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AIBU?

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Original poster

Very late friends

53 replies

Earlybird · 19/07/2008 10:49

I arranged to meet two friends that I have not seen for about a year for supper (we've moved, and are back for a visit). The two friends between them agreed 6.30 as the time to meet - which surprised me a bit, as they both work in office jobs. But, I didn't question it.

I arrived at the restaurant at 6.30, as arranged. They arrived as follows:

Friend 1 at 7.15 citing bad traffic
Friend 2 at 8.10 citing work issues that kept her late at the office

How would you have reacted, and what would you have said/done?

OP posts:
pgwithnumber3 · 19/07/2008 10:51

Well as they gave quite legitimate excuses there probably isn't a lot you can say but I would be pissed off. Did they text/ring you to let you know they would be late? Surely the friend who was working late could have let you know before you set off? YANBU to be pissed off.

TheFallenMadonna · 19/07/2008 10:52

I'd have been mightily pissed off TBH. Especially at the work one.

Don't know what I would have done.

Did they let you know that they were going to be late?

And loving your name in connection with this topic!

Heated · 19/07/2008 10:54

The first one I would have understood, the 2nd one would have serioulsy irritated me unless she were a surgeon!

What did you do?

paolosgirl · 19/07/2008 10:54

If they had texted/phoned me to let me know they were going to be late,and been apologetic, I'd be more OK with it, but still would have felt a bit miffed - no traffic is THAT bad! If I hadn't seen a good friend for over a year I would make sure that I was there on time.

So in answer to your question, I would probably have been a bit hurt, although not so much so if they've kept me informed and apologised, and would have probably (I hope!) have gritted my teeth and been delighted to see them.

edam · 19/07/2008 10:55

I would have been very cross indeed. Did they warn you they were running late?

I am a naturally late person (although I try hard not to be, honest) but 7.15 and 8.10 really are taking the piss.

MadamePlatypus · 19/07/2008 10:56

To be completely, completely honest, if I had something to read I would have been happy to have had some peace and quiet for a while. I would probably have texted them at some point to find out where they were.

MummyDoIt · 19/07/2008 10:56

Very, very rude of friend 2 not to let you know she was running late. I'm assuming you have a mobile and she knows the number but, even if you don't, she could have called the restaurant and got a message to you. Bit dubious that traffic could have made friend 1 that late and would suspect she set off late to start with. Again, she should have called. I'm not sure I'd have waited more than half an hour.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 19/07/2008 10:58

I'd have been annoyed especially if they didn't let you know. I'm a bit of a stickler for punctuality.

Original poster
Earlybird · 19/07/2008 11:04

Friend 2 called at 7 to say she was still at the office, and to ask if friend 1 had arrived yet as she was 'running 20 minutes late'. As it happens, it was 45 minutes late, but who's clockwatching.....

It seems likely the friend delayed in traffic would have been late even with clear roads - I'm guessing she didn't leave work promptly, and then had bad luck with traffic on top. The friend caught at the office is often late, but this was spectacular even for her.

I hate sitting by myself in a restaurant for that long. Also was irritated as I had rushed to arrive on time.

OP posts:
spicemonster · 19/07/2008 11:09

I would have left. I only ever wait half an hour for anyone unless they have a remarkably good excuse. And calling to say you're going to be late means calling at the time we have arranged to meet or a bit before, not 1/2 an hour after.

I hate lateness, I think it's unbearably rude and is basically saying that their time is more important than yours.

Tigerschick · 19/07/2008 11:14

I would have been really cross ... but would alomst definitely have grinned and taken it ... but I'm not into confrontation of any kind.
I hate waiting but I also hate being late so am invariably early and always end up waiting ... but being nearly an hour and three-quarters late is extreamly rude - especially as she didn't phone to say she'd be late until 30 mins after she was supposed to be there!

I hope you were able to enjoy your evening, when it finally got going.

Original poster
Earlybird · 19/07/2008 11:22

I considered leaving - because you're absolutely right that it shows a complete disregard for the other person's time, and imo communicates that the other person isn't very important. In my book, it is not OK to be that late. There is virtually no excuse that makes it acceptable.

