Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Very late friends

53 replies

Earlybird · 19/07/2008 10:49

I arranged to meet two friends that I have not seen for about a year for supper (we've moved, and are back for a visit). The two friends between them agreed 6.30 as the time to meet - which surprised me a bit, as they both work in office jobs. But, I didn't question it.

I arrived at the restaurant at 6.30, as arranged. They arrived as follows:

Friend 1 at 7.15 citing bad traffic
Friend 2 at 8.10 citing work issues that kept her late at the office

How would you have reacted, and what would you have said/done?

OP posts:

taipo · 19/07/2008 12:53

I think they were very rude, but I probably wouldn't have said anything because I'd have still wanted to enjoy the evening catching up with old friends. Would probably put me off trying to arrange another meet-up though.

NorkyButNice · 19/07/2008 13:02

One of my friends is always late to everything - no matter how much time you've given her to get there. So now we always tell her we're meeting at least half an hour before we actually are. She's still late most occasions, but less than she would be otherwise.

I really don't understand how some people manage to always be late.

taipo · 19/07/2008 13:18

I bet that the majority of those people who are always late when meeting friends had a really important job interview they'd make damm sure they were on time.

Rachmumoftwo · 19/07/2008 17:14

I am only late when I have the children. I wouldn't take them to a job interview, so that would be fine. And I always let people know if possible, unless I'm driving, then I get DD to hold my phone in case they ring.
I also tend to make arrangements with an 'ish' at the end of the meeting time.

Original poster

Earlybird · 19/07/2008 17:19

Rach - if you don't mind me asking, typically how late are you? Do your friends understand/tolerate, or do they sometimes get upset? What would you do/how would you feel if a friend got upset?

I am not the world's most organised person, and can understand that things do interfere and keeping to a schedule is difficult - but when it is all the time, or as extreme as my two friends - well, there's no excuse really.

OP posts:

Rachmumoftwo · 19/07/2008 17:28

To be honest, I have a lot on my plate at the moment, and am struggling to be organised. My friends understand this, and I apologise far too much apparently. I was not always late before, and I'm sure I'll be more organised when things settle down. But if the shoe was on the other foot, well, friends accept each other for what they are, and it wouldn't bother me if I was kept waiting for a genuine reason.

I think there is a difference between this and constantly being thoughtless though.

Tigerschick · 19/07/2008 17:32

I could certainly forgive a friend being late somewhere if it was to do with their DC - let's face it, they are rather unpredictable aren't they

misdee · 19/07/2008 17:34

dont like lateness at all. its one thing that really pees me off and i get very anxious when people are late.

PazzaPlusTwo · 19/07/2008 17:53

OP - YANBU

I always used to be late, but since I started running my own business I got into the habit of getting to meetings on time because I had to. My trick is to aim to be there at least 30mins early (with a book). That means I'm usually there 5-10 mins before the appointment, which is about right.

Lateness is curable - I'm the proof!

No excuse for not calling early if you know you're going to be late - that's just double-rude.

However, if your friends are pathologically late, you don't really have a choice but to put up with it or not see them. Or see them in circumstances where you won't be embarrassed if you're kept waiting - eg in Starbucks, and bring a book. Good luck!

Oblomov · 19/07/2008 18:10

I hate lateness with a passsion.
I bet lots of Mn'ers are 'obscenely laters'.
Where are they all, at the mioment ?
Oh yes, they'll be here in a minute... or hour.

Spidermama · 19/07/2008 20:45

I'm never late even if I'm going somewhere with all four kids. My kids have just had their report cards home. They were late for school once all year and that was under DH's watch.

I had a friend who used to be late routinely and she'd arrive with a feeble smile and say, 'You know. Baby O'clock'.
It riled all the more because I'd gone to the trouble of arriving on time which meant more planning because I also had a small baby.

I'm really glad to see there are so many people agree with me about lateness. This thread has cheered me up immensely as I had wondered if I'm to unchilled about lateness.

DANCESwithLordPottingtonSmythe · 19/07/2008 20:48

Lateness infuriates me. It just implies that your time is not as important as theirs, you have time to waste sitting around waiting for them. Very on your behalf.

