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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is wrong to swear in front of children fullstop!

104 replies

May2December · 04/08/2008 23:59

If we expect them not to swear surely we should set a good example. (Not saying I have never done this just that I think it is wrong). What is the worst swear word you would say in front of your dcs and would you tolerate them using it?

OP posts:
Doobydoo · 05/08/2008 10:14

No I don't[if it is in context]
Agree with posters who have said it would be worse to swear at them.
Ds has always been allowed to swear if he wants to,novelty soon wore off
Obviously if every other word was a swear word[eek]

nervousal · 05/08/2008 10:14

so - its OK for adults to swear because they understand that the words are offensive and therefore presumably mean them, but because children don't understand them they can't use them? If thats the case then why don't we teach our kids what they mean, rather than avoiding them??

forevercleaning · 05/08/2008 10:17

i do teach mine what they mean, if they ask. When they did use a swear word i explained that it was not a word for children to use, and that grown ups shouldnt use them either but they do sometimes.

We are all humans, think my dh would be mute if he didnt swear lol

Niceychops · 05/08/2008 10:18

Probably, but fuck it.

VictorianSqualor · 05/08/2008 10:24

Nervousal, My children are 3&7, I don't really fancy discussing buggery with them.

Plus, they are children, and even knowing what they mean they still couldn't understand properly, how can you really understand complex adult relationships and memories and thoughts that are entwined with these words f you are a child?

They would use them because they were allowed and it was a something that others weren't allowed to do. It'd hold the novelty factor.

OrmIrian · 05/08/2008 10:27

It depends. I'd avoid the f word or anything more extreme of that nature. I do same 'bugger' and 'bloody' in front of the DCs...come to think of it usually because* of the DCs . And I do have my own idiosyncratic 'driving words'.

I don't expect my children not to swear. I expect them to use language in context and with respect to the people they are speaking to. ie. don't tell my mother to 'f off' . I have no problem with swearing in general - I don't like it when people put a 'f' in between every other word - I think it shows a lack of vocabulary and imagination. Makes me think they are very very stupid.

nervousal · 05/08/2008 10:27

but when I use the word bugger I use it because its a swear work - not because it has anything to do with anal sex? Similarly when I say fuck it rarely has anything to do with having sex?

I just don't understand how if we think its acceptable for adults to swear its not OK for kids? At what age is it acceptable for kids to swear?

VictorianSqualor · 05/08/2008 10:32

You may not use it in relation to anal sex but you'd not use it in the company of, for example, a man who had been raped, because you know where it came from and what it means.

I don't allow my children to use words I don't believe they fully understand be it fuck or hate also as I said, they are still learning to express themselves properly, I think swearing can hinder that. I don't swear if I'm really trying to get my point across, I think very carefully about what I'm trying to say, swearing IMO is a more casual emphasiser, slang, and not appropriate for children trying to get to grips with language.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 05/08/2008 10:34

i try not to swear in front of them but i slip quite a lot! i never swear at them, but i do lose my temper and swear at dh/the dog/myself/the kitchen counter in front of them.

we were sat in the living room yesterday and dd exclaimed quite seriously "that bloody fecking dog has gone behind the chair again" she will use words once or twice trying be a grown up but when we tell her that she shouldnt say those words she stops.

funnily enough she knows its a not good idea to tell dh to f off, or that he is an arsehole.

frankiesbestfriend · 05/08/2008 10:35

I used to swear quite a bit, pre dd, but I barely swear at all now, never in front of dd and only occasionally when she isn't there.

Not that hard to stop swearing, imo. I don't think swearing in front of children is appropriate, and swearing at them is even worse.

Dd has heard the f word from other children at school, but has never repeated it, except to ask what it meant.

Obviously they will hear these words at some stage, but I don't think it should be from their parents.

OrmIrian · 05/08/2008 10:35

My 5yr old has never uttered a swear word in his life. Neither has my 9yr old DD. DS#1 does quite regularly. I suspect it's because it is now something cool that he and his mates do. Wonderful as DH and I undoubtedly are I don't think the children see us as role models. In certain areas they copy friends and peers not parents.

almostblue · 05/08/2008 10:39

"At what age is it acceptable for kids to swear?"