I also hate it when I am excited and looking forward to seeing people, and the evening (or at least the start of it) is 'ruined' by people being inconsiderate. Instead of genuine joy at seeing old friends, I was swallowing hard not to appear furious.

The conversation was all a bit odd too, because friend 1 and I caught up on our lives a bit, and then friend 2 wanted us to repeat it all when she finally arrived....

OP posts:
Original poster
Earlybird · 19/07/2008 11:32

So, we're all agreed that it was unacceptable behaviour.

Would any of you have said anything, and if so, what?

Of course both friends arrived with 'so sorry I'm late, but it was due to__', which of course left me in the spot of making a joke, or saying 'it's OK'....which of course, it wasn't.

Is there a way I could have let them know it is not OK, and that it shouldn't happen again without ruining the evening?

OP posts:
Tigerschick · 19/07/2008 11:46

IMHO (remembering that I shy away from confrontation) the only thing I'd do is to suggest, at any future mention of the evening, that, next time, you agree a later meeting time. So, if you are chatting to one of the friends about the evening, you could say something like "Oh, yes, wasn't it fun. We must do it again ... maybe next time we should meet at 8.00 instead tho, ha ha ha." keeping it light hearted but, hopefully, getting your message across ...

Collision · 19/07/2008 11:54

I would have left too tbh. No way would I have waited so long on my own in a restaurant.

They could have let you know earlier so you could have mooched round the shops on your own for a bit (or whatever) rather than leaving you in a restaurant.

I hate lateness - total disrespect for others and when people are prone to it.... aargh!

SqueakyPop · 19/07/2008 12:25

I'm sure I would have been increasingly grumpy as I was sitting alone, but that would have all vanished when the friends finally arrived.

Heated · 19/07/2008 12:28

Have friends who are notoriously late (to the point they made dh late for our wedding!)and dh says, "Well the meal's at 7pm, so for you let's say 6."

Spidermama · 19/07/2008 12:29

I have a thing about lateness. I hate it. When you arrange a time together you should stick to it otherwise you're ROBBING the time off the person who is sticking to it. All they can do is wait for you. It's the absolutely height of rudeness and sends out the message, 'I'm more important than you. My time is more precious than yours and you should therefore be prepared to WAIT for me'.

I have actually fallen out with two old friends over this. They were late on my birthday then rude about it when I brought it up with them. I have totally ditched one of them as a friend. I'm still friends with the other but I will never lose the hurt I felt that night.

There was more to it than lateness though, but it was the lateness which began the fall out.

spudmasher · 19/07/2008 12:30

Hi Earlybird!Sorry to hear you had to put up with this. I hate lateness. In this case I probably would text saying 'had a great time but when we do it again I would really appreciate it if time keeping was better as it made me feel uncomfortable to be waiting so long. Thanks!'

Spidermama · 19/07/2008 12:31

I would either have left or been so annoyed that I would have been unable to recover.

Spidermama · 19/07/2008 12:33

If they or you arrange another meeting, could you say there and then, 'I would love to meet again but can you make sure you stick to the time this time as I had a really awful time waiting'?

babyignoramus · 19/07/2008 12:35

I can't bear lateness either - it's so disrespectful. I have a couple of friends who are always late - I've been left sitting on my own for nearly an hour before now (that particular ocassion was a Saturday night in Brighton in a popular pub - you can imagine how hard it was to hold on to a table and how much of a prat I felt). Although I gave them an earful when they arrived! They also only just made it to my wedding because they just didn't leave on time - no other excuse! I just tell them half an hour earlier than I want to meet. Or make sure other people are going who will be on time.

Rachmumoftwo · 19/07/2008 12:40

I feel really bad now, I'm often late as I struggle to get my girls ready. The eldest really plays me up at the moment and it is so hard getting her out of the house. I try really hard to leave early, but it usually goes wrong. I hope my friends don't think I'm awful, I do try.

posieflump · 19/07/2008 12:41

do you text to say you will be late Rach?

SqueakyPop · 19/07/2008 12:44

I'm sure your friends still love you, Rach.

I am a prompt person, programmed to arrive a few minutes before the allotted time. I've grown used to waiting, and know that some friends are pathalogically late. I figure that it's my fault if I get upset with them because I know what they are like.