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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think its wrong for a group of 14 year old boys and girls to be camping out unsupervised.

137 replies

Remotew · 29/07/2008 21:44

Ok so its not my problem, thank god but DD has said that some of her class mates are camping out on the hills at 14. I'm glad she didnt ask as I wouldn't let her do this. IABU

OP posts:
anniemac · 30/07/2008 11:09

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zippitippitoes · 30/07/2008 11:10

if they are doing exhausting walking/climbing/kayaking activities as well then a bit different

to just lets all go and camp for the night

Cosette · 30/07/2008 11:12

My DDs are 12 and 11, and I cannot imagine that at 14 I would be willing to let them go camping as part of a mixed-sex group.

They've done camps with guides, and with friends in the garden, and get a reasonable amount of freedom to go out and about with friends, so it's not that I wouldn't trust them.

My concern would be that they could be put under pressure to do things that they're not comfortable with, in an environment from which they cannot easily remove themselves. I have memories of sneaking out to an all-night party at a friend's house (after having told parents I was staying at another friend's), and spending most of the night hiding from this fairly aggressive boy who had informed me that we were going to have sex whether I liked it or not. I was probably about 15, and did manage to avoid him, but it was not a positive experience.

anniemac · 30/07/2008 11:13

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VictorianSqualor · 30/07/2008 11:19

Every time you let them walk out of their house without sewing their pants to their legs or putting their penis in a drawer you are handing them the opportunity on a plate.

Especially during the holidays. I guarantee some of every teenagers friends parents are at work, leaving their child with the key.

Shagarama.

anniemac · 30/07/2008 11:23

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MamaG · 30/07/2008 12:07

I wasn't otu shagging as a teen, but lots of my mates were

I'm very suspicious of teens!

jamiesummers · 30/07/2008 13:14

Just a thought but has no one considered the risk from dirty old men lurking around, I seem to remember some peado taking a kid from a tent whilst the others were sleeping,
or what about a group of older teeneagers turning up?? IMO 14yr olds should be supervised as they are not adults and IME (which is heartbreaking) you may be able to trust your kids but you cannot protect them if you are not there, I know I am overprotective but I can no longer allow my 16yr DD sleepovers because even friends parents can be abusers IUSWIM

prettybird · 30/07/2008 13:25

Depending on the kids, I'd be OK with it.

At 14/15 I was going off to house parties in the country (but not staying over) with big mixed groups of friends in NZ. We could and some did - but not me! ) have got up to all sorts.

Ds is only 7 (nearly 8) so we're not there yet with him: altohugh we are about to let him go the park on his own to play with a friend (5-10 minute walk away).

Happy for him to go to sleepovers any time with any of his firends - as their parents are in return. We trust our friends.

In fact - on Monday, when dh and I were going out for a meal to celebrate a big deal I had just closed, ds went off - on his own - to meet his friend half way to his house and was then going to stay over at his friend's house. It was easier than orgnaising a baby sitter!

anniemac · 30/07/2008 13:26

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AbbeyA · 30/07/2008 13:27

You are being over protective if you don't let a 16 yr old have sleepovers! You need to start letting go, in 2 years they can set off to Australia on their own without needing your permission. If they go to University away from home you can't be there to supervise! Surely at 16 she could have a mobile to contact you in the unlikely event of a friend's parent abusing her? She needs to learn to deal with situations-not be wrapped in cotton wool.

bluefox · 30/07/2008 13:27

JS Sorry but I think you are being OTT not allowing a 16 yr old to sleepovers because the friends parents might be abusers. What are things coming to?

anniemac · 30/07/2008 13:28

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Kewcumber · 30/07/2008 13:30

Jamie - your 16 year old is old enough to get marreid have sex and die for her country in the army. Banning sleepovers is barking mad. How do you think she's going to cope with the world when she leaves home?

nappyaddict · 30/07/2008 13:31

i did that at about 15.

