP posts:
TheArmadillo · 26/08/2008 11:44

sounds like a lovely woman

PinkyDinkyDooToo · 26/08/2008 11:48

Charming! I don't think you are overreacting at all, especially since you are heavily pg. Your DH should be more understanding.

It is a bit like my Gran who always used to go on about me being too skinny when I was a kid. I had a complex for years about my body. DS1 has my build and I will not have people say these things to him, as it would be even worse for a boy.

I hope you have a beautiful strwaberry blonde baby.

Was she disappointed with your DH when he was born?

sitdownpleasegeorge · 26/08/2008 11:52

Make sure you obtain a ginger wig before the birth and be sure to cut it to size, place on newborns head and take digital photograph to e-mail to MIL or digitally alter all photographs for MIL to mke the new baby look ginger.

Hopefully she won't visit for a while after the birth because of her tactless comments at 38 weeks.

stretchmarkqueen · 26/08/2008 11:52

Ahhhhh! You have my sympathy!!! (take a look at my profile pics!!) I would tell her that it's hard enough with everyone else's comments, so could she please refrain!!

Home births!!! Fantastic!! I loved mine. Getting in your own bath is heaven!!

good luck

msdemeanor · 26/08/2008 11:53

She sounds horrible! Why did your dh tell you she said that though? Very tactless of him.

VictorianSqualor · 26/08/2008 11:54

Well, you're not over-reacting but seriously WTF strawberry blonde? Either they're ginger or they're blonde. If it doesn't bother you why are you using 'strawberry blonde' it's just a name for ginger people who don't like to say ginger.

cupsoftea · 26/08/2008 11:57

What an idiot mil - ignore

Dreadfulwoman · 26/08/2008 11:58

I had a strawberry blonde baby and she was beautiful!! She's blonde now, but I kept getting "Oh, she's gorgeous. It's a shame she's ginger though!" Just ignore her comments-she is a horrible shallow woman and you don't need her in your life if she is going to be so dreadful, especially with a beautiful newborn. Be glad that you are not so lonely and sad that you have to belittle children.

sweetkitty · 26/08/2008 11:58

She sounds like my darling mother who on seeing a picture of her first grandchild and my PFB said she looked "fat and ginger" how the f* could anything that weighs 6lbs 3ozs be fat and no she wasn't ginger at all. Everytime my mother saw her for the next year she would make a comment on her having a touch of ginger in her hair. She's 4 now and dark blonde.

I think red hair is stunning and I would love a red haired baby, everyone else is blonde or brown but red stands out.

LuLuBai · 26/08/2008 11:58

OMG - totally unacceptable comment!!!!

Even worse than any my MIL ever made (eg of my MIL's comments: I opted not to find out the gender and 3 separate times she said "Oh you don't want a girl. Little girls are whiners".)

I had a girl. She is NOT a whiner.

stretchmarkqueen · 26/08/2008 12:00

What I don't get is the ginger thing though. I have orange hair!!! Ds has sandy coloured hair, its the same colour as sand!!!! hate stawberry blonde though!

and yes, some people who have ginger hair hate the word.

ThingOne · 26/08/2008 12:00

I'm red and my DS1 is red.

Ignorant people speak a lot of bollocks about the true glory of our hair. I once had a woman in cafe pity me about it when he was about six months. She asked if he had the temper to go with it! At six months FFS. I smiled and asked her if she was normally racist and she looked blank and went away .

Mamazon · 26/08/2008 12:02

wait till next time she makes a "ginger" comment.
then snip back with "oh don't worry, the baby isn't Dh's. i had an afair with a black man and they hardly ever have ginger hair"

try and remain as straight faced as you can.
She is a plank. Don't let it bother you.

BroccoliSpears · 26/08/2008 12:02

When I was pg with dd, my brother asked me in all seriousness what I would do if the baby was ginger.

Well leave it at the hospital obviously bro .

TheCrackFox · 26/08/2008 12:10

FFS - of all the things to hope for having a non-ginger child wouldn't even make it onto the list. Your MIL is a twat.

PinkyDinkyDooToo · 26/08/2008 12:11

Mamazon, that is brilliant.

My SIL when pg with her son said if he was ginger she would dye it. I honestly believe she would have done it too.

sarah293 · 26/08/2008 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
mustsleep · 26/08/2008 12:15

victoriansqualor strawberry blonde is blonde with a hint of red in it obv just like dark blonde is dark blonde and white blonde is white blonde

i certainly am not ashamed of being ginger but dd does not have the same hair colour as myself sheis strawberry blonde or reddy blonde
whereas my mum always described mine and my sister's hair as auburn as it's more dark reddy brown than orangy

hope that's ok with you

OP posts:
Remotew · 26/08/2008 12:18

Strechmarkqueen, you've all got beautiful colour hair.

Shades of 'ginger' do vary a lot.

cyteen · 26/08/2008 12:18

Sorry for the slight hijack, but stretchmarkqueen your kids are beautiful!

BouncingTurtle · 26/08/2008 12:20

WTF is wrong with ginger hair?

Ignorant bitch. I like sitdownpleasegeorge's idea about the wig?

G2B · 26/08/2008 12:20

I got LOADS of these comments when I was pregnant. I've got very dark red hair and when DPs stubble grows it's ginger, even though his hair is brown.

DPs family kept going on and on about how they hoped DS wouldn't have red or curly hair.

When he was born he had brown hair which turned blond, on then ginger. DPs family kept saying 'Don't worry, it could change again yet' and making a huge deal of it. I got upset, yelled at DP and he had a go at his whole family (including nana's , aunties etc) and they all left it in the end though they do still say 'Oh his hair looks blonde today' when they see him as though that's some kind of compliment.

Grrrrrr.

YANBU and were right to get angry. It's not a disease.

And not everyone ginger is scottish

G2B · 26/08/2008 12:22

Oh and DPs cousin said if he turned out ginger she wouldn't take him out in the pram unless he had a hat on.

So now I won't let her take him out at all

MmeLindt · 26/08/2008 12:22

YANBU, cheeky bint. (MIL not you obviously!)

Go with Mamazon's suggestion

My DB's new baby has a hint of ginger, and I have to say I love it. DB is strawberry blond in the summer. (not an avoidance of the word ginger, he has dark blond hair with just a touch of ginger, more when the sun shines on it).

I would have loved to have a redhead child, although I would have been quickly fed up of the comments here in Germany I suspect. Redheads are much rarer here.