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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want this rude woman to stand so close to me at the cashpoint?

36 replies

PinkyDinkyDooToo · 25/08/2008 18:35

I was at the cash machine checking balance etc. and as I was in the middle of my transaction this woman came and stood right nest to me. I felt really uncomfortable having somebody so close to me, so I asked her to move away.

She said 'okay, I can't see anything anyway'

I say 'that is not really the point, its polite to stand further away'

She then said, as I was walking away, since I had finished 'Well you could be a bit more polite, young lady'

I told her that if she had not been rude by standing so close to me then I would not have needed to talk to her at all.

At this point I walked away but I was so angry. She made out that I was being unreasonable. And I was very annoyed at the 'young lady' comment, which was basically saying that I should speak to her more politely because she was older than me. Grrr!

Okay, rant over, breathe

OP posts:
SqueakyPop · 25/08/2008 18:37

I would just say excuse me and refuse to continue until she had stepped out of the way.

msdemeanor · 25/08/2008 18:39

I think you sound as if you were rude, to be honest. She had already agreed to move back when you started at her, completely pointlessly. She was only standing there for heaven's sake. Did you seriously think she was trying to get your pin number and snatch your purse?
I think she was right. You weren't polite.

sherby · 25/08/2008 18:39

I hate it when people do this

Young lady bit is quite rude from her too

lottiejenkins · 25/08/2008 18:41

I dont blame you.........I try to avoid using cash machines unless its ABSOLUTELY necessary,,,,,,,,,,,, im lucky enough to be able to withdraw cash at the post office which is better for me and im supporting our village post office too. I hate it when people get too close to me at cash machines,,, the one local to me ws cloned a few months ago and a friend lost £900 from her account after using the machine!!

widgypog · 25/08/2008 18:41

I have a real issue with annoying people that don't understand personal space so I agree with you..some people stand sooo close to you and it makes me really cross. I have to say I never say anything but I wish people understnad i don't want them so close to me!!!!!!!grrrr

Original poster
PinkyDinkyDooToo · 25/08/2008 18:42

MsD, When she said okay can't see anything she was quite rude in her tone, and moved back about one step, which is why I spoke back to her. If she had apologised and moved back it would have bee nfine, but she made out I was unreasonable for asking her to move. THat is why I ended up being rude to her

OP posts:
lottiejenkins · 25/08/2008 18:43

msdemeanour i think she was being quite reasonable......... you never know whos going to try and clone or nick things these days!!!

msdemeanor · 25/08/2008 18:44

Well, as you basically accusing her of being a thief just because she didn't meet your standards of personal space (which vary hugely culturally) so I'm not really suprised she was a bit huffy. But she did move, yet you still lectured her most ungraciously.

Hecate · 25/08/2008 18:45

When someone does this to me, I have been known to turn around and snap "Do I owe you money?"

But then I can be rude.

Spidermama · 25/08/2008 18:46

I think it's VERY rude to ask someone to stand away.

Original poster
PinkyDinkyDooToo · 25/08/2008 18:47

Msd - I have reread my OP as I thought maybe I hadn't explained it clearly. Yes, there is a difference in opinion on personal space. But i also thought there was a social etiquette on standing away from cash machines. Maybe not, where you live?

OP posts:
Spidermama · 25/08/2008 18:47

Some people have different boudaries for personal space. It doesn't make her wrong or right.

How would you feel if someone asked you to move away from them? It's desperately unfriendly, it really is.

posieflump · 25/08/2008 18:48

I agree with msdemeanor and spidermama - sometimes it's just best to say nothing

traceybath · 25/08/2008 18:48

I think its rude to stand too close. Its not even that i think she's going to try and steal money but i wouldn't want everyone seeing the depth of my overdraft.

Tippychick · 25/08/2008 18:50

I work at a local FE college and was using the cashpoint in the foyer - loads of students milling around. I checked my balance and took out cash only to hear "FFS, there's no tenners again" from the groups of eejits looking over my shoulder inthe queue. They could tell from the fact I had to amend the amount I was requesting and could see everything on the screen. When I confronted them they looked amazed that I was angry about it and said that as they hadn't seen my PIN there was no problem.
YANBU at all, most banks have signs up requesting you to stand well back for precisely these rude people.

Original poster
PinkyDinkyDooToo · 25/08/2008 18:50

Posiflump if I had said nothing I would not have been able to complete my transaction, as I felt so uncomfortable with where she was standing.

OP posts:
sherby · 25/08/2008 18:51

I don't really think personal space boundaries come into it, there are certain social boundaries when it comes to cashpoints and they are that you leave a reasonable distance between you and the person in front, you certainly don't crowd the person or be close enough to see balance/pins/amount of cash withdrawn

Eilatan · 25/08/2008 18:51

Spidamama is right. Lots of people have poort social skills but unless they're close mates I don't think we should tell them and then only with care!

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 25/08/2008 18:51

I think we are all entitled to keep our personal space and if that is invaded we should say so.

In our town, squares have been painted to show where to stand so you can have enough space to do the transaction.

PastYourBedtime · 25/08/2008 18:52

I would be uncomfortable with someone standing very close to me at a cash machine.

TheFallenMadonna · 25/08/2008 18:53

You asked her to move and she did, albeit with bad graced. That was the point at which to leave it IMO.

msdemeanor · 25/08/2008 18:54

Yes, but she had agreed to move back and told you she couldn't even see anything when she was standing there, so that IMO is when the conversation should have ended. You sound as if you wanted to make a point and have the last word, which is always terribly annoying.

Original poster
PinkyDinkyDooToo · 25/08/2008 18:56

I wanted to make a point MsD because I felt there was a point to make. I was hoping some other poor person would not have to suffer this in future. I dodn't want the last word for the sake of it. If she had apologised I would have been happy and left it

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 25/08/2008 18:58

You embarassed her. And then you called her impolite.

Really, she did as you asked and you should have left it there.

msdemeanor · 25/08/2008 19:01

Oooh, I think it is hugely pompous to say you were telling her off for the benefit of theoretical others. If someone thinks you talk to loud in a restaurant, do they have the right to tell you off for it, in case you annoy someone else in the future, when you aren't even there??
She didn't have to grovel to you, you know.

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