To not open the starigate for dd??

[IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern]

Really petty AIBU this one.

She is almost 5 and the stairgate is to keep ds (2) out the kitchen.
She is driving me mad with it she can open it to get out the room but refuses to even try opening it to get into the room. I wouldn't mind if she would even try and do it and is having trouble because it is doing it in reverse of her room exit (if that makes sense) but she refuses and if I am even on the loo will shout and whinge until I come and open it for her if she needs it open.

Just don't open it and ignore her crying and whinging what does she want in the kitchen anyway?

Let her whinge. If she can do it, make her do it.

Don't do it, she'll have to do it herself then.
The more you do it for her, the more she'll expect and whinge for you to do it

Why won't she open it herself to get into the room? What reason does she give?
If she can't do it then I'd open it for her.

do you have to push a button on one side or squeeze it in a certain way or does it open the same way

personally there's no way on earth I'd run around after a 5 year old .. I'd sit with her and teach her to open it, watch her open it and after that ignore it totally .. that way she saves face

So is it confusing her because it's reversed? But she's okay with it one way (going out) but not the other (going in)?
Can she do it both ways with her room gate?
Could you reverse the gate on the kitchen?
Otherwise, like twiglett says, show her how to do it.

She doesn't need into the kitchen to keep out of the kitchen it has to go in the hall so she needs to cross it everytime she goes up the stairs.

You have to push a bit to the side and she can cope perfectly well going to the toilet but has never even attempted to do it the other way, I have shown her that it is exactly the same as going out but she says she cannot do it and point blank refuses to even try.
She can do the gates upstaris but they have a different action to open.

I feel the same Twiglett I feel there is no way I should be running about after her when I know she can fully manage it but just refuses.
I stil felt horrible earlier she was hanging over it while ds and I were pottering around whinging and she stayed there for as long as it took me to do what I was doing and go to the kitchen.

She is sooo stubborn if somebody else told her how towork it bet you it would suddenly be the easiest thing on earth for her.

Oh and it is exactly the same action in and out just backwards she goes out flicks the switch with her right hand pulls the gate with her left so when she comes back it would be left hand flick switch right hand pull the gate.

She's 5. I'd do it for her until she's okay doing it herself. Each time I did it, I would show her again calmly. I might delay rushing to help her to give her a chance to attempt it herself rather than waiting but I wouldn't punish her in any way for not doing it.
Just because it looks easy to you and you can't see the logic in her not being able to do it, doesn't necessarilly mean she's just being awkward and doesn't have a problem with it.

Get someone else to tell her how to work it - or even better, get a Much Adored Granny to ask her to open it for them - bet she works it out then.

You can counter all further whinging with "I know you can do it. Granny told me."

Agree with juuule.

My dd, almost 5, can do lots of things that she sometimes refuses to do for herself at home with dh or me, like take herself to the toilet or get food for herself. Yes, she is being awkward and a baby. I don't go out of my way to accommodate her requests, but when I have the time, I help her. She is very persistent.

She is slowly growing out of this. She has a toddler brother and I think her learned helplessness is her way of getting her share of attention. It is a PITA though.