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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think an old lady who wanders around naked except a short coat shouldnt live on her own ?

29 replies

mousemole · 28/07/2008 18:18

There is a lady who lives opposite us how is about 75-77 at a guess. She has been a total pain sometimes to us - called the police when our builders parked outside her house ( legally I might add, she just doesnt like people parking outside her house), screaming at the tesco delivery lady for doing the same, leaning on my doorbell at midnight to tell me our otuside light was keeping her awake etc etc etc. Depsite being very riled by her I have ignored her and dismissed her as slightly loopy. This evening however she was watering her front garden naked bar a short mac type coat. Sorry for TMI but it kept flapping open and you could see 'everything'. Now as much as she has caused me a lot of headaches I am concerned and feel she probably shouldnt be living on her own ( in detached house with big garden) if she is acting like this. AIBU and should I leave her to it ? her sons visit only occasionally - should I say something to one of them. Spoke to DH and he said call the police which I think is a bit extreme but I am worried about her welfare.

OP posts:
itati · 28/07/2008 18:19

Oh, a hard one. Could your ring the CAB as they may know who can see if she is okay. Her GP maybe? Has she done it before?

lljkk · 28/07/2008 18:19

I would speak to the sons.

2shoes · 28/07/2008 18:20

could you call age concern they could advise.

stitch · 28/07/2008 18:21

does she have any friends who visit?
speak to the sons.

Rosa · 28/07/2008 18:21

Age Concern ????- but would have though the GP would be a good place to start .

cocolepew · 28/07/2008 18:21

I think you can call social services and they could send somebody round to assess her.

escape · 28/07/2008 18:24

mabe she was hot - seriously, and her gardening outfit, was a little, ahem, ill advised.
She's clearly got issues re; your comments on her neighbourly history, but she might not have totally 'lost it'... just a thought

TinkerBellesMum · 28/07/2008 18:25

I think you should call Adult Protection (it's like Child Protection, but for vulnerable adults). If you did call the police it wouldn't be extreme, they would call the AP team and make sure she was looked after.

WorzselMummage · 28/07/2008 18:29

I'd call social services.

Anglepoise · 28/07/2008 18:30

I kind of agree with escape - this is the kind of thing my gran would do (and has done for decades!) and she still has pretty much all her marbles.

Is calling someone going to make your relationship with her worse?

escape · 28/07/2008 18:36

Do you really think somebody will come out and assess her on the basis of this incident though?
The other things (as annoying as they must be) is really just curmudgeonly old person behaviour.
definately have a chat with a son though, given the chance

Original poster
mousemole · 28/07/2008 18:38

i agree with what most of you say that this is the 'worst' thing she has done, mostly in the past she has just been a grumpy old bat. Her sons visit fairly infrequently and so I worry there isn't anyone looking out for her. Adult Protection sounds a good route. I think I will keep a close eye on her for any more strange behaviour.

OP posts:
escape · 28/07/2008 18:41

thats your best bet mm.
she's lucky to have a neighbour as caring as you.

TinkerBellesMum · 28/07/2008 18:43

If it's out of character for her then that is reason to worry. If she had done this for years and was just her then it wouldn't be. It's not for us to decide what is a real concern when we're worried about something. If someone comes out and says it's nothing to worry about then that's different, it's not on your conscience. Whether that be an old person acting out of character or a parent beating a child in the street.

solo · 28/07/2008 18:45

Poor old lady. We really don't value or care for our aging population as we should...

Original poster
mousemole · 28/07/2008 18:54

It is out of character. To date her peculiarness has been confined to her verbal assaults !!! But she has appeared to function normally in all other aspects - driving her car, shopping, gardening ( every morning and night). it just reminds me ( sadly) of my old nan who lost the plot almost overnight and then degenerated from totally independant to totally derranged in about 12 weeks. I will keep a close eye. As much as she has been a pain in the ~~~~ to me over the last 3 years I do feel a sense of responsibility !

OP posts:
solo · 28/07/2008 23:32

That's nice mousemole perhaps it's your old nan that is guiding you to help your neighbour...

herbietea · 28/07/2008 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

windygalestoday · 28/07/2008 23:43

that reminds me of several years ago we lived next to a vv old lady one day her daughter said to dh my mums not answring the door can you shout over the back to tell her im here? dh obliged and although he could see her through the tall bushes she didnt answer he climbed up and caught her sunbathing stark naked full frontal listening to a walkman

Original poster
mousemole · 29/07/2008 10:03

oh windygales that is TOO funny ! It did cross my mind that maybe she had been doing a spot of sunbathing !

OP posts:
Ripeberry · 29/07/2008 10:08

Maybe she's in the first stages of Dementia as my grandmother on my mother's side had it and she started to act strange like that.
Would start doing weird things, thought that all the neighbours were out to "get her", could not sleep for days on end and she would totally strip off and wander around the house.
If you know the sons, you could tell them of your concerns and she should really see a GP, but i'm sure they would have noticed changes themselves.
It is a very nasty disease and my Mum is going through it now as well

Upwind · 29/07/2008 10:13

Last time I visited my Gran I was approached by a neighbour who reported that he had seen her putting out her wheelie bin in her nightie. I was glad he let me know, but decided it was not really anything to worry about, she just wanted to get them out on time. I did try and explain to her that if she needs stuff like that done she should ask her family to do it.

beanieb · 29/07/2008 10:14

call social services and tell them your concerns. My mum worked with the elderly and they really are just there to help so you won't be getting anyone in trouble.

Upwind · 29/07/2008 10:15

Should add that I was grateful to the neighbour because it made me watchful for signs of dementia (truly believe there are none). I do think my Gran is getting too frail to cope with living alone but she is utterly terrified of being in a home and is far too stubborn and curmudgeonly to live with any of her children.

VinegarTits · 29/07/2008 10:21

I think YABU, she may not have realised that the coat was so short, or might have forgot to put her draws on, doesnt mean she cant live alone, there are lots of strange folk in the world, we get stranger as we get older, what do you suggest they do with her? shove her in an old peoples home for showing a bit of muff

She's not harming you so i suggest you leave her alone.

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