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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To possibly want another baby so my DS won't be an only child?

15 replies

mamadiva · 28/07/2008 20:16

I don't even know if I'm on the right thread!My DS is 2 and earlier I was just watching him play in the garden and the boys next door (2 brothers) were playing and my DS just looked so lonely looking over the fence trying to join in with them.

I'm not sure about having another child as I basically had bad experiences from the start of the pregnancy and even now he is quite a difficult child, not badly behaved just a real handfull!

OP posts:

tab1 · 28/07/2008 20:20

my dd is 13 months and i don't want her to be an only child as i was one and i hated it, but i don't know if i could cope with 2 as i find parenting hard, she is non stop and i spend all day chasing after her. its a hard decision but i'm waiting to decide when she is more independnet

MrsTittleMouse · 28/07/2008 20:22

I had a lot of "issues" during my first pregnancy, delivery, and also with DD1 as a baby. She's been a handful all the way along (but very sweet). However, I'm pregnant again with another DD (intentionally). So far, the pregnancy has been just as bad, and I have a toddler to boot. I'm also really nervous about the delivery and how I'll cope with two little ones.

I think that it's nice to have another child so that your DS has a sibling, but I wouldn't do it just for that. After all, they might not get on, and I have plenty of friends who were only children and are completely fine - not the horrible sterotype at all. I think that if you do have another, then you should do it for you. We're both really excited about having another member of the family, and I think that that's the only really valid reason to go through it all again.

Original poster

mamadiva · 28/07/2008 20:23

Also should say am still with DS's dad and have just returned to work 5 months ago. Am really confused by this!!! I'm 21 but don't want a big gap if I were to decide to go ahead and try.

OP posts:

lizandlulu · 28/07/2008 20:23

my dd is exactly the same. we are going to try for another baby after april of next year. i have always wanted 2, but didnt anticipate how difficult dd would be. i am going to have another more for her than me as she loves babies and is getting ot the stage where she wants a playmate.
in a way i wish i had had another earlier so they could play together now.

i think is you have good support then yanbu[snile]

lizandlulu · 28/07/2008 20:24

, not snile!

stumpywombat · 28/07/2008 20:24

Think you should have another baby if you really want another baby (and can face the pregnancy) and not because you don't want your ds to be an only. There are pros and cons to being an only, and pros and cons to having siblings. If you're aware of the cons to being an only you may be able to address them. I have an older brother and can't say that I really benefited from having someone to fight with, shout at, be sat on by for the first 14 years of my life until he went to uni.

Original poster

mamadiva · 28/07/2008 20:29

I have a little brother who was born when I was 8 so I kind of remember both sides but there's a big gap between us so obviously possibly not as close as younger siblings, I think anyway LOL.

OP posts:

Original poster

mamadiva · 28/07/2008 20:35

no DP is defo against idea LOL.

Is just one of those situations there isn't a right answer I guess.

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 28/07/2008 20:45

mamadiva if you do a search on here for threads on only children you will find some really brilliant threads....well worth a read and may help you to decide how you feel.

(am v happy mum of one )!!

MsDemeanor · 28/07/2008 20:47

I think it's a very reasonable reason to have more children, and you wouldn't think like that (IMO) unless you weren't a bit keen on the notion yourself. All two year olds are hard work anyway, but they get easier (eventually).

MindingMum · 28/07/2008 21:22

I am a mum of 5 DC and believe it or not if I had my time over I would only have one.

I was an only child and would have been devastated if a sibling had come along.

All except the first of my children were planned and I love them all to pieces but have an extra special relationship with eldest which fulfills all my maternal needs

Please don't have another just because you think your DS is lonely - you could have 10 more children and he'd still be looking longingly at the children over the fence cos that's the nature of children

Takver · 28/07/2008 21:42

Just to say that its not that bad being an only - I'm an only and there are plenty of plus points making up for the lack of playmate on site. If nothing else a smaller family means a smaller house, less need to earn money, so more time to spend with your DS. And as others have pointed out, not all siblings get along.
My dd is also a (planned) only, she has plenty of friends and is also good at playing by herself and being independent. She's hard work sometimes as well, and moans about being bored and having no-one to play with at times, but probably no more than non-only children moan about or fight with their siblings!

2luvlyboys · 28/07/2008 21:46

Having a second child completely changed the dynamics of our family. For the better imo as my name shows but it still changed it. They don't welcome the new baby with open arms and say great a new playmate thanks mum! The playing together may come when they are older but then again they may not. Having said that having 2 completed our family imo and I wouldn't be without either of them.

ChocFudgeCake · 28/07/2008 22:00

My DH aged 36 still is somewhat unhappy about being an only child. He does not resent his parents, apparently there was a medical reason.

Roboshua · 28/07/2008 22:28

Haven't read all the posts but as far as I am cocnerned you should only have another child because you want one and not because anyone else (child or partner)does. Having a second child doesn't automatically mean they will have ready made playmates. They may just not get on. My two (4 & 8) do get on brilliantly but my sister and I hated (and I don't use that term lightly) each other when we were kids. (We get on fine now). I have some young cousins (5 & 9) and again they really don't get on and the 9 yr old is very jealous of the 5 year old.

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