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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at strangers touching my children in their buggy?

137 replies

penona · 19/08/2008 18:42

A man literally stopped me in the street today, blocked my path, and then peered into the buggy and we went through the usual 'Are they twins?' (yes) 'Two boys?' (No the one in pink is a girl...) 'Are they identical?' (no, it's a boy and a girl).... and then he leaned in and STROKED my daughters face and started to stroke my sons foot! All the while cooing aren't they lovely etc etc. I just stared in shock and did not know what to do.

In the end my DD screamed so loudly he backed off apologising.

What is the etiquette here? Lean over and yank at his moustache and say 'Oh how bristly' or something? Ask him politely not too touch them please? I couldn't very well run away with a double buggy in tow.

Or was he just being friendly and I am being a bit precious? (This happens quite often to me so I should learn to deal with it).

Please tell me if IABU!!!!

OP posts:

jennieflower · 19/08/2008 20:17

This reminds me, We introduced DSS to my Grandad when he was about 5 years old, DSS had spiky hair so my Grandad spat on his hand and rubbed it on his hair to smooth it down

Unfortunately my Grandad was registered blind and could only make out the outline shapes of people so didn't realise he'd left a great big blob of stringy spit hanging from DSD's fringe , poor DSS took it really well, and thankfully went off and sorted himself out. 8 years on it's still one of my favorite memories of my lovely old grandad who's sadly no longer with us.

YABU, the elderly get enough stick for being rude etc, they can't win even when they're being nice!

Ally90 · 19/08/2008 20:26

YANBU

My dd hated people invading her personal space (obviously my words), read that as people acting like idiots or leaning in really close to her. Strangely she had no problem with people who stood back and smiled at her...she would then smile back and then invite further interaction with her body language/gurgling.

Its polite and respectful to introduce yourself before making contact with a person albeit a baby/child and WAIT to be invited closer. Not just go straight in there, even to stroke a cheek or tickle a foot.

The gent sounded harmless and just wanted to be close to your beautiful twins...but he should have waited for an invite from you AND should not have blocked your path to stop you.

What to do in future...'I would rather you just smile at them...they like smiling...' or alternatively just growl like a dog

findtheriver · 19/08/2008 20:37

Babies in a twin pushchair do attract interest i'm afraid. used to take me forever to walk through town with mine.

Shoegazer · 19/08/2008 20:45

YABU, what a world where we are too uptight to let a stranger stroke a baby's cheek. When my DD was a about two weeks, she would always scream blue murder when she was in the buggy and I must have looked a wreck as she was quite a demanding newborn. I didn't have any family nearby to help out. I was taking her for a walk to get out of the the house and to try and get her to sleep. A lovely old lady came up to me and peered right into into the pram at my red faced screechy bundle, smiled, squeezed my arm and said "She is lovely, keep walking and she will sleep soon" and she walked with me whilst I got DD to sleep. It makes me so sad that the kindness she showed me which meant so much to me would be seen as strange or intrusive by others.

mumeeee · 19/08/2008 20:46

YANBU. DD3 hated being touched by anyone when she was small.

Original poster

penona · 19/08/2008 20:56

Ok well interesting mix of reactions! I really hope I am not a PFB, certainly don't feel like one most of the time...

I was one of those people who hated people touching my bump when pg, although I loved to stop and chat to people and was v v proud of it, I didnt like being touched there. Just felt a bit personal.

I do like being stopped and spoken to and people looking at the DTs but its the uninvited touching I am not keen on. I did chat to the man even though I was in a bit of a hurry cos he did seem kind of lonely and I wanted to be nice.

Its not really a hygiene thing (my two crawl all round the park, and recently crawled around the baggage reclaim at Gatwick - nice!) more the invasion of space that I don't like. Sounds like I may have to be more tolerant in future - I know that once they become screaming 2 yr olds people will walk out of my way to avoid them.

OP posts:

bloss · 19/08/2008 21:05

Message withdrawn

AbbaFan · 19/08/2008 21:16

Its not really that black and white though is it Bloss.

ShowMeTheMammy · 19/08/2008 21:24

Oh stop being such prudes and snobs. Would you still be complaining if it was Brad Pitt or George Clooney Stopping you to touch and coo over your children.

bloss · 19/08/2008 21:27

Message withdrawn

hester · 19/08/2008 21:31

It really, really wouldn't bother me. I love it when people take an interest in babies.

GodzyGoesBananas · 19/08/2008 21:36

YANBU, but...

Unfortunately (mum of twins here) twins get ALOT of attention, and we have to learn to either enjoy the attention from these generally harmless (if irritating occaisionally) people, or at worst, take with a hefty pinch of salt (or quaff of bacardi), grin and bear it.

It took years for the "ooooh twins" to wear off (and the daft repetitive questions); mine are 11 now and still get fussed over now and again! They really are just wanting to coo over your fantastic kids (and can you blame them?), and genuinely don't realise they are being a nuisance!

GodzyGoesBananas · 19/08/2008 21:39

Oh, and one of my DDs was being 'treated' to a Donald Duck impression by some well-meaning man, who wouldn't stop doing it even though i told him she didn't like it (he'd done this before when we'd seen him in the street), well she got so upset that she hurled on him.

Can't decide or ?

bohemianbint · 19/08/2008 21:41

How many of you would go up to a stranger and touch their child without asking?

AbstractMouse · 19/08/2008 21:44

I worry because my 2 (4 and 1) really love attention from strangers, and I also love it when they are made a fuss of. According to this thread I need to instill a greater fear of strangers in my dc's.

GodzyGoesBananas · 19/08/2008 21:46

Well i wouldn't but i am a non-touchy person.

ShowMeTheMammy · 19/08/2008 21:54

To all those who dislike strangers fussing over their children. Have a thought for those parents who have children with physical and learning disabilities. How many people stop to touch and coo over their equally gorgeous children. Not many I bet. So stop complaining and be thankful that people aren't embarrassed or scared to stop and look at your "perfectly formed child".

SalLikesCoffee · 19/08/2008 21:59

I think YABU, but at least you chatted to him, so not rude.

As long as someone seems clean and healthy I really don't mind it if they coo over my ds (4 months). Especially old ladies - if it doesn't hurt him and brightens up someone's day, I quite like it. I also think it might be good for him to grow up not scared of all strangers. (Obviously would teach him boundaries etc, but I think general friendliness isn't dangerous.)

Oh, and bohemianbint, I wouldn't touch another child without it being offered, but only because I know it upsets a lot of people, not because I necessarily think it's wrong.