to be jealous that other people have kind easy going dps/dhs

[vinous]

i.e. the sort that would take child to playgroup if they were off work and you were ill.
the sort that sees you as in it together
the sort that will still enjoy a day out if it rains
the sort that will pay to park if it's more convenient

Is it normal for dp to be the way he is, or could he be nicer?

no, he would do it push came to shove, so I wouldn't consider myself a sap.if I had other things to do then he would have to take ds to nursery or whatever himself whether he liked it or not.

My dh takes ds to nursery if he ever gets chance. My dad also sometimes takes ds to nursery, whether I'm ill or not.
dh is usually the one who suggests we go out somewhere, raining or not.
He does his fair share round the house.
vinous, does your dp have any good points?!

Also, where is he parking that doesn't require you to pay?

Dh loves taking ds to play with other children, and to sit and watch him playing. So do I. So much so, we do it together.

Does that make us both saps? I
guess it does

(pfb? pfb? did anyone say pfb?)

if dp was off work and i was ill he would do all the childcare that day - no question of it. andg if he didn't want to go to playgroup it would be to do something more fun with the dc's instead like swimming or park etc. Oh, and as i was ill i would expect basic household tasks and to be done and all meals provided. I don't see how any of that should be controversial in the slightest

lol, that to sm007 obv. am phoning restaurant now vito.

When i was on maternity leave, I went to my works Christmas do whilst DH took dd to my NCT Mums meet-up which involved much discussing of bf and putting babies footprints on plates (we had arranged to met at one of these plate painting cafe places to do footprints....I know, its twee )

They made a brilliant plate, he enjoyed it....and secretly I think he loved the loads of browny points he got from all the other Mums.

He is in the military and is no sap or walkover AT ALL!! He just likes spending time with his dd.

I would say we have a relationship where we both give as good as we get. DH takes DS away one day a week to give me a break (he suggests that not me!) so he does have some good points! He just prefers to do things his way rather than being told what to do which I respect.

Sheesh, who could be arsed with a man who has to be coaxed into looking after his own child?

Life's too short to be cajoling a man to take responsibility for his fair share of parenting.

Unless it's Homer Simpson or Stan Smith - then you might put up with it for a share of the royalties.

Don't the roles a couple has decided on often play a part in this? If you decide only one of you will work and one of you will be the child carer then maybe it's harder to agree on what happenes during the times inbetween? I know plenty of men who take an active and equal role in family life, even the shit stuff. It's not because they are saps but because they see their role as equally important as that of their spouse.

As far as the OP goes... everyone gets grumpy sometimes, everyone bickers, everyone has their own ways of doing things.

And I'm also the same, I do appreciate him telling me what to do, so he accepts that I have my own mind and I'll do things my way aswell. we are both fairly stubborn and know what we want.

sm007 you are sounding a bit bonkers and sap-like yourself im afraid... what a shame you think most men would need coaxing into doing anything with/for their dc/dw... its a bloody good job i dont live with 'most' men then, coz i would be bored to tears if i did!

dp is very strong minded and far too intelligent and uppity to play games with or coerce against his will or get one over on. thats one of the things i love about him. a sap he is NOT.
he does rather adore me and his children too, and actually enjoys our company believe it or not. i love that about him too.

oops, that was meant to be i dont appreciate him telling me what to do!! whoopsey

nope, I'm no sap I'm afraid and have been told I'm not the easiest person to live with, so can't imagine that's 'sap-like' behaviour.

phew!!

sounds like there must be a lot of conflict in your house, SM. neither of you sound that easy to live with to me.

we have a healthy degree of conflict (in that we don't agree on absolutely everything just to appease the other) in our relationship which I think is great.
DH loves spending time with his DS, but doesn't like to be 'told' what to do. Ditto.
As for OP, we've all got our own set of problems, wouldn't worry too much. It's just your DH characteristics, you have tolove them...lol

in most cases there is a dominant and submissive spouse, whereas occasionally you have both dominant spouses. we are the latter!

are you still there, vinous?

i think the issue is that you appear to have assumed that zero conflict = sappy, when it might just mean = adult.

I'm really staggered at how many people here make an false link between thoughtfulness and submissiveness. My dh does all the things mentioned by the OP (this week he took a day off work because I was sick and took ds to baby massage...). But he's also one of the strongest people I know. Personally I think that it's because he is such a strong and confident person that he wouldn't think twice about doing something like that. I wouldn't have married and had kids with a man who didn't see it as an equal partnership.