to think that is kind of discrimination and to be quite p****d off about it all?

[3andnomore]

Well, I suppose first you all would have to know what it is all about...anyhow, here goes...

my ds3 is going to start school in September and he will possibly be one of the youngest, as he only turns 4 in a few weeks time (hence me being possibly a bit worrired about it more then I was, say with my ds2)...!
Because the nursery that is directly attached to the school is, imo, not a particular good one and also because ds3 is a very sensitive child and he was used to his Nursery, which he visited once he had turned 2 I kept him at the Nursery which he was used too. It was a more suitable environment in my opinion. Well, he always went in the mornings and no one at school asked ask us or anything (but they did ask in the Nursery itself, which told them). However, after the Holidays he is for the first 2 weeks, when they are having their part time period in reception placed into the afternoon session, because they already have to many Kids in the morning session. Because, the children that visited the schools own nursery are basically prioritized to stay in the session time which they already did whilst in nursery(this means the afternoon group only consist of something like 7 children and about 18 are int he morning session).
And I believe that is discriminating against all the Kids that, for whatever reason, did not go to that schools nursery. These parents actually were asked if maybe they would consider to change into afternoons for that period, I was never consulted about this. And, yes, I do take issue with that.
Now, I went yesterday and spoke to the Headmistress( is that what you call a female headmaster?) about this and came out more fuming then I went in, tbh...but I hope I hid it well enough, but it gave me a sleepness night, as I was mulling over our conversation, which was NOT to succesful.
Basically I told her, that in the light of my childs young age I think it would be a bit confusing if he suddenly goes afternoons, especially as we obviously take ms in the mornings to school....she said: oh he won't even notice as he is to little, and also, that I was just going to have to tell him why he can't go in the mornings....(o.k. I thought....not a particular satisfactory answer....). She thinks it's not confusing and also really NOT that important at all.
SO, I said, but if it isn't so important, why is such great care taken to keep the children that attendet your own nursery in the same session time? She didn't really answer this question, it was more a because it's how it is...(not very satisfactory neither, imo)....So, I said, that I believe that that is discriminating against children that have not visited the schools own nursery....she denied it was discrimination and just said that, those children of course are prioritized because they are already part of the school by being in that Nursery and that all schools do that. (It's still discrimination all teh same, imo!). She then went on that, as my child is sensitive anyway, he would be better off at the smaller afternoon group as it would settle him more easily, and the teacher will have more time (and said child was at that moment hanging on me, because he was bored and wanted attention and also he picks up on my emotions and I felt very angry at that moment and she then said, I can see he needs a lot of attention....that pissed me off that little bit more) to which I said, indeed in that respect it will be nicer....however, the larger group, that already has bonded in nursery anyway , will have already have their own classgrouping and the smaller group will then have to join this larger cluster aswell as starting fulltime at the same time, so, might make that first full day more difficult....?
She went on to reassure me, how it wasn't important, and how it was only 2 weeks to which I said, possibly again, but if it isn't that important why is it so important to keep the schoolnurseries children in their timings, etc? I mean, surely it either matters or it doesn't....and if it matters then it should be respected for all children or if it doesn't matter, why not just make 2 equal sized groups anyway....and anyway, why can't they just do that and let each group experience mornings for 1 week and afternoons the other and vice versa?
I have no idea if this all made sense...but well, it really pisses me off....on many levels, probably more so, because the head of primary has a real problem with that private nursery on their grounds (she believes they are taking money from the school, by keeping children away from their nursery after they turned 3).
Not sure what I can do about it, as obviously she is turning everything around anyway, whichever way it suits her argument....should I get in touch wiht the governers, and would it make a difference at all? Is it discriminating or is it just the way it is, i.e. this happens at all schools with attached nurseries?
Well, any thoughts on this?

YABU As someone said they cannot move another child to make room for yours...that really wouldnt be reasonable.

I know I have got myself in a tizzy sometimes thinking the children would be worried about changes to their routines but tbh children are very resilient and your DC will not even give it a second thought unless you turn it into a major issue.

My ds started school 2 weeks after his 4th birthday (so younger than your ds)
He had been doing afternoon nursery, but was going to do mornings only at school. Not just for a few weeks, but for 2 terms.

I was worried about him not coping. Do you know what, he never batted an eyelid!!

I honestly think you are worrying over nothing. He has 6 weeks holiday coming up, he won't even remember the old routine come Sept!

It will be fine, honestly.

bloody hell. so people think op iw wrong. but there is no need to slag of how she types. some people need to learn manners.

When we all started school we didn't have any of this fannying around 2 week induction malarkey, we went straight into school full time. I'm sure your DS will cope.

2shoes...?

Only a couple of people even mentioned the typing as far as I can see - and all they said was that it makes it easier to read if you break your post into paragraphs.

