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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that is kind of discrimination and to be quite p****d off about it all?

94 replies

3andnomore · 18/07/2008 11:13

Well, I suppose first you all would have to know what it is all about...anyhow, here goes...

my ds3 is going to start school in September and he will possibly be one of the youngest, as he only turns 4 in a few weeks time (hence me being possibly a bit worrired about it more then I was, say with my ds2)...!
Because the nursery that is directly attached to the school is, imo, not a particular good one and also because ds3 is a very sensitive child and he was used to his Nursery, which he visited once he had turned 2 I kept him at the Nursery which he was used too. It was a more suitable environment in my opinion. Well, he always went in the mornings and no one at school asked ask us or anything (but they did ask in the Nursery itself, which told them). However, after the Holidays he is for the first 2 weeks, when they are having their part time period in reception placed into the afternoon session, because they already have to many Kids in the morning session. Because, the children that visited the schools own nursery are basically prioritized to stay in the session time which they already did whilst in nursery(this means the afternoon group only consist of something like 7 children and about 18 are int he morning session).
And I believe that is discriminating against all the Kids that, for whatever reason, did not go to that schools nursery. These parents actually were asked if maybe they would consider to change into afternoons for that period, I was never consulted about this. And, yes, I do take issue with that.
Now, I went yesterday and spoke to the Headmistress( is that what you call a female headmaster?) about this and came out more fuming then I went in, tbh...but I hope I hid it well enough, but it gave me a sleepness night, as I was mulling over our conversation, which was NOT to succesful.
Basically I told her, that in the light of my childs young age I think it would be a bit confusing if he suddenly goes afternoons, especially as we obviously take ms in the mornings to school....she said: oh he won't even notice as he is to little, and also, that I was just going to have to tell him why he can't go in the mornings....(o.k. I thought....not a particular satisfactory answer....). She thinks it's not confusing and also really NOT that important at all.
SO, I said, but if it isn't so important, why is such great care taken to keep the children that attendet your own nursery in the same session time? She didn't really answer this question, it was more a because it's how it is...(not very satisfactory neither, imo)....So, I said, that I believe that that is discriminating against children that have not visited the schools own nursery....she denied it was discrimination and just said that, those children of course are prioritized because they are already part of the school by being in that Nursery and that all schools do that. (It's still discrimination all teh same, imo!). She then went on that, as my child is sensitive anyway, he would be better off at the smaller afternoon group as it would settle him more easily, and the teacher will have more time (and said child was at that moment hanging on me, because he was bored and wanted attention and also he picks up on my emotions and I felt very angry at that moment and she then said, I can see he needs a lot of attention....that pissed me off that little bit more) to which I said, indeed in that respect it will be nicer....however, the larger group, that already has bonded in nursery anyway , will have already have their own classgrouping and the smaller group will then have to join this larger cluster aswell as starting fulltime at the same time, so, might make that first full day more difficult....?
She went on to reassure me, how it wasn't important, and how it was only 2 weeks to which I said, possibly again, but if it isn't that important why is it so important to keep the schoolnurseries children in their timings, etc? I mean, surely it either matters or it doesn't....and if it matters then it should be respected for all children or if it doesn't matter, why not just make 2 equal sized groups anyway....and anyway, why can't they just do that and let each group experience mornings for 1 week and afternoons the other and vice versa?
I have no idea if this all made sense...but well, it really pisses me off....on many levels, probably more so, because the head of primary has a real problem with that private nursery on their grounds (she believes they are taking money from the school, by keeping children away from their nursery after they turned 3).
Not sure what I can do about it, as obviously she is turning everything around anyway, whichever way it suits her argument....should I get in touch wiht the governers, and would it make a difference at all? Is it discriminating or is it just the way it is, i.e. this happens at all schools with attached nurseries?
Well, any thoughts on this?