DANCESwithLordPottingtonSmythe · 19/07/2008 20:49

baby o'clock? I would really want to punch them.

lulumama · 19/07/2008 20:49

totally agree spidermama... i also consider arriving on time as being late if something starts at 10.00 and you arrive at 10.00 , by the time you have your coat off, said hi, etc etc.. you are late !!

if people are habitually late it does show a total disregard for the person they are late for, especially if it is more than a few minutes late

and not letting the person know you are going ot be late is bad

i get to everywhere early

lulumama · 19/07/2008 20:50

that was supposed to be a

Rachmumoftwo · 20/07/2008 00:09

Baby o'clock doesn't sound as fun as Pimms o'clock, although a better excuse maybe.

1dilemma · 20/07/2008 00:21

I was brought up to believe it's polite to arrive 10-15 minutes late, hence in the olden days when I actually had friends round for dinner they are always arriving to find me getting changed or putting stuff on the table.
I did consider it a bit rude to turn up early on those occasions, this is for friends who you want to impress as opposed to those you can just drag into the kitchen and give thema teatowel and presuming it's not raining!

Original poster

Earlybird · 20/07/2008 06:04

Interesting perspectives. My impression is that my two friends were so late, that it goes far beyond normal delays. I think they never intended to be on time - which is the infuriating part of the situation.

OP posts:

paolosgirl · 20/07/2008 09:00

Just caught up with this thread - good to know I'm not alone in hating lateness. Earlybird - do you think that the friendships had perhaps moved on, and as such they were reluctant in some way to meet (although they were still incredibly rude to keep you waiting), or have you been in regular contact in the year or so since you'd last seen them?

Spidermama · 20/07/2008 11:04

It's adifferent matter when you're going to someone's house. I agree that it's polite to be a little late (ten minutes) in that case. But when you're meeting in a public place it's not acceptable.

TotalChaos · 20/07/2008 11:09

YANBU. I think anything over half an hour is extremely late. And over an hour is taking the piss.

babyignoramus · 20/07/2008 11:15

Rach, I think it's different when you have a lot on your plate, have children to get ready etc. When I say I hate lateness I'm referring to the people who need to be somewhere at 10.00, have other people relying on them and at 9.45 they're just starting to think about maybe getting into the shower.... ,

spicemonster · 20/07/2008 13:14

I used to have a very demanding job and quite often it got to the point where I realised I was going to be late and so I'd call and let my friend(s) know. Then I finally realised that they were the ones getting all the grief (by having to wait around for me), not me, when it was actually my problem. So I would look at my workload honestly about lunchtime and if I thought there was any chance I would be delayed for my evening out by more than 10 minutes, I'd cancel altogether. And actually doing that meant that I realised how much my work cut into my life outside it so I quit that job.

I also wonder if your friends, because there were more than two of you meeting, were both thinking 'oh well, if I'm a bit late, it doesn't matter as X will be there'. Not that it excuses their lateness but I think that's quite common among the perpetually tardy.

I'm glad other people hate lateness too - I've always felt it was really uptight of me

rookiemater · 20/07/2008 16:00

YANBU. I hate lateness with a vengence. I think your first friend wasn't too bad, because ok traffic happens and it wasn't silly late, but to phone up 20 mins after you are meant to be somewhere and still be at work is IMO very rude. As it was an early evening meal if I was that busy I would have either made it there on time, then gone back to work or had an early night and gone into work early the next day.

Original poster

Earlybird · 21/07/2008 11:45

I understand the point that perhaps these friends felt the friendship had moved on in a year, and weren't 'committed' to the night out. But, both of them had rearranged other plans in an effort to coordinate schedules - which indicates a strong desire to meet up.

As I said before, I was dubious about the early meeting time when it was suggested, but figured they each knew what was realistic, so didn't question. In future (and as a way of making a point/dealing retrospectively with the issue of extreme lateness), I shall pay attention to instinct, and firmly/jokingly insist that they are realistic about meeting time/place 'so I don't end up sitting on my own for ages like last time'. Though as I type that comment - does it sound passive aggressive?

I hate conflict too, but want to make the point that it wasn't OK, and shouldn't happen again.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3