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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL let my newborn gum her breast AAAARRRRGHHH

101 replies

knockedup · 24/07/2008 15:30

Gave birth 2 weeks ago. Outlaws have been here for a week "helping me"....yeah right (last night I put DD1 to bed, had to stop reading her stories to go check the dinner I was making...ran back up stairs, finally got DD down, ran back down served up dinner to M&FIL who were sat in front of corrie, DH out with work!! MIL hasn't stopped holding baby since being here...I'm starving, just about to eat my dinner and MIL is like 'think she's hungry look she's been trying to get milk from me' hee hee hee and when I looked there was a big damp patch on MIL's top where her nipple is

So I take baby upstairs to feed her absolutely spitting under my breath about MIL's step too far.

Then coming back downstairs to my cold dinner MIL snatches baby out of my arms before I'm even off the stairs and then that's her snuggled up on the sofa with baby until I had to ask to have her back to try and put her to bed

I feel like I'm living in LITTLE BRITAIN right now!!!

I've had to ask her a few times to put baby down as I don't want her held morning to night all day. She snaps back that 'you can't spoil babies with love' - No? well it wasn't as easy as it has been to settle her last night in her moses basket. She's probably thinking 'where's my constant cuddling?'

DH came in about 12pm stinking of beer. I'd gone to bed, he sat up with the outlaws for a bit then when he finally came up and got into bed I kicked him in the shins and hissed at him that his mother is a freaking psycho and she is NEVER staying here for over a week ever again. AIBU?

OP posts:

slim22 · 25/07/2008 02:38

After DS I vowed to keep everybody out of the house for the 2nd baby.
I'm halfway around the world and they managed to make it anyway this time again!

Just give instructions on what you want/when and look tired/depressed so they start mothering you a bit. Just play the part shamelessly.

Look miserable for a couple of days and stay in bed with your baby before you actually reach breakdown.

I ended up with fever and engorgement mastitis twice in 3 weeks with DD because I was planning/organising/implementing everybody's schedule rather that looking after me and my DC.

StarlightMcKenzie · 25/07/2008 02:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NorkyButNice · 25/07/2008 03:12

Tell your hubby to get his act in gear and start helping out! There's no way he should be staggering in from the pub at midnight when your newborn is a week old.

As for MIL - I don't think she can be blamed for the baby nuzzling her top - when DS was little he spent a good few minutes trying to latch on my Dad's elbow one night. And a friend's little baby would still turn to my norks open mouthed when he was a couple of months old!

Ask her to help out with chores though rather than spending all day holding the baby.

Original poster

knockedup · 25/07/2008 09:22

Hi - sorry started thread then couldn't add anymore as still involved in bloody in-law duties.

Honestly - yesterday I was just run off my feet - made them lunch, took bubs off for a feed and she just started crying and crying for no reason (think it was the heat) threw up all over my bed - I stripped her off, she wouldn't feed, I thought it was the nappy so removed it, realised I should have put a towel under her first and she instantly sprayed yellow poo all over my bed too (all on DH's side though, so there you go!)

She's fine now though thankfully.

So was then cleaning upstairs, asked MIL if she'd hang up the washing for me, she just offered to hold baby instead!!!!!!!! Fucking cow!

Thanks for all your replies though - LOL at thought of MIL actually trying to feed bubs - I can see how misleading the title is now! maybe I have been unreasonable about her but I'm tired and wishing I was a much more assertive respect commanding individual. (They go on tuesday by the way and they don't live that far away...3 hours by train...it's not exactly scaling everest and they're not elderly).

OP posts:

CarGirl · 25/07/2008 09:25

contrary to many posts on here, my youngest would sleep sleep, sleep through needing a feed if she was being cuddled etc etc.

When she was 5 days old I did pick up put down with her, took one day (I only ever left her to whinge about being in the cot for 10 seconds or so at a time) before she was then happy to be put down awake on her own and go to sleep.

So whilst I agree you can't spoil newborn babies you can influence their sleeping preferences.

maidamess · 25/07/2008 09:27

Jeez! What alot you have on your plate. Can I suggest you start throwing your weight around a bit? Stay in bed. Send Dh down with a message for in laws that you are feeling tired and will need breakfast bringing up to you . And lunch, and a magazine wuld be lovely. Keep baby with you, and rest. You will become run down if you don't.

Your MIL seems to be confusing 'helping' with 'personal bonding with the baby and being waited on'

wasabipeanut · 25/07/2008 09:29

I think it's time for your inlaws to leave. You need time for just the 3 of you together and your dh needs to explain that to his parents!

mamadiva · 25/07/2008 09:30

I think the damp patch thing is a bit wierd wouldn't be happy myself. Think you need to tell your inlaws to bugger off and get DH to help more! Crawl into your bed with LO and stay there for a while you need it. It's a difficult time never mind when you have bloody idiots 'helping' you.

mamadiva · 25/07/2008 09:30

EssieW · 25/07/2008 09:36

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I would have been equally livid.