OP posts:
kerryk · 18/07/2008 21:15

stella basically the op chose to continue to send her ds to private nursery after he turned 3 rather than using the nursery attatched to the school.

said child is now starting reception at the school but has been offered afternoons as his setteling in period (2 weeks) rather than mornings which he is used to at his private nursery.

the children who went to the school nursery have been given the morning slots.

op is not happy about this and feels that it is discrimination towards her son to not give him the preffered morning space.

thats how i read it anyway and dont bother picking me up on grammer, it has been a long week

sabire · 18/07/2008 21:20

If you'd had that conversation with the headteacher of my ds's primary, you would never have been allowed to forget it.

I suggest that you promptly put yourself forward for cake making/school trip supporting/fund raising activities as soon as possible by way of making amends and repairing your reputation with the head!

nooka · 18/07/2008 22:37

I think it's probably mitigated because OP has two other children at the school who are happy and doing well. So not the first encounter as it were. The address thing would make me irritated too.

sundayschild · 19/07/2008 10:37

You really don't understand the meaning of the term discrimination do you. I waded through the OP because of your use of that term - not getting what you want does not mean that you are being discriminated against!

cory · 19/07/2008 10:39

Well, it sounds like there are a lot of uncertainties for you just now, 3, but I am sure these things will feel different once you have got into them. There will be so many other things to think about: he will be having all sorts of new experiences at school and your university course will have started (and will hopefully be exciting and stimulating and all the things you are hoping for).

IME a lot of these worries never come to anything.

As for explaining to ds, just tell him that there are two groups and that he is in the afternoon group. All the things you feel about the headmistress etc are none of his concern. You can add that it is usual to split the children into groups for the first few weeks of infants. Sell it to him as something positive and keep the negatives to yourself.

My dc's were both fine with starting in the afternoon group (though it did mean ds had to make the morning trip first). Concentrate on the excitement of him being a big boy and starting school!

ihatebikerides · 19/07/2008 12:07

When my son started afternoon nursery, he was still sleeping for 2 hours each day. I frequently had to carry him in, sparko, over my shoulder. Never crossed my mind to ask for a morning slot....

3andnomore · 19/07/2008 14:05

tyv, basically they have a private Nursery on the school premises that take 2-5 year olds, and that is the one that my ds is in, and then they have their school nursery, which children can visit after their 3rd Birthday and that is also on teh school premises and is directly under the school....and I do know for a fact that this Head believes that the private nursery is taking their business of them, because after the 3rd Birthday of a child they do take those "childcare" vouchers the same as the school one...and that is why she believes they are taking their business....that is of course silly, because if they improved their own nursery standards, etc...then their wouldn't be an issue anyway, because I would have been forinstance very happy to send my child there...but, I tried it with ms, who was happy enough (he is a happy go lucky kind of child anyway....and I really took dislike to the teachers and the only one I really liked and who seemed to care about my child was a teacher that left...which is a big shame...had she been there still, I would have possibly considered it, despite the other staff....)

lol, Ihate...very true....

must say, I have ranted it all out and am now able to see it from different perspectives, and indeed, I blew it completely out of proportion. And, I am sure all will be well, I shall not spend more time worrying about it now, as it is counterproductive anyway, especially as there is nothing that I can do.
I must say though, that these sort of things do bring home that sometimes I wish we had settled in germany rather than over here....or maybe at least gone up to scotland, as the children start school a bit later, as far as I know...I think they might have to be 5 before the april of the year to be able to start school that september...or somehting like that...

Again, thanks everyone for their honest opinions, twas just what I needed this time, to get me thinking clearer again....

OP posts:
bb99 · 19/07/2008 14:21

Why are you worried that dcs routine will be upset? Children can be very adaptable and keeping to the existing children's routine is IMO more about administration of the school than whether making new routines is disruptive to the children.

It is annoying to have to go up to the school and back and then up and back IYSWIM, but hardly discrimination and dcs routine will be changed anyway because he's going to school.

All will be well

cory - OMG! heart goes out to you, hope you got satisfaction from the school or got to move your dd. Can't believe (but do believe you) that people could be so wicked!

