to be upset that dh told me i shouldn't be naked in front of ds, 3?

[ruty]

I don't parade around naked in front of my son, aged 3. however, if I've just had a shower and ds is around I don't cover myself up or shoo him away. I've been told this morning, as i came out of the shower and said something to dh who was playing with ds, that I shouldn't let ds see me naked, because he 'read it in the newspaper' that it is damaging. He can't actually remember who it was that said it, some bloke wrote that it damaged him seeing his mother naked, apparently. I am extremely upset, especially as he said it in front of ds. My mother was very uptight about nakedness and i didn't want to be like that. When dh's sister came she tried to prevent ds seeing me expressing milk for baby dd, and dh's father [now deceased sadly] jumped up and ran away when i once tried to breastfeed ds beside him on the couch.

Dh is now angry that I got upset with him. I feel he is trying to force me into a way of thinking that his family has, and that ds will have ishoos with my body now. Who is right please?

[ruty]

he is a great dad and pretty sorted in most ways. Then he comes out with things like this and it is such a shock.

[fuzzywuzzy]

Could you not say, oh well I read somewhere that lots of people say being nude in front of children is good for them, so they dont have hang ups later on in life.
Tell him you asked your GP and there are most definitely no excersises for a healthy baby girl to loosen up her anything!!!!!

[ruty]

he thinks i'm being ridiculous in being upset by his comments.

[JumpingDizzy]

my sons see me naked and they're 7 and 10.

[frumpygrumpy]

I think he's off his trolley. Totally normal IMHO for people to see other people without clothes when they've just popped out the shower. At ANY age.

[lardybump]

I bath with my dd and my sisters ds. There is nothing weird about it at all. My dad was very much like your dh, he wont even let my dd 16months run around in a nappy at his house she must have a top on. It did make me feel my body was something to be ashamed of when I was little. Dp, me and dd are often found running around with no clothes on now though (and I am always clearing up the wet patches when dd decides now is the time to have a wee ).

Maybe you could say that you have researched the matter on the net and it seems that the resounding opinion is that it is good for children to lurn that the human body is natural and nothing to be ashamed of from the parents. To do this it is good to still have skin to skin contact up to later ages... After all some people BF until a child is 6....

The thing about the leaflet is also rubbish. I would say that you have called the hospital to ask them for a copy and they have said that no such leaflet exists!!

[savoycabbage]

You are right Ruty.

Surely it would be more damaging for a child to be shooed out of a bedroom or made to feel uncomfortable around nakedness.

My sister's ds goes to swimming lessons and one of the mothers there holds a towel around her dd who is four whilst she gets changed and is constantly telling the poor child that she doesn't want any boys to see her without her clothes. It's awful. And now my nephew has started asking questions about it.

[JuneBugJen]

Other side to this...my dd who turned 4 a month ago said the other day 'she doesn't like to see daddys willy.'

Now, do we respect her wishes (dh is naked for a few mins of the day during showering etc) or not?

[MatNanPlus]

In 19yrs of baby caring never had exercises to do with a healthy infant, just those with problems like feet, legs and necks.

Nowt wrong with nudity or we would still be in the Victorian era wearing neck to ankle attire to swim

[ruty]

i'm wondering whether there was a baby massage leaflet with the stuff we got from hospital, and if he means that. Is that possible?

[salsmum]

I'm no health visitor but I do know that as a girl reaches puberty her pelvic bones do widen to accommodate for childbirth which is all a natural progression of becoming a woman but I don't see that to do excersises on a young baby it would make any difference indeed my daughter had to wear a hip orthosis splint for 5years to correct a hip problem her legs were kept wide apart and she still had the pelvic bones of a 9 year old when she came out of them.....[she had to wear the splint 12 hours a day] so I don't think that on a healthy baby these excersises are going to make a jot of difference BUT I would seak medical advice.
good luck.

[AbbeyA]

You are right ruty-I wouldn't even enter discussion about it-just carry on as normal.

