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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH to go if he wants to.

22 replies

Bubbler · 01/08/2008 17:10

Everytime I don't have a smile plastered to my face and agree with DH he says he will leave.. so this time I have said fine go.

OP posts:
ihatebikerides · 01/08/2008 17:13

More info, please. There must be more to it than this.........

lulumama · 01/08/2008 17:14

sounds like a lot has happened to bring you to this point

Original poster
Bubbler · 01/08/2008 17:17

Really that is pretty much it.. I said I wanted to have a family day out.. i.e picnic. he didn't want to go. I stayed at home ( popping to park with DC's) he sulked. I made diner.. he sulked and didn't eat it. I said fine i'll give it to the dog ( which I did).
he said you always have a go at me ( because I had said fine).

I said don't be daft
he said right I'm leaving

This time I have said fine leave then.

He uses the I'm leaving everytime he sulk btw.

OP posts:
lulumama · 01/08/2008 17:18

right then
has he left?

i would have gone out for a picnic and left him to it

is he always like this with family stuff

Sobernow · 01/08/2008 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kaedsmum · 01/08/2008 17:19

Yeah more info needed. However, if you're unhappy and acting fake and you're not too fussed if he does go, maybe you're right to say go.

Original poster
Bubbler · 01/08/2008 17:20

Lulu you are right, he wants to do less and less with us as a family, but at the same time expects me to do less as well. Apart from keep the house and work etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bubbler · 01/08/2008 17:28

No he hasn't left, he is still sulking.
I am off for a day out with the dc's tomorrow .. he will be invited, but we are going anyway!

and yes ALWAYS like it about family stuff, unless it involves lots of money. ( that he can spend as he wishes)

OP posts:
Chocmad · 01/08/2008 17:30

Hi Bubbler, have had the same sort of prob on occasion with my DH, he's lovely 90% of the time, but sometimes gets a real bee in his bonnet and refuses to come out with me and the DC's or just be cival in general ( although he's never threatened to leave ).

I've found the best way to deal with it is just to go ahead with your plans as normal..can be difficult some times as is always harder on your own than with DH there, but just go ahead with what you were doing..make sure you all have a really lovely time so he realises what he's missed.

My DH only tends to do it when he's stressed about something else - has yours got a stressful job that may get on top of him a bit?

youcannotbeserious · 01/08/2008 17:34

Agree with Chocmad - A stressful job can bring out this behaviour....

Jus tstick to your plans and give him so space and see what happens.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 01/08/2008 17:34

my tried that once. a stupid arugument oevr something and he told me he didnt know why he was with me so i told him "you know where the door is" he said a few times but has given up now telling me he is going to leave me now! dont pander to his sulking he is behaving like a child and ime its best to ignore a tantruming toddler

lulumama · 01/08/2008 17:36

what does he hope to achieve by sulking?

just get on with stuff with the DCs and maybe you need a talk about whether he really is committed to you as a family

worth talking about it though, i would not end my marriage about it though

MamaGLovesMe · 01/08/2008 17:37

Only tell him to go if you are prepared for him to follow through.

You could be throwing your marriage away in a huff.

lucyellensmum · 01/08/2008 18:01

he needs to grow up, he is being very selfish

Original poster
Bubbler · 01/08/2008 18:24

Oh I wish he had the drive to have a stressful job.. he works partime as a van delivery driver. Only going back to this as after being a house husband, when I cut my 80 hours a week!

sometimes I think he does only stay because he wouldn't be able to afford to live on only his wages.

If he worked long hours or in a stressful job I could understand him not wanting to do anything when he gets home.

tbh I am happy to plod along , we sometimes have okay times and it's nice having someone there in the evenings. But I'm actually not too worried if he did go..

OP posts:
Alambil · 01/08/2008 18:54

am sorry to hear this bubb... I have no idea what to say though

ladymariner · 01/08/2008 19:01

Hardly the "happy ever after" though, is it?
Hope it works out for you. xx

Judy1234 · 01/08/2008 19:39

I hope he's good in bed or looks good because if it isn't for that he sounds like a complete waste of space. He sounds like a typicla housewife who refuses to work!

mankymummy · 01/08/2008 19:44

oh dear, guess the pole dancing advice last night didnt work...

sounds like you have the right attitude, although maybe sitting down and talking to him might sort thing out enough for you to enjoy each others company rather than having ok times?

Original poster
Bubbler · 01/08/2008 20:32

oh well he's still sulking
thanks for the replies
Lewis, if he goes.. we'll go out dating men together!!

OP posts:
KatieDD · 01/08/2008 20:33

I'd chuck the twat out he sounds just like my Dad who didn't change in the 6 years my mother wasted on him and made us all miserable, get rid.

elmoandella · 01/08/2008 20:47

i dont see whats wrong with plodding along. you've no major issue.

plod away. gripe on here when required.

big dramatic relationships can be a pretty tiring rollercoaster.

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