Kewcumber · 30/07/2008 13:31

I think naive gullable over-protected 18 year olds are far more at risk from predatory men than canny streetwise 16 year olds. only my very humble opinion of course.

bluefox · 30/07/2008 13:33

My 16 yr old would hate me and be a laughing stock if I stopped her from staying at friends houses!

cestlavie · 30/07/2008 13:37

I'm inclined to agree: if they're going to have sex they're going to do so regardless. Letting them go away camping overnight doesn't implicitly condone them doing so it merely says that you trust them to act responsibly - I mean it's hardly as though you're sending them off with a rucksack full of condoms and a sly wink...

Ditto the risk of anything happening to them is absolutely tiny. I remember going away camping overnight at about that age on a Duke of Edinburgh expedition and the worst risk we ran was setting fire to ourselves with ambitious campfire building and mild electrocution on an electric fence (which someone actuallymanaged to do). We were checked for any alcohol and fags though before we were left for the night otherwise I guess that would have been one potential danger...!

AbbeyA · 30/07/2008 13:42

I can't really follow your thinking jamiesummers. Are you suddenly going to let her free at 18-a complete innocent abroad, with no idea how to look after herself or are you planning on keeping her at home when she is a young adult?
Growing up is all about risk taking, making mistakes and learning from them.
As kewcumber said, she is old enough to get married and die for her country and yet you won't let her have a sleepover! I am surprised she lets you get away with it!
A lot of people on this thread seem to have had dodgy teenage years and yet are still here to tell the tale and appear to have turned into responsible adults!

zippitippitoes · 30/07/2008 13:45

i guess jamiesummers has had personal experience of some kind

but mostly these things pass off without any lasting ill effects

where things do go wrong then often everyone learns from it

andyou cannot avoid things going wrong for ever

gradually frredom needs to increase and maybe better to start at this agewhen a lot of kids are a bit more conservbative and cautious than wait until they are older and lack experience and the cork pops

Original poster
Remotew · 30/07/2008 14:18

Thank you very much for all your replies. DD hasn't asked to go she is a bit shy and doesn't like camping (as if that would matter if she was that way inclined). She told me some (not all) of her friends where doing this a few nights ago so it got me thinking is it too young.

The girls that went are probably the more forward ones in the group that already have had a couple of boyfriends. Whilst its great to trust them at 14 I do think its an open invitation to get up to mischief sex wise.

I agree if they are going to do it they will find a way, which was my experience at that age.

I would still feel uncomfortable with it but maybe next year at age 15 I might agree to it but definitley at 16.

They have just completed DofE and she reasoned that that trip was mainly unsupervised but there were teachers around so I say its different.

OP posts:
stitch · 30/07/2008 14:22

yes, i know that venture scouts are not supervised the same way.
but a scouts group, girl guides group etc. are generally trained in the required camping skills etc. and the tend to go there with an agenda other than getting drunk and laid.
a group of 14 year olds camping out together for their d of e awards, or scouts badges, is imo a very different proposition from a group of 14 year olds out in a tent with the thrill of the forbidden about them

yes, responsibilty and trust are very important, but they also have to be earned.

Tortington · 30/07/2008 14:24

depends on the kid imo

dd - fine

ds1 - fine
ds2 - definately not

igivein · 30/07/2008 14:43

am youth leader. We'd expect 14 yr olds to do Dof E expeditions (camping overnight hiking during the day) without direct supervision. (supervisors stay nearby, easy to call if needed, can do spot checks on the camp etc). It's amazing how 'coddled' some kids are these days, last time out one of the kids hadn't brought any food, because his mum wanted to bring it to him each mealtime (he was going to be about 30 miles away from home and she was planning to drive over each mealtime fgs!). You've got to let them out sometime!

jamiesummers · 30/07/2008 14:48

I allow my DD to do all things that her friends do she does not feel she is missisng out, but from the age of 9 to 14 her best friends father was abusing her and his own daughter, he was a "trusted" family friend, and is now serving a long sentence due to my "overprotected" daughter who I am sorry will now never be a "complete innocence abroad" I do know my experience is not the norm but actually is not as unusual as you may think, I too believed and trusted my daughters friends, but I have learned the hard way that I can not protect my Child from afar!