AIBU to expect Selfish Parents not to blow all their money and my potential future inheritance?

[bunsen]

I have never been one for hand outs, never had any financial help from my parents. I grew up on a council estate, but my dad earned good money, definitely enough to pay a mortgage on a nice house, my mum always bought expensive high end designer clothes and had all the latest tech gear. My mum and dad got some inheritance from my dad's dad when he died, about £20k which got spent on a brand new caravan.
In the past 2 years two of my mums relatives have died leaving money, one left £40k, my grandad has just left £150k. I have found out that the lifestyle that my mum and dad have had in the past 2 years has been provided by the £40k, also my dad owes £10k at least and they have increased the £40k mortgage they had so that it has doubled in price.
It makes me angry, that they have no regard for tomorrow, or for thier three kids who all have money woes or no house. I have been priced out of buying a home for the past 5 years, now have 2 small kids of my own and would love to have been given £5k to go towards my deposit that I have been saving for the past 5 years.
Am I being unreasonable? A couple of years ago I would have said yes, but now I have kids of my own I feel disappointed and ashamed of them.

I don't think you YABU to be disappointed but I think its a case where you ahve to accept its their money and they have chosen not to share it. Personally I would have shared it amongst my DCs.My mum has recently got herself in to severe financial problems purely due to spending too much. She has now had to sell her home and move in to rented accommodation. She lives off next to nothing and blames the companies who lent her the money. I am some what to admit it but I am secretly angry with her as she now rekies on me quite a bit to provide money. She couldn't even afford to buy my DS a baby grow when he was born in April and I will most definately not be inheriting anything. I know it sounds childish but there is most definately part of me that feels cross about it. But oerhaos thats because I am someone who sees myself handing things on to my children and already save oney each month for them when they are older.

Well, well, we have not been handed out any money, actually as soon as my sisters and I got our first jobs (even extremely underpaid jobs), we were expected to contribute by paying some of the bills. I don't expect any money from them, because I know there wouldn't be any. However...

I think I know where you are comming from... my parents have also used all their money in "live now forget about tomorrow" way. They have provided for their elders (they had huge families some between all of them it was not difficult) and frowned upon life insurances, pensions and the like. Obviously they were expecting us to do for them as they have done for their parents. Sadly, when you have spent yourself scratching a living from here and there, you really would like them to be more careful with money because your know you have not enough money to cover residence fees, home help, etc.

I despair about my parents' financial ways, because I know there's no way I can afford to pay for their expenses in the future, I'm sorry about that, and I resent it too because I know that the money they are wasting now, is money that my sisters and I will need to find for them in the future to the sacrifice of our own families/pensions.

Greatfun I totally understand why your cross, at the end of the day people who become rich and stay rich do so because the family wealth is passed through the generations, the one bit of comfort we should have had to look forward to having been utterly shafted by our parents generation over house prices is that it would come to us in the end, but it seems for some it won't. Such a shame.

From the Op's post I gather that the 200K hasnt been blown yet as her mum wants to leave her dad on the strength of the money. I may be wrong on that.

A friend of mine inherited approx 120K just over a year ago and despite still being in rented accommodation has blown it all on cars and fancy holidays amongst other things.

Everyone to their own but I don't know how anyone can be so reckless.

I've just read through all this, very unlike me.

You are annoyed because your parents are a bit rubbish. That's understandable. They annoy me and I've only read about them. I wish they cared for you better and showed they love you.

As for money, you're best to forget that all the money they had ever existed. It was never going to come your way. Once you start thinking money will one day come your way, it's easy to get fixated on it and imagine that it will solve your problems. Try to forget about the money. (And I wouldn't spend too much time thinking about your parents either.)

After reading your OP bunsen I initially thought YABU but having read through....I can totally understand why you are so pissed off. It sounds to me like your parents were fairly neglectful, if that's not too strong a term.

And you are certainly entitled to be angry with them about that!

Also, if they land up in a financial mess well that's their problem to deal with, not yours!

Also,,it can be emotionally exhausting expecting people to be what they aren't...in your parents case thoughtful and considerate.

You may start to feel better if you give up your expectations of your Mum and Dad.

Much easier said than done of course.

You are certainly entitled to feel angry and upset of course. But you can't make them be the way you want them to be. Deal with them how they are.

too tired to read the whole thread but agree with daisysteiner and tinker of the earlier posts. Not surprised you feel sad. I hope they have a miraculous rethink and give you some help.

Parents do seem to vary enormously. My parents aren't hugely generous financially but my inlaws are massively generous and have helped us out over the years.
My dad has occasionally been generous but never as much as 5 grand. My mother doesn't have enough to be generous.

I think it does seem a little sad but they must feel it's the right thing to do. Have you asked them for help at all, or an interest free loan of some kind?

Speaking as one whose father frittered away money meant to see my brother & I through university, I think you owe it to yourself to forget about the money get on with your own life and be proud that you and dh are self sufficient and setting a wonderful example to your dcs.

Your parents don't sound as if that money has given them any contentment or much lasting happiness, don't let their cupidity contaminate your outlook.

I agree with Heated, just be proud of what you are doing, it doesn't seem to be helping your parents. If you have no expectations then you don't get disappointed.

you dont deserve their money yes you are being unresonable and greedy

YANBU No way. They are your parents. You are struggling. They should help you. All my friends (incl us) have been helped out. Some friends are very lucky and have very rich parents who give them tons but even our parents have given us what they can. We dont ask but oour parents want to help. They get pleasure in helping us out. Maybe it is our culture to help family.

their money, just as yours is yours. so when they come to you cap in hand, asking for more, show them the door.