I'd hardly call that "slagging off her typing" - more like helpful advice if the OP wants her posts read in future.

When I was in the 6th form I worked on the school reception sometimes. If ever a parent rung I would transfer their call to the headteacher and she was happy to speak to them. There was however one woman who had to be told, "I'm sorry but Ms X is AT (not in, as then she could be interuppted, but AT as in not in the building)a meeting right now" - then hang up immediately.

Can you see where I'm going with this...

It's not the end of the world but if your son ever has real issues at school do you want the receptionists to be playing 'stupidist excuse' and tell you the head can't see you because they are busy peeling their banana right now. Innuendo intended.

theyoungvisiter it was those post I was commenting on. it is my pet hate.

I didn't mention it 2shoes but I agree with those who have.

Don't you find it hard to read a long block of text that isn't broken up at all? I certainly do. And if nobody ever mentions it "because it is rude" (to tell the truth) how do people know that they need to change the way they post if they want others to read it?

(i so donot want to hijack so will start another thread)

I think this is the first ever AIBU thread where everybody agrees!! Surely the OP deserves some kind of prize?

lol, only got down this first page on my AIBU, and obviously I seem to be overreacting...but had to giggle at milkmoustaches post about me getting such united response to OP....I should get a prize!

Am, rather pissed off at people starting on my paragraphing and what not....what has that got to do with anything?

I am so sorry I didn't think to get it right in my op, just didn't occur to me to think...stupid me....oh, but then I was upset over nothing, that took my attention from that detail.

Also, why am I mean, why poor head....? Believe me she is a great manipulator of any situation and can fend for herself...never met anyone that can make you immediately feel like a naughty 5 year old.

Anyway, right now have not the time to look at the rest of the replys, but if they are as united as the ones on page one, well, then I got the message anyway, I suppose!

Of course your paragraphing isn't relevant to whether you're being BU or not, but I'm afraid it did make your post very difficult to read. And it did feel a bit as if you'd stopped me outside the school gates and started shouting at me. I wanted to call out: help, I'm not the head!

But otherwise I agree: people shouldn't concentrate on that. Everybody deserves to be heard for what they are actually saying.

One thing people like me don't like, though, is having the word discrimination banded about for what seems like frivolous purposes. It detracts from the real cases and makes people think that those who use it who use it always exaggerate and don't deserve to be taken seriously.

Actually, in my exitement reading al those replies, I never even noticed I went through them all...

Oh, by the way, i had not asked to see the headmaster, I had asked at reception a few days ago if it was possible to change, and because I was early to pick my other son up, I thought I asked if they had come to a decision and when they said it wasn't possible, I said, that I wasn't to happy about it....and then she got the head to talk to me, and obviously ys was with me on the schoolpick up....so, I didn't drag him into it and btw, I was very controlled when talking to her, I was not rude or anything...but sorry, yes I got upset about it at the time, probably a lot to do with the way she spoke to me...in a very belittling way.

But anyway, obviously I am unreasonable...doesn't stop me being pissed off about it, though....

also, surely though, yes, he may benefit from being in that smaller group....however, then that small group will join the large group after 2 weeks, and I think it would be better to mix them more evenly.

Oh, someone mentioned if I felt like this because it would inconvinience me....it doesn't really matter to me from an organisational point...I mean, it's 4 trips either way, just as it is right now, as ys is obviously in nursery part time....

However, what did pee me off, was that no one even asked?(Whilst other parents were politely asked in person, if they may consider changing to afternoons). For all they know I could be working in the mornings, and that could have been the reason that he was mornings and with their nursery being overprescribed for mornings, that may have been the reason for me to keep my son where he is....!

OH, and I am not that worried about my son not knowing anyone, because well, he knows plenty of the Kids anyhow, through park and mums and tots and stuff....so, has had plenty of opportunity to mix with his future classmates...also, his nursery is right next door to the other nursery and they play together in the play area and stuff...so, that is not an issue, tbh....

I think my biggest fear is, that with him going afternoons instead of mornings, that he might not understand why he can't go to school in the morning as he always has, especially as his older brother will go in in the morning, he is used to be picked up earlier then him, but not used to be brought in earlier...

I suppose what annoyed me also was, that on one side she was telling me how unimportant it is, whilst obviosuly on the other hand they indeed must think it is a very important thing, otherwise they would not do it for the Kids from their nursery, surely?

