AIBU to think that once you have paid your childcare, its not really worth working.? Is it that you just don`t want to look after your own kid. prefering to stick them in daycare as soon as the shine wears off, it really bugs me!

[discusturd]

Some go from 7-6 and never see there parents, I know I will get slated but in the nursery I work some kids hardly know who their parents are.

I haven't read any of this thread apart from OP, and let's face it I don't have the time....

BUT I think that if some children don't know their parents then that is about a lot more than just daycare. That is about how their parents interact with their children 24/7. Daycare/nurseries are fantastic for fun/learning/making friends and my LO is climbing the walls when she's off sick at home, and we adore her & she certainly knows who we are.

But findheriven, if you dont want to stop doing them then dont.
And if another woman choose to to do differently and stay home then gd for her too. Everybody is entitled to make his choices.
But what makes me uncomfortable is all this aggression and comments like 'Stay home mothers have no brain and watch tv all day and are unhappy...'. And i dont mean you because tbh i ve read the thread very quickly and dont even know who said these comments. And i work and have 2 degrees so no is not that i take it personal, i just think its very unfair thats all

Shucks findtheriver, I should be hard at work feeling guilty I know! And guess what... I am doing it AGAIN tomorrow!! DD£ off to Nursery and the rest of us off the the Dr Who Exhibition! Whatever next???

Having skimmed most this thread, am falling on the side of scottishmummy. Becoming a mother does not equal becoming a martyr.

If a parent wants to be at home with his/her DC's and enjoys it, then fine. If they don't, then that is fine too.

With every choice I make in life; I weigh up the pros and cons. I try and understand what the consequences of my decisions could be. And I make my choice. And I hope all will turn out well.

Threads like this help no one. And are the reason I find myself coming onto mnet less and less.

But WHO is saying those things Tiramissu? You're absolutely correct, I certainly haven't! And tbh I haven't seen anyone say that SAHMs have no brain!
My posts have been about CHOICE, EQUALITY, etc.
I agree that it's pathetic when it descends into aggression, but I've got to be honest... look at the thread title. I'm afraid it IS true that it tend to be attacks on working women (not working men, interestingly) that 99% of the time kicks this thing off. I have never in my life started a thread attacking SAHM - why would I? - up to them if that's their choice. I think many of us just get truly fed up with the implication that if we work we are somehow missing out on something, or our children are. Not sure what we're supposed to be missing out on, but that's the underlying theme. And the point is, it is perfectly possible for mums and dads to be great parents, raise lovely, bright, well adjusted families, AND have an interesting work life too! End of!

Just to throw something into the mix
[stands back]

"New research emphasizes that concentrating on early brain development (early education/ language skills/socialising ) works less well if parents are not present. So the UK's Children's Centres/ Sure Start schemes turning into nursery provision and job centres are not the answer" ...

'Not sure what we're supposed to be missing out on'

Uh, hello?????

I think we've covered the issue of the pointlessness of pieces of research being taken in isolation, mrz.
But thanks for that gem anyway!!

Have you really never seen a thread started by Xenia!? Usually they are started on a Saturday or Sunday and link to some article she has read in The Times.

Can't be bothered to find one - life is too short.

Yes happyhoney? Do you have a point? Would you like to tell me what I'm missing out on??

River, if you don't know I am not the one to tell you.

LOL happy - correct answer

Glad I made you laugh river.

Just a little chuckle that you are clearly desperate to want me to be missing out on something but can't tell me what

River,

I could give you a long and extensive list but as I really don't give a hoot about you - I'll save my energy for people I care about.
And for all your postnomales(/) - if you can't see what you are missing out on - prehaps you fall in to the all brains no sense league??

Is it a pointless piece of research findtheriver or do you just choose to discard it? Have you read the research? Taken part in the research?
How about this one "Children who spend more than 35 hours a week at nursery show higher levels of antisocial behaviour than those spending less time in daycare, according to government-funded research."

or perhaps "Childcare children who went to nurseries before the age of 9 months for more than 20 hours a week showed evidence of distress and negativism at 18 months and performed less well on language tests at 3 years, in spite of having parents with higher status jobs and salaries and more qualifications than other parents."

happyhoney,love, I'm not asking you for a long and extensive list happy, because I know that I am not missing out on anything, nor is my husband, nor are my children. And don't worry about not giving a hoot about me - I can live with that!!
You are the one throwing insults - I haven't told you that you have no sense, so why do you get off on saying that to me? You are the one writing pathetic meaningless posts
eg
'Not sure what we're supposed to be missing out on'

Uh, hello?????

You clearly have no intelligent point of view to put forward so resort to throwing a few insults around.
Maybe you need to get out to work as one thing you might learn is that you can't behave like this!!

River,

But it is ok to patronise and dismiss other posters. I glad you feel that you and yours are not missing out on anything - but then why so defensive??? I think your posts are highly amusing - you are making a point of showing us how intelligent you are because you are supermum, working girl, been to uni (as have I by the way) etc etc
but us SAHM do mot know anything about social history, having fun, realtionships etc. Its not what you say as much as the underlying assumptions.I'm off.

PS Have actually worked in my life so i do know about workplace etiquette - thanks

river, you really do seem to have ishoos.
i wonder how you will cope if you are ever unable to work due to ill health or what you will do when you retire.

lol you are on a roll tonight honeygirl scrapping with everyone.humphy faces all night

what did find the river do to get your goat, did she dare to disagree with you?

totally agree with what someone said earlier about the fact women have children when they are older now, they've been to uni, earnt well, travelled, they can sit back and relax knowing they have nothing to prove as they have been there done it, and one day, when they are ready will return.

and in the meantime if they are loving being a sahm and are lucky enough to be be able to afford that luxury good for them!!

the one thing i would love for all women is the choice, i don't think we would have so many rows then either, as i think you get a few that probably don't want to leave their babies then to try and justify it to themseleves they have a go at others.
makes me for them.
and i wish every woman had the choice.that would be so great.

prettyladybird - I have lots of plans for when I retire thanks.
ScottishMummy - happyhoney is not a happy bunny today. She wants to believe that us working parents are having a dreadful time and missing oh so many things but she can't quite tell us what, so she's using the old fall back argument and throwing her toys out of the pram!

river, may i ask what sort of plans you have for when you retire?
how do you think you would cope if you where made redundent or was too ill to work?

I have worked f/t after DD1 and tbh I get just as much satisfaction etc now as a SAHM so can't see what I am missing, if I felt that I would go back to work. I agree with the statement 'I left work that I realised there was a whole world of stuff out there.' I am a different person now (no not a 50s housewife lol) far less materialistic (When I was working I wanted a better house, better car etc, now that doesn't matter) and with a sense of freedom. I have just as good an identity now and loads to do as I study and volunteer which I otherwise could not manage if still f/t work.I don't see my paid employment status as defining me, but I feel that is does for some people which is fine, we are all different.

If we are simply valued according to paid work, then as someone said, what about retired people or people who cannot work; is this why they are devalued in our society perhaps? Also, if there is no satisfaction in caring for kids in the home, are childminders missing out? Or is the mere fact they are being paid or someone else's kids enough to make it far more rewarding than doing the exact same job but with your own kids.