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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be fed up with mil even though she's a lovely person

15 replies

weenawoo · 30/07/2008 13:36

Although I do get on well with her she is around all the time since I had my 11 week old baby. Was really tired yesterday when she popped in at midday. She stayed till 8:30pm managing to invite Sil round for early evening. DH is away at the moment and was wanting to enjoy relaxing time with DD. Also follows me to watch when changing nappies, making up bottles. I know she is being nice and wants to help but feeling a little claustrophobic!

OP posts:

beanieb · 30/07/2008 13:40

Don't answer the door! Does she come unannounced?

If she rings ahead tell her you're busy or that you can only spare an hour!

Original poster

weenawoo · 30/07/2008 13:46

No, she phones to say shes on her way, then knows I'm in as I answer the phone! Kind of feel nasty if I lie to put her off as she really does care, think she wants to be useful but I am quite independent so get annoyed with all the fussing.

OP posts:

beanieb · 30/07/2008 13:53

screen your calls... do youhave an answer machine or caller ID?

sitdownpleasegeorge · 30/07/2008 13:55

If she's fairly baby competent can't you leave her in charge of sleeping baby while you catch up on a bit of sleep. Suggest that you've been up practically all night with resless baby due to the hot weather, droop your eyelids a lot and nip up stairs for a couple of hours lie down with a magazine if you can't actually get off to sleep or go for a nice long soak in the bath.

fruitful · 30/07/2008 13:55

MIL follows me around when I'm doing nappies / feeds too.

plan a) ask her not to - this works for a while and then she forgets

plan b) give her a job to do (e.g. make cup of tea) and then go off to do the nappy

plan c) ask her to change the nappy / do the feed while I sit on the sofa

They do like to be useful, sometimes they just don't know how.

Its a good idea to try to learn how to ask her to leave, too. Otherwise you'll be posting this again in a few years time with the next baby, and by then you'll be really cross with her!

Tell her how wonderful she is in at least 3 different ways and how much you appreciate her. Then arrange a time for her to come later in the week. She might get the hint from that, or you might have to come out with it and say you'd like some time alone with your dd now.

tab1 · 30/07/2008 13:57

know how you feel and my dd is 13 months now. My mil phones and says oh you are in then, we are on our way. It annoys me cos just cos i'm in doesn't mean i want company, especially the kind who sits down expecting waiting on and doesn't help at all. also they buy dd gifts and use it as an excuse to come round as they need to bring them straight away, i'm sure i could wait a week, the suspense wouldn't kill me.

Original poster

weenawoo · 30/07/2008 13:57

Probably the best idea but have a feeling she will start dropping things round on the off chance I'm in - might just go to every baby group I can find till baby sleeps more and I feel like being reasonable about these things.

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 30/07/2008 14:01

I know how you feel too - my MIL is fab - she came over from Australia 2 weeks prior to DS being born and stayed until he was 6 weeks old. So I had her here ALL THE TIME. She did her best, tried not to be in my face the whole time and was brilliant at doing background housework - and she is lovely and I get on fine with her - but God, sometimes I wished she would just go OUT! And to be fair, she did more and more (she has 2 SILs in my town) but because it was winter she was still here too much really.

I felt guilty sometimes too but in the end, I thought nah, I have hormones, I'm allowed to feel oppressed if I want to!

I also had terrible feelings of "MY baby" whenever she had a cuddle for any length of time and had totally unreasonable "taking agin" episodes of things she was doing and saying to my PFB

scottishmum007 · 30/07/2008 14:02

i had all this when my DS was a few weeks old. they soon got the message that i didn't want them over visiting. i avoided them completely when they were in and just took DS upstairs to feed him. i can't be bothered with it all. sometimes you need time to yourself when you have just had a baby, even a few months in.

Original poster

weenawoo · 30/07/2008 14:08

thanks thumbwitch, that makes me feel like less of a cow. She persuaded me to let aunty give the bottle last night (have only just stated her on formula) Baby got distracted, all ended in vomit! Am normally more assertive but to tired to stand my corner at the moment

OP posts:

bonnibaby · 30/07/2008 14:16

Give her an enormous pile of ironing to do
It would annoy me too but if she wants to help id tell her how much you would appreciate various jobs doing .
She may well get fed up and stop coming round..

Seabright · 30/07/2008 16:51

Get caller display. It is wonderful. I regularly avoid family members who I just don't have the strength to talk to!

TwoBigNorks · 30/07/2008 16:55

Tell her you are having a day in bed with baby as you both need the sleep, ask her not to ring as it will wake you

moondog · 30/07/2008 17:05

If you are bottle feeding, leave her to it and go out. I guarantee that in about 8-9 mths you will b gagging for a relative to 'take over'.

fruitful · 30/07/2008 21:01

Yep, caller display is good. I just never answer the phone until I've heard who it is on the answering machine. I can also turn the phone ringer off so I don't get disturbed. In our last house we had a plug-in doorbell - I used to turn that off too. It was a townhouse on a hill - the living area was upstairs from the front door so it was really easy to hide from unwanted callers! In every other respect the stairs up from the door were a pain, but that was nice!

Weenawoo, you're completely not being a cow! I'd have gone demented if anyone had arrived uninvited and stayed for 8 hours, new baby or not. Not that they would, I'd have taken baby upstairs and asked them to make sure the door was properly shut on their way out ...

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