to tell my 5 year old that the much bigger child who kicked him in the stomach will be going to borstal in a few years?

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

And that he, Ds1, will be going to lovely university, and not naughty boy prison becausehe is a good boy?

The older, thank-god-I-did-not-see-him-as-I-would-have-flayed-him- boy didn't hear this. Ds1 did, and was much comforted by this idea, that horrible bullies get a comeuppance and good boys go to a lovely place where everyone has fun and learns.... was this a bad idea? In hindsight, it's a bit close to gloating, but he was sobbing and holding his tummy.

[Blandmum]

and (lol) ds actually does karate and is working towards his third belt

[Blandmum]

and (lol) ds actually does karate and is working towards his third belt

[Blandmum]

sorry, dodgy connection in this holiday place!

[nametaken]

Yes, you said

[beanieb]

what DANCESwithLordPottingtonSmythe said.

[Blandmum]

Did she bray? or is this another assumption

[Love2bake]

Yeah - If you didn't see what happened, you can't really comment.

The boys could of kicked him by accident for all you know.

[Blandmum]

Agreed that parental supervision is the key, and also that boys do playfight (mine does all the time with his mates). However I don't like it when much older kids 'playfight' with much smaller ones as this can be a guise for a little light intimidation.

better to complain to the staff if there is real bullying going on

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

the play area had areas which were not visible from the ground floor, so constant supervision was not possible. The age range was from three to twelve. He got the same level of supervision he receives everywhere - I was one of the most vigilant parents there, without actually impeding his social development.

I haven't mapped the child's life out for him, could this thread have gone any more Mumsnet? I don't think aspiring to university is a bad thing for a child to do. I do think kicking small children in the stomach is a bad thing to do.

As we were on holiday, and it was Friday, the chances of it being the child's last day were high. So the fact of him getting banned from the play centre was largely irrelevant.

I said all this to my sobbing son. I did not go and wipe shit up the other childs nostrils whilst shouting "Eat shit, Borstal Boy!", although to read some of the reactions, you'd think I did. The older child was at no point aware of me and what I said to Ds1, I did not make judgements about who he is, what he is like or how far he will go in life to either him or his parents, and no bullies were harmed in the making of this thread.

[ImnotOK]

YANBU at all when my son was been bullied last year the headteacher said more or less the same thing to my ds about a group of boys that were been horrendous (well she didn't mention them going to borstal ).

Hope your ds is ok .

[DANCESwithLordPottingtonSmythe]

'I did not make judgements about who he is, what he is like or how far he will go in life'

Did you read your title?! LOL...quick, keep back pedalling... I'm sure no-one will notice.

[FabioFridgeFluffFrenzy]

Er, she didn't judge though.
She said what she said to her child.
She didn't announce on mn that the children who hit her son are vile untamable thugs.

lol at 'no bullies were harmed in the making of this thread'

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

yes, he could have kicked my son by accident. I don't care. It was my child holding his stomach and crying.

I only told him the truth. Boys who kick other children in the stomach on purpose do go to Borstal. Good boys who work hard at school and try very hard to be good do get to go to university if they want to (and Ds1 is much enamoured of the idea of a school for grown ups) and don't have to go to Borstal.

As for his idea of his place in life .... why would I ever want him to get the idea that an appropriate place for him is Borstal?

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

he might be a lovely child, DANCES, he might tame wild fox cubs and create splints for injured butterfly's wings - but if he doesn't stop hitting and kicking people, he will eventually go to a young offender's institution. It's not a judgement, it's a fact.

I made no judgements on who he is, I made a judgement on what will happen if his behavior continues.

[FabioFridgeFluffFrenzy]

And I think you have to bear in mind what's understandable to a five year old.
We all know that said stomach-walloper might have divorcing parents/be coming down with something/have behavioural problems/have been aiming at a nearby 2 year old instead, but we can't expect a 5 year old to grasp all that.

I think it's a lot crueller to say, "Oh dear, you got hit. THere there, but shit happens mate, live with it."

[jasper]

YANBU well said..

[AbbeyA]

I think that the whole thing is out of all proportion. He was in a soft play area in the school holidays, so children older than 5 would be using it. It encourages rough and tumble. No one was supervising, or knows what happened-accidents happen.

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

I know they were probably all playfighting Kungfu Panda Pirate Power Rangers, and that it's a play area in the holidays (honestly am not bothered by large children inplay areas, ds1 is hefty himself, and I think better to get an accidental (or otherwise) wallop when you're 5 than grow up thinking the world is made of cotton wool. Fabio has kind of grasped the point I couldn't articulate.

I gave an answer to make ds1 feel better. It wouldn't have made the other child feel good to hear it, but the other child wasn't there. Had I heard the other side of the story, I could have pieced together the events, but I didn't.

Ds1 was advised not to play Kung Fu Panda Pirate Power Rangers but I cannot hover over him like a hummingbird, it's not healthy.

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

Well, I will elaborate on social theories of justice when he doesn't still think the floor trips him up on purpose. Currently black and white thinking works well, I'm told it's his age.

[ninedragons]

I am sniggering like a schoolboy imagining a MNer shouting 'Eat shit, Borstal Boy!'