But hohum, nothing I can do about it anyway...and I am sure he will be fine...but yes, I am worried, he is still little, but keeping him home for another year is NOT an option, as I will be starting University in September...and it is possible that my own guilty feelings about me not being as involved in ys first year at big school, does make me feel even more stressed....but of cause, I have only myself to blame....sigh....!

and I am sorry if I upset people by thinking it was discrimination....but that word was the closest I have in my vocabulary to what I felt it is...if that makes sense....

and I am sure I did say I didn't have the time right now...and here I am....

and btw, I do thank everyone for their honesty....I mean, it made me swallow hard at first, but it helps to get things put into perspective and sometimes a kick in the butt might just be what is needed

The thing about school is that people don't constantly ask your permission for stuff, ask if it's ok that your child does this or that.
Your son will be FINE. And frankly if he's not fine immediately, it won't be because for two poxy weeks he goes to school in the afternoon and not the morning.
It IS unimportant. They have to arrange things somehow, and this works for them. As I said, schools don't exist for the convenience of the parents. Sometimes, frankly, it seems as if they exist purely for the our inconvenience, but their priority is the children and their education, not you and your work. And yes, I think your guilt - misplaced though it is, as going to university is clearly a good thing for your family and a great example for your kids - is making you over-emotional.

"I suppose what annoyed me also was, that on one side she was telling me how unimportant it is, whilst obviosuly on the other hand they indeed must think it is a very important thing, otherwise they would not do it for the Kids from their nursery, surely?"

I disagree. You are making the assumption that they consider the morning session to be ideal and have allocated it to the nursery kids as a perk - I don't think there's any evidence of that.

From an outsider perspective it seems like they decided to do all the kids from the nursery together for ease of processing and randomly decided to do the morning session for nursery kids and afternoon session for non-nursery kids.

Then they realised that the morning session was over-full. Solution? To ask if some of the kids from the morning session would swap to the afternoon session. It would have been unfair to select some of the kids from that group at random and single them out for exclusion, but if their parents were willing for them to swap then obviously it would even things up.

There would be no point in asking parents from the afternoon session to swap to the morning because the morning session was already full.

I think you are looking at this from a slightly paranoid perspective tbh! I am sure the headmistress doesn't really give a toss whether a child has attended "her" nursery or not. It's just a convenient way of dividing up the work and making sure kids who are not familiar with routines and may perhaps have not attended any nursery, get a more one-to-one session.

tyv, I am not paranoid about the head having a bee in her bonnet when children don't go to their nursery...she does not like that...it's all about money for her, I suppose...

they kept all teh morning schoolnuresry children in the morning session and all their afternoon children in the afternoon session, btw...so, they do it for the continiouncy (is that the word?) for the children....but the nursery was overprescribed for morning children anyway, and most of those were Kids that now start school, if that makes sense...

honestly, I have to make 4 trips to and from school either way...in that respect it really does NOT matter...

PS I don't blame you for being cross! It is annoying to feel you've been slotted in at someone else's convenience.

But I think most people were just trying to say that perhaps there are better battles to fight with the school - you might need your ammo for a later, more serious issue...

oh, another thing...about teh shouting thing...I thought it was considered shouting when you type in capslog...
I mean, I know I ranted...but then, isn't this AIBU thread about ranting anyway....

are you sure about the money thing? I may be wrong but I really don't think the school gets to pocket the cash from the nurseries on their premises - they may get rent from the council but I don't think that would be affected by the number of kids attending. Certainly the nursery my DS attends (on a school premises) is a separate business run by the local authority...?

Most LEA nurseries are loss-making and heavily subsidised anyway. Hardly a money-maker for the school

I do agree with cory about discrimination.

tyv...well, yes, but sometimes you just get annoyed at something ....it's been building up anyway, iykwim....lots of stupid little things....like them not knowing our addi, apparently (but they knew that ys is ms brother...and ms is in reception right now...so...someone had a bit of a mindfart then....)...and even if ys had no sibling at the school, surely they were forwarded all teh addis of the children by the people that allocate the schoolplaces? And, I did actually receive a letter from the school, after getting the official letter, to see if we would take the place, and I handed it in to the school in person...so, can't have gone lost.

Another thing, which is slightly unfortunate is, that ys will have 3 different teachers in reception year....because, a teacher will come back from maternity leave and until she returns, they have to part time teachers to cover...but, as all 3 seem lovely and ys already knows that teacher that will take over once back from maternity leave, I think he will be fine about it....but, then, yes I do worry about it...but then, I suppose he is used to a fair few teachers through nursery...

tbh, this is the first time I have gotten really upset about school ever since we moved here....es really improved so much once we moved here and he started that school, he was given so much help and his teacher was just so fantastic and enthusiastic and without her, he couldn't have achieved what he did....and ms, well, he is coming on in leaps and bouces in the school and academically he is thriving,so, it's not that I am one of those constantly nagging parents, honest...

Don't worry 3 - everyone gets their knickers in a twist from time to time. That's the point of mumsnet! I'm sure everything will be fine for you in the end.

Better to rant on here than outside the school gates - where it can get back to staff. Then your picture would end up on the staffroom noticeboard, with darts thrown at it.