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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Well am I or is my MIL? Are you allowed to be a Mummy and a Person?

28 replies

pinkbubble · 01/08/2008 21:00

As soon as you have a child you are not allowed to be a person as well as a Mummy!

One or the other but not both!

OP posts:
lazaroulovesleggings · 01/08/2008 21:01

What? I wish someone had told me

Lizzylou · 01/08/2008 21:02

No, she's right
From now on in, it's all aprons, baking and pandering to your partner and kids

Romy7 · 01/08/2008 21:03

i've got so many hats i never know which one i'm wearing from one minute to the next... my favourite task is listing them in my head and working out which one to get rid of to simplify my life.
not a mummy and a person?
more like reducing the number of multiple peronalities that are co-existing in one body...

Original poster
pinkbubble · 01/08/2008 21:03

ME to, Its like that advert "Daddy or chips?" But in stead it should be "Person or Mummy!"

OP posts:
Romy7 · 01/08/2008 21:03

personalities, obv.

Romy7 · 01/08/2008 21:04

oh, Lizzy, that's already two... unless you like that mothering the dh thing - can't get my head round that...

Original poster
pinkbubble · 01/08/2008 21:05

She is the MIl who believes that how can you possibly go out and leave the ironing, washing in the machine, polishing and hoovering when the sun is shining and the DC want to go to the park!

Sunny day, Park = happy DC

Housework, Sunny day = V grumpy Mummy and DC!

OP posts:
Clairef29 · 01/08/2008 21:07

Oh no no you should just be a Mummy and have no life outside of Mummydom

As if!!! Its vital you are a person or you would go stir crazy! A happy Mum makes happy children......well most of the time

As much as I adore my DD I also adore my life as a "person"!! Going out with friends, spending time alone with DH, time alone with a good book or a treat like a facial! You need to feel valued as a person not just as a Mum.

Ok, essay over!

lazaroulovesleggings · 01/08/2008 21:08

IS she a helpful mil though, or does she point out everything she thinks is wrong and then doesn't offer to help?

ScottishMummy · 01/08/2008 21:16

i dislike when i am referred to solely as XXXXXMummy.aggghhhh i am still me

Original poster
pinkbubble · 01/08/2008 21:17

She is helpful sometimes, or she makes you think she is helpful, ie, she will have DC for a few days so DH and I can go away, unfortunately she does nothing but moan to them, telling them things like - "I can't believe your Dad is happy living like this!" She tells the DC we live in a pig sty, She tells that what a lovely kitchen wbut such a shame its so messy!

She is lovely - I think! Just a different age era!

Funny thing is she will have DC for a few days but won't babysit for an evening< think while typing this have realised why! I only ever ask her when DH is away so I can have an evening out scrapbooking! Obviously I am having a life! Obviously not allowed....

She will have DC at a drop of a hat if DH asks her!

I know I am being unfair on her, but today she has really made my blood boil! I feel awful moaning about her especially as my mother has no time for me or my family!

OP posts:
Tortington · 01/08/2008 21:18

kick 'er int' fanjo

Lizzylou · 01/08/2008 21:20

Romy, he mothers me more, tbh!
This is just a generation thing, I think?
Gone are the days of women chained to the kitchen sink, but some women of the older generation don't "get" that.

Original poster
pinkbubble · 01/08/2008 21:21

TBH Custardo I nearly hit her this afternoon.

We are going on holiday with her in 2 wks time and I told DH tonight that if MIL goes, I do not! He very sweetly said ok, tell she can't come! He knows full well I would/could not say that to her!

OP posts:
MsHighwater · 01/08/2008 21:22

I actually think that some women, even these days, do prefer to subsume their individual identity into "Mother". Maybe your MIL is one of these (albeit from a previous generation of mothers).

YANBU.

Original poster
pinkbubble · 01/08/2008 21:24

LL, My MIL is only 63! But acts sometimes as 163!

OP posts:
jammi · 01/08/2008 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lizzylou · 01/08/2008 22:01

Pinkbubble, I was so worried last week before telling my Mom I was going back to work, albeit parttime, she thought it was a fantastic idea.
IL's are a different story, as a daughter in law whatever you do will be wrong!

Cappuccino · 01/08/2008 22:03

it's not a generational thing

my mother is the same age and thinks no such thing

your mil is a loon

MmeLindt · 01/08/2008 22:06

I agree with Cappuccino. My mum is the same age and would ROFL at the idea that you can either be a mummy or a person.

She always says, "Clorty kids are happy kids"

AbbeyA · 01/08/2008 22:15

It is not generational -it is an attitude of mind-a very strange one IMO.

Original poster
pinkbubble · 01/08/2008 22:15

LL I do work, I made sure that it fits perfectly around my DC, they are all at school and I work in the school where 2 of them attend!

Her answer to me being on holiday at the moment is.... "No you are not on holiday, you are just off work! You still have other duties (she then went on to list them) The fact being that I have just spent a whole week with my DC doing a fantastic cookery course that was from 10am - 3pm (Monday - Friday_ DH could cope with it, why couldn't she!

Just because I am off work doesn't mean I am not on holiday!

OP posts:
Lizzylou · 01/08/2008 22:16

PB, you have my sympathies....she sounds horrendous

Original poster
pinkbubble · 01/08/2008 22:39

Although at times she can be absolutely gorgeous, unfortunately I am not seeing this side of her at the moment!

With everything that she has said to me today, I have to say, she is still more of a Mum to me than my so called dear MOTHER is!

OP posts:
angelene · 01/08/2008 23:01

Sounds very much like my MIL, who I don't get on with. She doesn't actually give a shit about me, I'm just someone she has to tolerate in order to see DD. I mentioned the other week that I was going to be away for a night with work, and she enquired as to who would be 'minding' DD!!! Something she didn't do when DH was away for 4 days with work, or on stag weekends or football trips!

IMO the mum-should-be-at-home thing is the generation BEFORE her's, which she sees as ideal. Mine doesn't understand that going to work isn't just a job for me, it's a career and is essential for my sanity and therefore the relatively evenness of the keel of the household.

YANBU!