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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sorry for parents of little people when they

27 replies

2shoes · 14/07/2008 21:50

have to go to hospital for an op.
ds had his op today. was so easy with a 16yr old. no tears from either him or me.
but there were lots of little people all upset(understandbly) and their poor mums in tears after they had gone into theatre.(this was minor ops like gromets) I have been there in the past when ds was little.
how the hell do people cope whne it is serious?

OP posts:
Hecate · 14/07/2008 21:55

I have no idea. ds1 had to have an op when he was a toddler. Shave off bone overgrowth, put pins in his arm, put him in a full body cast....it was one of the most horrible experiences. God only knows how a parent copes if it is life or death. I hope I never find out, obviously.

elmoandella · 14/07/2008 21:55

it's a terrible thing when it happens, but you cope coz you have to.

you would be a sad person if you didn't feel sorry.

AbbeyA · 14/07/2008 21:56

It was one of the worst times of my life 2shoes. I resolved afterwards not to worry about little things again-as long as you have health nothing else matters. My DS had a week in hospital, luckily I was able to stay with him. He was very brave but right at the end he got very tearful about all the needles. Luckily he made a full recovery.

Wallace · 14/07/2008 21:58

Yup it is hell

dd had an open heart op when she was almost 18 months.

On the positive side she recovered so quickly because she didn't know she was supposed to be ill and sore!

Sidge · 14/07/2008 21:58

My DD2 had open heart surgery at 6 months old

It was hideous. We were more upset than she was as she didn't know what was going on. But I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy - you just want to have the op for them.

FAQ · 14/07/2008 22:04

not unreasonable at all.

My BF's DD4 has to have operation every 6 months (until she stops growing) as was born with fused ribs and a curved spine which - had they been left would have left her extremely stunted in growth, and as she grew her lungs would have been crushed.

She's nearly 4 - and had her first major operation last year to separate the ribs and insert a steel rod in her back - she has to go back every 6 months to either have it lengthened or a new one put it.

I met my BF just before her DD had her first op aand feel so sorry for her when the time for her operations come round.

waitingtobloom · 15/07/2008 09:45

My ds had to have a non life threatening op at 21 months and I felt exactly the same as you. How on earth do parents cope when its more serious? I will never forget taking him down to theatre and them trying to get the anaesthetic in his hand and then how he went all floppy and looked so so tiny on the table. It will always stay with me. I couldnt speak after leaving him in theatre - was just shell shocked.

As a positive though I agree with Abbey - ever since going through it I havent worried or been upset about anything to the same extent again. It kind of put things in perspective (even though it wasnt life threatening). I took a photo of him lying in his cot afterwards asleep and he looked so little - that photo always reminds me that things could be so much worse.

My heart really goes out to parents who have children in hospital more long term - it must be truly heart breaking

ScottishMummy · 15/07/2008 09:51

parents of sick children have remarkable coping skills and resilence.truly humbling.makes me reflect on what a bad day is really like. you dont know worry until your child has urgent medical need

the positives are paeds make remarkable recovery and are v resilient.healing times, and outcomes are generally better than adults

NineYearsOfNappies · 15/07/2008 10:04

by not thinking too much about the significant possibility that the child will not survive the anaesthetic. By taking each hour as it comes and not looking too far into the future. By having company. By developing a completely sick sense of humour which is misunderstood by anyone who does not/has not had to face the same thing. By having friends you can text at 3AM when post op complications kick in. And by prayer and faith.

bonnibaby · 15/07/2008 11:09

You cope because you dont have a choice.
Its horrendous,but you have to get on with it and be there for your child.

Tortington · 15/07/2008 11:12

my poor eldest ds.

i had been in hiospital on and off with dd when she was a baby - combined with a " i have bigger cuts on mi arse!" attitude as parents - when they fell

that one night he complained of stomach pains - after putting him back to bed twice i took him to hospital - turned out he needed his appendix took out - so i just left him there and went home to the twins.

