To expect that when my DP tells me he is going to work for a couple of hours on a Saturday, that he goes to work for A COUPLE OF HOURS

[lucyellensmum]

So, first it was a couple of hours "What do you want to do when daddy comes home"? He said. Then i phoned him for something, "oh i should be finished about two, why don't you take DD for a walk or something for a change?" Um, because i walk around aimlessly with DD every bloody other day of the week and i hate doing this on a weekend and seeing all the other families as i feel like a lemon. So it wont be a change, in fact, DD is sick of the sight of the beach and you can't move on the beach for DFLs on a Saturday. So anyway, i think, OK, i'll just play with DD at home and we can go somewhere when he gets home. No problem.

Two o clock came and went, DD BORED out of her mind, mummy BORED out of her mind, DD is screeching and squeeking fucking stupid squeaky thing that DP bought her. My head feels like it is going to explode. Phoned DP, couldnt make myself heard, but just got the whole "must get on" brush off. Texted DP and said, when will you be home, i need to decide what to do about dinner - the plan was we were going to eat together on our afternoon OUT! So he just texted me saying, feed her, i'll be an hour - which means in the world according to DP, i'll be lucky to see him before 5!!!

I don't mind making my own entertainment, i know he has to work, but why tell me he will only be a couple of hours and then be all fucking day - had i known he was going to be all day i would have been in the mindset of finding stuff for DD and I to do together, instead of the whole, when daddy comes in we can do xyz mindset and not be able to get motivated to do anything. Now i feel pissed off, bored and demotivated. I have to go shopping later for DDs b/day cake but DP has the car and the local shops don't have what i need. So, thats my saturday accounted for then.........

I wouldn't mind, but he is basically doing what i call his charity work, this is because he has charged so low for these jobs he is finishing off that he is actually out of pocket - so its not like i can even sit here and think, great, at least we will have some money...........money??? whats that then?

LEM you have got to stop making this man the focus of your whole life and expecting him to think of nothing but you every second of the day. It's sad but true that the more anyone clings and whines and pesters for attention, the more reluctant the other person becomes to spend any time around the cling-on.

i suppose you are right madamez, but i dont think it is clingy to want to spend some time as a family at the weekend. ITs not so much that, i don;t mind him working weekends, so long as i know that he will be out the whole day - then i can make my own plans, but today, he has almost made me into a cling on by saying, "i'll be a couple of hours, then we can go out". So of course i didnt take myself off to do stuff with DD because i thought he would be home

He probably meant to only go to work for a couple of hours but then things took longer than he thought. Thad has happened with DH sometimes, Could you have not just arranged to do something with your DD while he was out and then got him to text you when he was finished,

Message withdrawn

Well, the answer is that tomorrow morning at 10am, go to the supermarket for a couple of hours.

Turn up at home at 4.

LEM - I've seen a number of your threads over the last few months and just wanted to sympathise. I am in a very similar situation and its hard. DH used to be self employed (builder like yours) and work always had to come first.

Its so hard - you cant complain that they are never here because they are working. Its not like they are down the pub/out with friends/playing golf - they are actually doing a job. Saying this I dont think they realise just how hard it is for us. I also work full time and study but DH's job always always seems to come first because whereas I get paid a yearly salary and have no set hours (lecturing so very flexible but obviously i still need to do work to keep my job but it doesnt matter if thats at 2 am half the time) that my work comes second. He only gets paid if he goes to work. Therefore he takes no holidays, works every saturday, often out and about doing work related stuff on a sunday, works bank holidays etc etc. He took one day off when ds was born before going back - in his words my labour timing was great. Went into early labour saturday morning - he went to work (!) and he came home just as my waters broke and we had to go to hospital. DS born early hours sunday morning meaning he didnt need to take days off.

Ok so its not the worse thing in the world - as i said hes not out drinking. But hes still not here. We have a ds who is 2 and i am 34 weeks pregnant and I have hellish pregnancies. I am the main wage earner, the main domestic person and the main child carer all because he needs to work. I agree he does need to work but i hate it. I cant reason with him because "he has to work" "i need to earn the money" - but i so wish he has a 9 - 5 mon - fri job. I too hate weekends and especially bank holidays where everyone seems to be doing things as a family. DS is always asking where daddy is and has just started answering his own question "daddy in work. Daddy home later". I hated those early weeks when dh was back at work coping with ds on my own - nothing to do with the baby care but just not having dh there. Going to register the birth on my own with all the couples there...having to explain to the mw and the hv where he was etc.

So yes i understand where you are coming from - and am too at the end of the 2 hours/4 hours/6 hours/8 hours. You are not being needy you are asking for some time as a family. It must be sole destroying to be missing out on this for so little money.

Anyway just wanted to sympathise - i know how hard it is. And say you are not alone.
xxx

waiting to bloom, thanks for your post - it is hard isn;'t it and like you say, its not like they are at the pub or golf course. He didnt get home til four, and i was pissed off, tried to cover it but couldnt really, nearly ended in a big row but managed to control myself - had a shite evening, DP tried to over compensate by taking us out for pizza but DD had a complete meltdown over the wrong type of apple juice, then deciced she wanted my pasta instead of hers1!! disaster But he tried, and thats whats important isnt it. He also went to tesco and bought a cake for DDs party tomorrow, i wanted to make one, but too knackered. Cross with myself really as could have theoretically made it today but DD would have wanted to eat it.

Decided to do my own thing now when he is working, regardless of what time he says he is coming in - then he can come find ME

We have the whole day together tomorrow though, just him and his cling-ons

LEM -let DP make his plans.you make yours,

accept as self employed man he may be delayed

there is a recession on, maybe he needs to schmooze, blahBlah to secure post

inconvenient-yes
necessary - yes

he is working hard, dont be reading too much in to it

ROTFL at the thought of DP shmoozing If you met him, you'd know why! I DO know he has to work, I was actually cross with myself yesterday as i let the WHOLE day go by waiting around for DP. This put me in a bad mood really for the rest of the evening. I mean, what is WRONG with me? I'm 37 years old and perfectly able to occupy DD and enjoy the day - but no, i sat there wallowing in self pity again. Yes, mildly annoying that DP SAID he definately didnt want to work past 2 and that we could go out - but he had to, it wasn't like he thought, fuck it, i'll just do some more. So, a wasted day yesterday - going to make the most of today

i likey the thought of schmoozing too.actually being whimsical glad you saw funny side