[PotPourri]

Havent read all responses. But that is rubbish. It doesn't matter what some bloke in the paper said.... seriously.

What a lot of rot. Of course it is not damaging for a 3 year old to see yo naked. In fact, I think it si the opposite. I NEVEr saw my dad naked, not even once. And I was terrified of the male body - as it was all girls in our house.

[Snaf]

The thing about the pelvic exercises is absolute rubbish. No such leaflet exists. Tell your dh that from me and all the other HVs/midwives etc on here

(Being charitable for a moment, perhaps he has got it muddled up with a leaflet you may have been given about pelvic floor exercises for you?)

And you know he's being ridiculous about the nudity, but it's tricky when he's obviously been brought up that way. I think you should just carry on as you are - it's not as if you are running around starkers in front of your adolescent ds and his mates...

[rolledhedgehog]

Well I took my 5 year old to M&S to day to buy new bras (for me obviously) and he came in the changing room with me. I don't think it will scar him for life! It is healthy for boys to be exposed to how real women look until they are not comfortable with nudity anymore.

[ruty]

i showed him the pelvic exercise leaflet for me today snaf - and he said the bit for babies was missing. AAAAArgh.
I don't know if he realises he is wrong but just too stubborn to admit it, or if he still really believes it. totally infuriating.

[beanieb]

You need to ask him why he thinks that babies need their pelvis loosened up for an event which may happen several years down the line. A woman will have hormonal and biological changes happen to them when they are pregnant which prepare her pelvis for childbirth. It is NOT something a parent has to do for their baby.

You need to find out if this is something he believed before she was born, about all female babies or if he has genuinely got confused by something he has read since the baby was born.

Then et your HV to explain to him that he is wrong.

[Mummyfor3]

Absolutely normal! Your DH has issues++++.
DS x3 see me naked and we have covered a whole lots of questions already ("Mummy, why do you not have a penis?" "Because it would be in the way when babies come out of mummy's tummy." DS3 is 20 weeks old) that I would otherwise one day have to sit them down for and give them "the chat".

I saw both my parents naked, of course in a not parading-around-naked-way, I also had joint baths with my younger brother. All of that stopped in a very unforced kind of way when I was about 10 or thereabouts. I eventually noticed that my dad would lock the bathroom door when he was in there.

Keep it normal, it is not an issue, unless someone makes it one.

(Disclaimer: I am German..)

[ruty]

LOL Mummyfor3.
beanieb I am as baffled as you are, have tried to ask him, he insists that they do it in his country and that there was a leaflet i have lost about it when i came out of hospital. All other explanations from me get angrily rebuffed. Impossible.

[beanieb]

So - it is clearly something he believes and which is part of his culture. You need to explain that this is not the advice given by the hospital and that there is biologically no need to prepare a baby for childbirth as a woman's body changes while pregnant and that is when the preparation happens biologically.

[ruty]

i told him that, makes no difference.
He is not insisting i do it, just insisting he is right.

[beanieb]

So he is insisting you do exercises on your baby's legs even though you have no instructions to follow? I'm sorry but don' let him. Speak to your health visitor and get them to speak to him.

You should not be doing anything to your daughter in the way of excercising/massage etc that you feel you are not qualified to do or comfortable doing.

[beanieb]

oh sorry - mis-read. He is not insisting. Then that's ok. If you want to pove him wrong then speak to the HV .

[Judy1234]

It is just cultural differences. In fact people who don't see family naked are the ones with hangups and need therapy. I suggest you book the family holiday to the nudist colony immediately and his sessions with the therapist to cure him of his strange hangups. That will teach him. Is it a class issue and working classes cover up and upper classes are more natural about these kinds of things?

[ThingOne]

I agree with the majority about nudity and small children. I think it's important that they see what naked bodies look like, especially those of the other sex. My DS1 (4) told me yesterday I must have a willy as he could hear me weeing (we were out and sharing a cubicle). So I showed him that I didn't. Emboldened by this he then said he had come out of that hole . So I see bodies as a chance for a quick biology lesson. Never to early to start!