When they don't waste the words, I reckon...

almostblue · 05/08/2008 10:40

PS - I'm much rather my kids said 'I was really fucked off today' than 'I was, like, SOOOOOOOO jarred, yeah?'

VictorianSqualor · 05/08/2008 10:42

frankiesbestfriend, she I think the opposite, I think things like swearing and other adult things should be learnt from the parents.

We should guide them by both discussion and action.

shirleyghostman · 05/08/2008 11:07

I swear as well. I try really hard to think about what I am going to say when I am consumed with the red mist but it doesn't always work.

I agree with VS. My children know not to swear and that it something adults say when they are unable to express themselves in a better format. Maybe that sounds contradictory to some but I would rather they learnt it from me and understand the meaning behind each word than hear it in the playground.

Saying that I don't use the word -w*anker -and my ds1 asked me what it meant the other day. I passed that one over to the OH to explain.

frankiesbestfriend · 05/08/2008 11:09

We did discuss the words she heard VS, I expained some grown ups use them but it was not appropriate for her to do so.

I do try to guide her by my actions, I wouldn't smoke or get drunk in front of her either.

As OrmIrian said, there comes an age when they are guided by their peers actions rather than their parents, until then I will continue to try and teach by example.

UniversallyChallenged · 05/08/2008 11:12

Recently a car swerved into me, I fortunately stopped just in time and said "What a prat!" Dcs looked at me at though my mouth was a sewer (not concernend i was a bit shakey due to the incident!) and said "MUMMY WHAT A THING TO SAY!"

Needless to say I think yanbu - hate swearing

Original poster
May2December · 05/08/2008 11:14

I think it is disrespectful to children to swear in front of them and if we want to set a positive example we should try not to if we do not want them to copy us. I hate to hear toddlers using the 'f' and 'c' word as if it has no currency to shock (in my world I find it shocking if an adult uses these words) but maybe I am a prude. I realise children will swear at school among their peers but this is knowing when appropiate and when not. I would not swear in front of my mother (or any other adult I did not know well) and I am 40.

OP posts:
scaredoflove · 05/08/2008 11:16

Mine are all over 13 but we never curtailed any language here. Sometimes it sounds like ozzy osbournes house

We try not to swear at each other but it does happen in anger someitmes

Swear words are just words, if you take the mystique and naughtyness away, cunt is no different to saying vagina.

I can safely say, my brood never let me down in public, as these words don't bother them

objectivity · 05/08/2008 11:20

I swear to a fairly acceptable degree as an adult so don't particularly moderate it for DC benefit.

  1. I teach them that swear words exist but not to use swear words (even though they still try to do so). It is impossible to cocoon them from expletives so we just talk about appropriate and inappropriate use. I tell them they are too young to make accurate judgments about this so best not to use them at all.
  1. I am often too distracted and stressed to stop myself so the above works better.
jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 05/08/2008 11:25

I swear far more than I would like to (stress). Dh is always telling me off about it.

Ds1 can't talk so he;s safe. DS2 (6) hasn't picked up the swearing - and he's well aware which words are inappropriate and ds3 (3) hasn't come out with anything yet.

The danger I find, is songs with swear words - I have to sing loudly over the top.

frankiesbestfriend · 05/08/2008 11:32

Agree with May2December about setting a positive example.

Also, my Mum did swear in temper when I was with her, and it used to scare me and make me feel as though she was losing control of a situation.

Imo, swear words are not simply words as they cause offence to some.

Niceychops · 05/08/2008 12:17

My parents swore in front of us (my mother only when driving though!) We knew that it was not appropriate to say them in front of teachers/Granny/vicars. We really had no need to say them as there was no shock value in it.

tweeni · 05/08/2008 12:54

NDTH - if you swear at your children would you say any of these? you're a fucking idiot, sit on this fucking chair, do as your fucking told etc.

muggglewump · 05/08/2008 12:57

I swear but not at DD. I'll say "shit, I forgot the milk" or bollocks" if I stub my toe or similar but that's it. Never agressively, never at people.
I don't see the harm really, she knows swear words are like alcohol and cigs, just for adults.
She'd be gutted if I banned all swearing given she loves Gordon Ramsay programmes!

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