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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people should mind their own damn business?

74 replies

Babymumma · 04/08/2008 20:23

My gorgeous ds has a small, light brown birthmark on his left cheek & I am sooooo sick of people commenting on it! Seriously, a woman in the dr's today asked "whats that?" so I said "it's a birthmark" she then said "oh, but you can have them removed these days can't you" WTF! I told her in no uncertain terms that it is part of my son & I don't want to change a hair on his head. This is not the 1st time dp & I have had this conversation with compete strangers and i think it is very rude. AIBU?

OP posts:
cornsilk · 04/08/2008 20:24

It is rude.

missjennipenni · 04/08/2008 20:27

My DS has a red stork bite type birthmark in between his eyebrows, and Im starting to get fed up with the comments too. They always say things like" oh he will grow out of it" etc etc. He is my baby (4 months) and i dont give a crap about a wee red mark on his head!

PeaMcLean · 04/08/2008 20:27

YANBU. Is there not an operation to remove rudeness?

Tommy · 04/08/2008 20:27

It is rude and you have to try and ignore them (not always easy)

If you are very brave (or rude - which I'm sure you're not ), you could pick up on any slight blemish these rude people have and comment on it - they wouldn't like it and maybe might think twice about making personal comments in future

MatNanPlus · 04/08/2008 20:28

Some people just can't help themselves so YANBU at all.

Original poster
Babymumma · 04/08/2008 20:34

Here he iswhat do you think?

OP posts:
MatNanPlus · 04/08/2008 20:35

Umm BabyMumma that is to your sign in page.

Original poster
Babymumma · 04/08/2008 20:38

Oops, I'm a bit rubbish at this!! There are photos of him on my public profile. I think it is tiny and barely noticeable but people really seem to pick up on it!

OP posts:
JentlyDoesIt · 04/08/2008 20:42

I have had exactly the same thing with both DC.

DS has a tiny strawberry mark on his cheek which everybody felt the need to comment on "oh well, it might fade" and "oh dear, will you have it removed?" erm, no, he's my baby and really, it's only the size of a pin head...

DD has a stork mark on her eyebrow and between her eyes and the same thing is happening

Grrr - it's like commenting on someone's acne or something. Just rude

YANBU

TheSoapEatersMum · 04/08/2008 20:47

It is very rude, and hurtful. My son has a fairly large birthmark that goes right from his ear to the back of his neck. His hair has grown over it now, but when he was a tiny baby it was v noticeable because he is really fair. Everyone seemed to have 'helpful' rudeness advice. Grrrr! on your, and your sons' behalf.

Original poster
Babymumma · 04/08/2008 20:49

See, I've never been concerned by it but now I'm worried that if grown-ups who should know better comment on it, will he get picked on at school?

OP posts:
cafebistro · 04/08/2008 20:52

Its awful that people feel the need to comment on things like this....like you hadnt noticed! You have to rise above it...But you are right is very rude.

StealthPolarBear · 04/08/2008 20:54

Well the next time you could look at him in horror and say OH NO I PICKED UP THE WRONG BABY IN THE LAST SHOP
Or you could just tell them to f off
(I can't see your profile)

noonki · 04/08/2008 20:57

YANBU - I had a stork mark for about a year, and my mum thought it would last forever (no one explained to her it would go) and she was shocked at the comments she used to get

as for school - don't make an issue out of, but talk about it (if it is noticable by then) my stepson has huge ears that stick out - and makes the odd joke out of it and we do too - so that when he is teased at school he has some reposed to it

we also let him know how lovely looking he is and that everyone is different and it really doesnt matter what you look like.

unfortunatley if a child is going to be pick on, the bullies will always find something, and I doubt they will even notice

EyeballsintheSky · 04/08/2008 21:01

I recognised someone I hadn't seen since she was 7 because of the birth mark on her nose! It's part of who he is, why would people think you'd want to change that? We're not all clones!

Original poster
Babymumma · 04/08/2008 21:06

SPB - it's really tempting I can tell you.
Noonki - I guess you're right about the bullying, maybe it will fade, maybe not!
I think I've made my profile public now but not sure! It's been a long day & I'm knackered so keep pressing wrong buttons lol.

I have to say, I can't imagine I would ever mention something like this to a Mum no matter how big or small the thing was. People just keep on suprising me.

I also have been asked "Is his Dad foreign" DP's grandparents were Spanish & mexican on 1 side & Irish on the other so lo has olive skin and blue eyes. I did snap one day and reply to a waiter when asked this "I'm not sure, he could be, we are waiting for the test results" He walked away fairly quickly I can tell you!!

OP posts:
wotulookinat · 04/08/2008 21:08

YANBU. Your son is very cute. And you are right - it is part of him and is nothing he (or you) should be made to feel self-conscious about. I can't believe people have the audacity to say things like that

WinkyWinkola · 04/08/2008 21:09

Tell the next person who comments that nose jobs are very easily done these days too and have they ever considered it?

It's weird that people feel that they are free to make comments like that.

Very rude.

MrsWeasley · 04/08/2008 21:10

I've had this with my DD she has a red birthmark on her nose.

theyoungvisiter · 04/08/2008 21:19

a friend's baby has a birthmark on her cheek - it's a slightly unusual one ie not strawberry or cafe au lait etc, and she got so sick of being asked about what it was and how it came there by complete strangers that one day she just said "yeah well, you know what it's like when you're looking for a place to stub out a fag..." !!! It certainly shut the rude asker up anyway.

Maybe you could try that?

barnsleybelle · 04/08/2008 21:19

YANBU... Bet she wouldn't have gone up to a grown man/woman and made a comment about their appearance. Why is that people think they can make whatever comments they want..

Not the same i know, but when my 11 month dd had an horrendous bout of chicken pox a few weeks ago (she was a mess bless her soul) i got totally sick of the stares and just loud enough to hear remarks of "God, did you see the state of that babies face"

It's awful and so no, YA definately NBU. Bet you wanted to whollop her..

StealthPolarBear · 04/08/2008 21:23

he's very cute

indiemummy · 04/08/2008 21:29

YANBU! sympathies! my dd has worn glasses since she was 4 months old and she wears a sticky patch over one eye 3 hours a day. we get endless comments and people muttering about it within earshot.

it makes me really depressed

but you know what, kids can be nosy, but normally once you explain to them "it's a birthmark, it's been there since he was born" they'll just forget about it. sometimes adults are not sure whether or not to mention something and they think they are doing the right thing by talking about it, asking questions, not skirting around the issue. so, although you are being reasonable and people should mind their own business, i don't think people normally mean it maliciously. try not to let it get to you x

Original poster
Babymumma · 04/08/2008 21:29

Thanks SPB, see, I don't think his birthmark is the most noticeable thing about him!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 04/08/2008 21:36

err no the dinner all round his mouth caught my eye