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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Strange neighbour!

107 replies

emmared1980 · 23/07/2008 20:17

Hi, just wondering what you all think, I've 4 children ages 6,5,2 and 9months we live in a semi detached house with lovely neighbours on one side. But... on the other side of us (detached) we've got a lady in her 70's who is ok but slightly odd. She says hello but that's about it. The problem is she has been taking photos and videoing my children when they've been playing in the garden whilst sort of hideing behind the hedge!!! It happened a couple of weeks ago while the 2 older children were playing, in the end I made them come inside as I wasn't really sure what to do! The 3 older children have been out playing again today and tonight while they were having a bath my 5year old daughter said that she had been taking photos of her again. I had told them after the first time that if they see her again they have to come and tell me, she didn't and I think that's because she thought she'd have to come in again as that is what happened last time. I thought it was very odd, my husband and mother thought maybe she was lonely but something makes me feel very uncomfortable about it. I'm just wondering what would you do if you were me??? As they are on school holidays they will be out in the garden alot and I don't want her creeping about taking pics/videoing them. Thanks for any replies.

OP posts:

Original poster

emmared1980 · 26/07/2008 14:45

UPDATE!!! The kids have been playing in the garden today and she's just been out. I went to her and said that the children have told me that she's been out taking photos of them a couple of times and that I'd rather she didn't do it again as they were in their own garden playing, she then said ''oh that's when they are most natural'' I then said again ''well I'd rather you didn't'' smiled, told the kids to go and play and came in. Hopefully that will be the end of it.

OP posts:

hughjarssss · 26/07/2008 14:51

Oh bless her.
If it was me I would have asked why she was taking photo's and what she was doing with them before I asked her to stop.

People fail to realise that eldery people grew up in a different generation and what they see as normal acceptable behaviour isn't these days.

I agree with Fluffy she could have alzheimers or dementia.

Even if she hasn't what she probably needs is someone to be nice to her, I do worry about sort of blardy world we live in sometimes.

Original poster

emmared1980 · 26/07/2008 15:06

hughjarssss- Maybe she should have asked me first if I minded her taking photos??? We have always been ''nice'' to her as we are to all of our neighbours (most of which are old). I do realise that she grew up in a different generation and things may have been different, but I still think that it would have been polite to check with me first. Surely old people watch the news and realise that times have changed and people are more aware especially when it involves children.

OP posts:

hughjarssss · 26/07/2008 15:28

I agree with you, she should have asked you first and if it was someone younger I would have said they were out of order for doing it.

However, she is elderly and like you said things were different then. My mum is 78 and she no idea of the world we live in now regarding children.

It seems to me she didn't even realise she was doing anything wrong and so it wouldn't have occured her to ask your permission first.

ThatBigGermanPrison · 26/07/2008 15:34

Poor old sod.

Original poster

emmared1980 · 26/07/2008 15:41

I wasn't rude to her I just told her I'd rather she didn't take photos of my children when they are in the garden playing. Which I think was a reasonable request.

OP posts:

ThatBigGermanPrison · 26/07/2008 15:43

Yes it is, it's still sad for her though.

hughjarssss · 26/07/2008 15:52

I feel sorry for her, she probably doesn't even realise why you've asked her to stop

bergentulip · 26/07/2008 16:08

I would have invited her over for a tea, then she's stop being a stranger to your children, you'd learn a bit more about her, and then perhaps you'd no longer feel uncomfortable about it all. ?

memoo · 26/07/2008 16:33

emmared, It is a shame if she has dementia or something but I would still be very put out and would have done exactly the same thing.

My next door neighbour who is about 50 has always been a bit of a loner but he often chats to the kids over the fence, which I didn't mind too much.

But then at christmas he sent a christmas card that was addressed only to the children which I thought was a bit strange.

I don't know if its because he is a man and that makes it feel worse but he does make me feel a bit uneasy, and I'm ashamed to say that I discourage the child from talking to him

bergentulip · 26/07/2008 17:02

You had a problem with a christmas card? But he only ever spoke to them, not to you, so he addressed it to them. Children appreciate that sort of thing, and perhaps he just thought it would make them feel more grown up having their own post?

I think that was a lovely gesture. Shows a lot of understanding of children, if you ask me (which you didn't, I know!!)

ThatBigGermanPrison · 26/07/2008 17:08

Ahhh, vocal chords, well knows carriers of Peedomania

memoo · 26/07/2008 17:34

I probably should have explained a bit better, he did use to chat to me too, but then when he was chatting to the kids over the fence he would kind of stop when i went out. I know he could have just been shy.

He would also say stuff to me like, you should let *** (ds) come round and see the train track I have, he'd love it, not me and DS, but just DS.

Its not that I minded him being friendly with the kids, I like to get on with my neighbours, its just that he only really seemed interested in getting to know them, not me.

hughjarssss · 26/07/2008 18:15

Like I already said, I do worry about the blardy world we live in

Original poster

emmared1980 · 26/07/2008 19:11

Perhaps I better explain a bit more, like I said most of our neighbours are elderly but we are all freindly helping each other out, except from next door who keeps herself to herself. I maybe wouldn't of had such a problem with the picture taking if she hadn't of been crouched behind the hedge and then hid the camera behind her back and then lied to me and said she had only taken 1 when I confronted her. I was very polite but firm but if I catch her again dementia or no dementia my politeness will go out of the window. If it is all inocent and she feels she is doing no wrong then why is she so sneaky about it? I wonder if anyone was at home and found their elderly male neighbour taking photos of their children would they still consider it normal behaviour. At the end of the day my children are my priority.

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Mercy · 26/07/2008 19:20

Em, I really think you are reading too much into the situation.

If (big if) you see her taking photos again, invite her round and ask her why she likes taking photos of your children. If I were that concerned I would have been sittng in the garden anyway rather than relying on my children to come and report back after the deed.

In fact I would invite her round for a cup of tea anyway. You've got nothing to lose, and maybe something to gain!

hughjarssss · 26/07/2008 19:40

I do see your point that if it had been a male neighbour then maybe you would have had a different response on here.

But I do think the fact she is elderly explains her strange behaviour.

Original poster

emmared1980 · 26/07/2008 20:14

Not all old people have dementia!!!!!!!

OP posts:

yama · 26/07/2008 20:25

Emma - my Nana is 92 and would know that it is not appropriate (in today's society) to take photos of other people's children.

I think you handled the situation well.

Original poster

emmared1980 · 26/07/2008 20:27

Thank you yama.

OP posts:

ranting · 26/07/2008 20:27

No, they don't but, you don't definitely know that she hasn't got dementia do you? You've just jumped to the 'weirdo' conclusion straight away. She may have the beginnings of dementia, she may well not but you are unlikely to know either way just because you're her neighbour.

MrsWeasley · 26/07/2008 20:31

I think you did the right thing here too.

I would feel very uncomfortable if it happened to me.

Very odd behaviour and you were right to say something now.

NickiSue · 26/07/2008 20:33

This is an odd [ost in that the first page is "Call the police", "Go round and have it out" and the 2nd" Poor thing" "she may be lonely and have dementia" and "Peraps you could invite her round?".

Emmared, you clearly erent comfortbale with what was happening and although you didnt want to rock the boat and upset a neighbour you listened to your gut and went round, and politely asked her to stop. Its exactly what I'd have done and I hope the situation is settled now and will soon be forgotten x

honeybehappy · 26/07/2008 20:40

TBH i think i would of phoned the police to see if a community support officer would go round to see her.

honeybehappy · 26/07/2008 20:42

What are you going to do if you see her doing it again?

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