... to be fed up with comments on my sons facial birthmark?

[missjennipenni]

AIBU to get defensive when people pass comment on my sons stork-bite type birthmark? Its between his eyebrows, but TBH i hardly notice it, so i get really annoyed when people feel they have mention it. I get comments like "oh, will he grow out of it?". Is it wrong of me to get totally narked and wish they would shut up?

Theres a pic of my beautiful baby in my profile, so you can see how noticable it is!

My ds1 has a disability and personally I would prefer it if people asked about his condition rather than stare at him as though he's just landed from another planet or ignore him. He is 20 now and will never grow out of his disability and I have no problem with people being interested to learn more about his very rare condition. I have never had anyone ask in a horrible or insensitive way and they have always just been interested to learn and compassionate. I find the ones who just stare or worse back off much more upsetting.

Your ds is beautiful btw

My son has Horner's syndrome which causes a droopy eyelid. The number of people who used to comment on how he was falling asleep when actually he was wide awake used to really P**s me off! But, you get used to it and learn to ignore it. Sometimes, I think people don't know what to say, and just blurt out the first stupid thing that comes into their head.

Your DS is gorgeous by the way!!

I also have dd aged 5with noonan syndrome. She is unusually petite for age, droopy eyelids and we got many comments when she was baby
I could not let myself be affected I brazened it out.
People do not realise they are being cruel I think...

DD also has a tiny strawberry haemangioma behind one ear and I will be quite sad if it does go. I think it looks like a kiss from a fairy!

DS2(3) had a mark in exactly the same place and I think it had probably faded by the time he was 2. The only comment I got was from a friend who had a baby the same age it was "ugh, what has he done to his head?" then she made it worse by going on about how sorry she was for saying it! DS1 had the mark at the back of his skull when he was born too.

My DH has a port wine birthmark. He was born in 1970 and his mum still gets upset when she talks about the comments she used to get - "have you hit him, have you burnt him, what is that on his face, will it ever go". When he was born he was taken away from her and handed over with the seriousness you would expect if he'd had a terminal illness, it was just awful for her I think.

I didn't really understand how hard that must have been for her until I had DD - how protective you feel for your child.

You DS is gorgeous - as you say, why can't people just focus on that.

chukkypig - did you go to uni with my DH ?

Strawberry naevi are nothing to do with the birth process.
As far as I know the current thinking is that it is a failure to switch off fetal blood vessel formation, so you get an overgrowth of capilliary tissue.

Both me and DD were born with strawberries. Mine was massive. My GP told me that the reason you get them is inheridarty (poor spelling!). People used to star at me all the time and it was so big when i went for check ups at the hosiptal they use to bring round the student doctors to gwap at me !

The marks at the base of the skull aren't strawberry birthmarks. Strawberries are raised and feel bumpy to the touch and I think they usually appear after birth, my Dd's wasn't there when she popped out, but appeared a few days later...it was just suddenly there. The pressure 'stork bite' marks at the base of the skull are there much sooner - if not straight away iirc.

First of all your ds is beautiful.
My brother has a large port wine stain on his cheek/eye and we used to get loads of comments on it. My mom was very upset in the early days (possibly guilt? Not that she should have felt it) My brother was and still is very shy. Luckily for him (or maybe not) he had a very very feisty and rude little sister who told everyone who commented what for (from about the age of 4 I'm told!!!) Like I used to say back then. It's not important it's a mark on his face not his soul. He is lovely and you are not because you are rude and mean!!! (directed to the whisperers and rude commenters not the OP!! . Of course when people genuinly asked sensitive questions they received sensitive polite answers.
I don't think you are at all unreasonable, but you may well find as time goes on you will become desensitised to it.
My dd2 has a little strawberry birth mark on her leg. It hasn't faded or shrunk and she's now 2 so I guess it never will. Her big sister only noticed it the other day and was convinced she was hurt and was begging me for cream for it. That broke my heart, but only because it showed me how kind little ones can be as opposed to how cruel adults who should know better can sometimes be.

Lol @ Mistypeaks, I was the big sister who threatened/beat up/made smart comments to anyone who picked on my brother's port wine stain.

tbh I still am a little bit .

StealthPolarBear added a link to my previous thread, I have had some really insensitive comments about my gorgeous boys birthmark along the lines of "you know, you can get them lasered off these days!" Photo of my ds on profile. It's no-ones elses business to comment on your baby so 2 fingers to them all!
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