But stop making them lunch/dinner! They should be helping you out - not the other way round.

kiskidee · 25/07/2008 09:51

I wish I was close enough give you a lesson in stroppiness so that you can use it to kick all the bums out on their arses, ASAP.

In fact, I'd come round and do it for you if you like.

davidtennantsmistress · 25/07/2008 09:55

i really feel for you, your DH needs to say something here.

perhaps ask PIL to take DD1 out for the day a couple of times for the rest of their stay?

Original poster

knockedup · 25/07/2008 09:58

Thanks Kiskidee!! Yep this has been a little lesson for me actually - nice guys finish last that's for sure! Need to toughen up.

OP posts:

docket · 25/07/2008 09:59

They aren't helping at all. I feel for you, I would be seething in your shoes.

LilRedWG · 25/07/2008 09:59

I think you need to smack your MIL - offering to hold the baby whilst you hung out the washing!

Right, this weekend you need to take to your bed with your baby and DD1 and tell everyone else to bugger off. Call them when you want a cuppa or food, otherwise, tell them you need some time with your little ones. Is DH home this weekend? If so, put him on guard duty outside the door.

Failing that. Put baby in pram, take DD1 by the hand and walk out of the front door. Do not tell them where you are going, just go for a nice walk. Get a coffee and enjoy your DC. Phone your DH and tell him that you won't be home in time to cook dinner, but that he and ILs can do it.

I really feel for you. You need to get your DH to look after you here and sort his mother out.

Original poster

knockedup · 25/07/2008 10:01

Yes have done that David's mistress and they have taken her out today to the park - so there's something! Will ask them to do it tomorrow, sunday and monday as well I think.

OP posts:

LilRedWG · 25/07/2008 10:01

And if you don't feel up to doing wither of those things, then just go on strike. Do not make any more food or drink for anyone - they'll get the hint. If they ask what's for lunch, just say, "There's some xyz in the fridge if you fancy it. Oh, and while you're in there could you get me ...."

Upwind · 25/07/2008 10:05

This is ridiculous. It is a gorgeous day, take the advice about heading out for coffee.

And stand up to the old baggage - when she offered to hold the baby while you hung out the washing you could have pointed out that she was supposedly helping you! And actually their visit was creating a lot more work for you which is the last thing you need!

Also, give your DH a kick up the arse for not standing up for you.

Original poster

knockedup · 25/07/2008 10:06

Really good advice everyone - I've told DH his mother has gone too far - the washing was the last straw actually and I think he's realised that too...just wish he was here more to witness it but he's really busy at work blah blah....

I'm going to stay in bed tomorrow with bubs and let them deal with DD1 and DH is going to make lunch and we'll be getting a takeaway tomorrow.

Why she can't farking go shopping, cook us things I don't know? I haven't even had a fucking tea made for me......seriously!

No more babies, no more long inlaw holidays!

OP posts:

LilRedWG · 25/07/2008 10:07

Good for you!

Right - do the outlaws have a house key? If so, put the baby in the pram now and leave them a note saying that you'll be back later, and then tootle off for a while. They can look after DD1 for a while longer.

honeybehappy · 25/07/2008 10:07

who's idea was i for them to come and stay?

LIZS · 25/07/2008 10:10

Stop catering to their whims !! Make sure you are occupied feeding when they are likely to want a coffee/lunch etc. Give mil a list and send them to nearest shop with dd1. Tell them the kitchen is self service. No cleaning , no cooking for you !!

MamaG · 25/07/2008 10:10

They need to leave now, don't wait until Tuesday! You shouldn't be rushing around making meals and hanging washing with a newborn, let them do it

It does remind me of when PFB dd was born, I was asleep, exhausted, on 2nd night and DH stayed up all night with DD in the living room. At one point,to try to avoid waking me he tried to latch her on to his nipple to sooth her - R-O-F-L

Upwind · 25/07/2008 10:13

Sounds like your DH has finally got the message. He needs to explain that it is too much work for you, looking after them at this time, and they need to go. If they protest that they are there "to help" he could point out that they have not so much as made a cup of tea

YumeeMumee · 25/07/2008 10:14

OMG!! I would be livid too...WTF..I don't think you're being unreasonable about it at all....yes, babies will seek milk out and try to suckle most things BUT allowing them to suckle on some things can be deemed as acceptable (ie a knuckle maybe) but your MIL's nipple covered or not [to me] is totally unacceptable and she should not have allowed it. Any attempts by baby to latch onto something surely calls for baby to be given back to it's Mum??

You are a saint to have PILs over so soon....I def would [and did] wait for a month - you need time with your new family.

Also I agree that your DH should be more involved and he should be spending time with his family and sorting them out not you...go on strike! The only person whose beck and call you should be at, is your DS

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