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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friends should remember your birthday?

19 replies

cathcat · 30/07/2008 00:16

Two friends seem to make no effort to remember my birthday even though I always remember theirs. What is that all about? I know it could be money but we are supposed to be going out on Saturday and they will be spending lots on drink, dancing etc. I just think that it is good manners to celebrate your friend's birthday, even a bunch of flowers from your garden or bake a cake. I feel annoyed at myself for minding about this; I am old enough to not mind about it. But this year DH forgot my birthday too FFS!

OP posts:
Tortington · 30/07/2008 00:18

no- one forgets my birthday

i tell em

"ITS MY BIRTHDAY!"

Happy birthday btw - your friends are twats

Original poster
cathcat · 30/07/2008 00:20

Thank you. My DH is one too then, lol.

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differentID · 30/07/2008 00:20

I've given up telling when my irthday is. They've been told the night before ffs and they were coming over to "celebrate my birthday", they turn up, cake ready and say "oh is it your birthday, we didn't know!"
It's in the 7th August btw

differentID · 30/07/2008 00:22

as in we had the cake ready in the kitchen. dinner sorted, cake for dessert, wine in the fridge and could they remember? no.
My dh has just learned to remember it- i fire quick questions at him- "When's my Birthday?" He got it right for the first time straight away last week.

thumbwitch · 30/07/2008 00:23

the older I get, the fewer friends remember my birthday - DH never forgets it though (well not yet anyway ). My best friend has the same b'day as me and every year several friends remember hers and forget mine - that's really bad!

I stopped caring last year (other things to worry about) and now I don't send cards to those who don't remember mine. Saves on resentment.

troubledfriend · 30/07/2008 00:32

YABU!

Happy Birthday!

wrinklytum · 30/07/2008 00:35

Maybe they had a lot on their minds.I forgot my good friends Bday last year and I usually make an effort to find her something nice,but dp was really sick and dd had lots of hospital tests....

Happy birthday

hughjarssss · 30/07/2008 00:37

Happy birthday!

Hip Hip Hooray ...

Original poster
cathcat · 30/07/2008 00:40

thumbwitch - yes, this year I did not send a card to someone for that reason and we don't keep a lot of contact. But these two I see all the time. One is DS2'd Godmother - in fact she forgot his birthday too !
I think it annoys me though when they make a joke about forgetting it , am I suppose to find it funny every year?! I do have lots of lovely friends who do remember btw.

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Original poster
cathcat · 30/07/2008 00:42

differnetID, happy birthday for Aug 7th!

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differentID · 30/07/2008 00:45

lol, thanks. We see each other most weekends, so it does depress me a bit that they don't seem to be bothered iyswim, yet make a huge fuss about it being theirs. We usually clebrate the weekend before or after, but can't this year as they go away the weekend before and we go away th eone after. All I want is a text message saying happy birthday.

Original poster
cathcat · 30/07/2008 01:03

Start dropping heavy handed reminders now. My two actually said they were going to buy birthday books and get me to help them fill in important dates. Didn't happen, don't think it would have made a difference anyway. I am resolving not to 'remember' their birthdays next year but this makes me twitchy and I will probably cave nearer the time. Such is life I suppose!

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RuffleTheAnimal · 30/07/2008 01:06

christ i am totally unreliable re birthdays and Being A Good Friend to a timetable... sometimes life gets in the way.
a good friend is one who doesnt take offence imo! id have no beef with a friend saying 'oi! you cow! its MY birthday 2moror'. id blush then try to get/do summat nice.

Original poster
cathcat · 30/07/2008 01:14

Yes but how many times are you not supposed to take offence? And Ruffle, you obviously make the effort to get/do something nice. When that doesn't happen.... yes I can accept it and roll with it to an extent but part of me thinks it is odd that the favour is not returned. I end up feeling an idiot for always getting them something nice but not vice versa. Not feeling sorry for myself btw, quite interesting to discuss this actually. theraputic (sp?)

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thumbwitch · 30/07/2008 01:17

well at least downgrade them to just a card - don't waste time looking for something nice for them. Life's too short for that - and see if they notice! (therapEutic, btw )

RuffleTheAnimal · 30/07/2008 01:20

i actually feel horribly guilty about one friend in partic (but most long term ones tbh) who i never remember the birthday of. even now, i know its sometime in april. probably. and ive known and loved her for over a decade!! she knows full well i wont tho... and she doesnt wind herself up being good about mine either... id rather get together when we can and have a great old time gossiping and drinking bonding and laughing and feeling all loved and great about the world, than remmeber a birthday once a year not get to do that stuff. not that you were for one second offering those as options/comparisons! sorry!

differentID · 30/07/2008 01:20

I have actually told them the day before that it's my birthday and still nothing.

RuffleTheAnimal · 30/07/2008 01:23

well if they dont make the effort, or for whatever reason, they dont remember yours, and more than once too, then you simply stop bothering about theirs. they are obviously not Birthday People! and if they get uppity about you forgetting, then kick some arse

Original poster
cathcat · 30/07/2008 01:29

I agree, time to downgrade as Thumb and Ruffle say.
Sympathies differentID, as my 2 were told the day before too, by other friends and still didn't remember. i think drink addled their brains.

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