3andnomore · 19/07/2008 15:00

bb99...I have to go 4 times up and down anyway, that was never the issue, it's what I have been doing for the past year....was just, well, that he might not understand why he can't go to school in the morning, just as he always has and also, why he won't be allowed to wear his Uniform in the morning...because, well, it would be filthy if I let him do that, lol...!
But well...he will have to deal with it....however, he isn't a child that easily adapts in general....hence me worrying about it.

OP posts:
Ellbell · 19/07/2008 18:35

Your ds doesn't have to start school now, 3and. He only has to be in school from the term in which he's five. So you could just choose not to send him. (OK, I know it's still earlier than he'd be going in Germany, but would be closer to the Scottish system, if I've understood it correctly.)

Oh, and don't worry about sending him in dirty uniform. The number of days I've been found picking crusty weetabix off dd's cardigan in the playground because either I hadn't noticed it was there till too late or I didn't have another one clean... [bad mother emoticon ].

Good luck, anyway.

Cory so and to read about your dd's experience.

dilemma456 · 19/07/2008 20:15

Message withdrawn

cory · 19/07/2008 21:29

Dilemma, you are a little late to this discussion. The OP has already simmered down

cory · 19/07/2008 21:38

"cory - OMG! heart goes out to you, hope you got satisfaction from the school or got to move your dd. Can't believe (but do believe you) that people could be so wicked!"

We were threatening to sue and would have done so if the situation had not been resolved through the timely retirement of the headteacher - ironically enough, on health grounds.

New acting head and deputy head- dd has had a wonderful year! All it needed was the removal of the one man who saw disability as undesirable behaviour.

Have since managed to win dd a place at a wheelchair accessible secondary partly by hinting to the appeal panel that we would have a good discrimination case against the LEA. So yes, I am well versed in the subject of discrimination .

(though to be fair to the appeal panel, I think they cared anyway)

Anyway, sorry for hi-jacking. Glad you seem to be feeling a lot more relaxed, 3.

DeeRiguer · 19/07/2008 21:55

cory
got quite choked up reading your earlier post..
relief to read that it is not so anymore

Hannah81 · 19/07/2008 22:02

i think i got the gist of this...
forgive me if i'm wrong...
but children that age make friends anyway. my DS1 has been at nursery since Jan and will be going back to nursery in Sept for a year. (he was 3 in Dec) All his friends have opted for morning placements next term, but we are sticking to afternoons because at the moment it suits me better with a 10wk old baby...
I don't feel the slightest bit guilty! I don't see it as a problem at all.... he will just make new friends.
I can't see the problem here!
sorry
xx

dilemma456 · 19/07/2008 22:14

Message withdrawn

bb99 · 20/07/2008 16:38

3, hope all works out in September!

He'll probably be so excited he might not notice the change in times - could it be sold to him as a special treat, starting school in the afternoon?

It is worrying when they're so young and start school! They seem so little, but as you already know, they really (usually) enjoy it!

3andnomore · 21/07/2008 11:13

Ellbell...in theory that sounds great, doesn't it....however, in practice I do know just how much they actually do learn reading wise, writing wise, etc. in that reception year and, sadly if you decide to send your child at school later, they would not be able to start with reception, but would be thrown into year one straightaway....and that, to me, seems the worsed option...possibly because I know I would not be able to teach him things like reading and writing at home.

dilemma, tis o.k.....and sorry to hear you didn't have a good day.

Hannah, of course they make friends easy enough....like I said, my ds knows a lot of the children anyway, from the park and because a lot of them also visit his nursery, aswell as the schoolnursery.

OP posts:
Ellbell · 21/07/2008 13:44

I know, 3and. I wouldn't be tempted to do it myself precisely for that reason (though my dds have birthdays in May and March respectively, so they weren't quite as young starting as your ds will be, and also in this LA they only go part-time till the term in which they are 5 anyway so it feels like less of a big jump). It was just a thought!

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