MehgaLegs · 15/07/2008 11:15

YANBU - DS4's op was relatively minor but he was still under the GA for 3 hours. It was the hardest three hours of our life so far. I did alot of weeping. The only bed available for him was on the children's cancer ward. That put it into perspective and I was truly thankful that once he'd produced a wet nappy we could go home.

How is your DS after his op?

mishymoo · 15/07/2008 11:19

2shoes - how is your DS?

I felt exactly the same when my DS at 12 months had to have an op under GA! I refused to take him down to theatre so DH did it and he said it was the worst thing he has ever had to do - we both welled up when he was telling me how he went all limp in his arms! Thankfully it was a fairly routine op and we could go home as soon as he had eaten something and had a wet nappy!

I find parents of terminally ill children are incredibly brave and I don't know how I would cope! I hope I never have to find out!

Original poster
2shoes · 15/07/2008 11:22

he is ok thanks. although not bouncing back like he did when he was younger.

OP posts:
ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 15/07/2008 11:29

I hope your ds is well 2shoes.

If the op is a matter of life or death it is easier as you know there is no choice and just hope for a good outcome.

However, if your dc is under going a minor op I would think there is more to worry about because you have a choice to put them through an op, or not - iyswim.

morethanyoubargainfor · 15/07/2008 11:38

Speaking from expierence you just have to deal with it and get on as best you can. My ds is 5 and is due for his 11th op in October. You do have moments when it all gets to much and you have to find a corner to have a word with yourself, but you have to stay focused and positive for your little ones sake.

I completely agree with Iliketomoveit, if you know the outcome could be worse than having the actual surgery thats how you get through it. IYKWIM

MABS · 18/07/2008 19:35

it is awful, have done it several times with ds, gets worse each time. particularly 2 weeks ago when he wouldn't come out of GA as he should and bp dropped dramatically. I actually threw up

scottishmum007 · 18/07/2008 19:43

I've had to comfort mums when their little ones went in to theatre to get their teeth extracted. they were in bits.

boredveryverybored · 18/07/2008 19:47

DD had spinal surgery when she was 16months old. You do just 'get on with it' I think. It hits you more when you're out. It did for me anyway. DD has been in hospital quite a few times and looking back now, it was a lot easier when she was a baby than it is now!

2luvlyboys · 18/07/2008 19:48

My DS2 Had to have a stomach operation when he was 6 days old because his duodenum was fused. He was so poorly. He transferred from the mat unit where he was born to Leicester scbu when he was 2 days old. Before that he was literally fading before my eyes being continually sick until he was finally diagnosed it was a horrendous time. I had to leave my ds1 (2 years old) at home with at first my in laws then my parents while I went with dh to Leicester to be with my baby. Never felt so utterly torn in my life. I wanted both by babys with me but that wasn't possible. Finally came home with ds2 when he was just over 2 wks old. He is now 8 months and thriving and you would never know looking at him that he had such a shaky start. I am even breasfeeding him still!! We coped with alot of support and prayers from family and very good friends.

itati · 18/07/2008 19:57

I can answer that.

DD was 22 months old when she had an accident. We were taken by ambulance to hospital and then blue lighted to another one as the first one couldn't treat her.

DD was given a GA and hubby and I sat in the waiting room for hours with our 3 week old baby and didn't say a word to each other. I have never been so pleased to see her in all her short life when she finally came out of theatre. I never want to go through anything like that again.

I expect we will though as my kids are accident prone.

kerryk · 18/07/2008 20:13

my dd had to have 10 teeth removed when she was 4, she looked like a little doll when they put her to sleep and i was actually sick with worry in the hospital toilet.

experience was not helped by the anethsitist (sp??) who told me that because of her age she had a higher chance of dying during the operation

dh was in iraq at the time and my brother was with me for support, i thought he was going to thump the guy.

scottishmum007 · 18/07/2008 20:23

what a fecking eejit, kids go under fine, it's only teeth extraction, and it's a v quick op. it's done within minutes (talking from experience as I worked in this speciality).

scottishmum007 · 18/07/2008 20:24

sorry kerryk, was referring to anaesthetist not you when i said eejit.

kerryk · 18/07/2008 20:36

thats ok if you had seen the state i was in that day you would have thought she was having major surgery.