to think that ds (very nearly 9) should be able to do SOME things he is asked .....

[clumsymum]

Without having to be asked 6 times, or negotiated with, or threatened with the removal of priviledges (PC / TV time).

He has jobs to do such as emptying the diswasher, hanging out washing (usually with me, rather than for me), as well as the business of getting ready for bed, or picking up the stuff off his bedroom floor.

Everything seems to take nagging or threatening, and I'm tired of it.

he sounds like my DP . Maybe he's just rehearsing for when he's married?

When you've discoved the answer, can you let me know? DD is 13 next month and I've just asked for the 4th time for her to remove her shoes from the top of the stairs! I feel your pain!

i have the same problem with my ds (also 9) everytime i ask him to do something he asks me how much money will i give him? have recently decided that we need to come down harder on him and give him set jobs that he must do or else. when i was his age i had to wash dishes everynight after tea before i was allowed to play out (not that id make him do that of course)

My DS1 also 9 has a habit of this sometimes, i'd love to know the answer if anyone has it.

My 9 yr old DD is the same except she turns on the tears and says I am unfair to ask her to do things.
We did try bribery with some success. i.e. pocket money if she made her bed every day and kept her room tidy without being asked and if she emptied the dishwasher when asked, without complaining.
You have to be prepared not to pay if they don't comply. (Get a hard hat for this bit)

I have 3 older children, age 12, 10 and 9. Yesterday I set up a rota as i feel the so called summer has passed with me cleaning and clearing up after them. They weren't happy but did as they were told so much so that i got an hour at the computer yesterday afternoon and this morning.

"My DS1 also 9 has a habit of this sometimes"

Only sometimes. At the moment it's constant here.

Trouble is DH seems to think it's that ds is utterly out of control, and tends to get shouty, which doesn't actually help, and means they BOTH get up my nose.

Well if he doesn't do as you ask sometimes, why don't you try not doing as he asks too for a while and see how he reacts?

"I'm hungry, what's for dinner?" - I can't be bothered, you can't make me (obviously make it but wait until he has nagged you x times first)

"It's time to take me to my friend's house/activity/hobby" - I don't want to do it. I'll do it later when I can be bothered.

I just wonder if this treatment for a day or so might give him something to think about?

Well, I'm thinking about it.

Trouble is, generally he'd just go on the PC and not care a jot, or do a 3 y.o. tantrum in response.

And as I say to DH, we're supposed to lead by example.

True, but you have to try something I suppose. And you would be leading by showing him that if you aren't willing to help other people, they won't be willing to help you.

Take fuse out of pc plug?