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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unpleasant co guests

17 replies

WinkyWinkola · 14/07/2008 21:39

Going for lunch at someone else's house. They've now also invited guests they know I can't stand. The woman of the couple now invited is a braying, bulling, opinionated mare.

AIBU to say I don't want to go? The lunch is in 3 weeks time. It will not be enjoyable for me or should I just grit my teeth?

OP posts:
Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 14/07/2008 21:39

That should read bullying.

OP posts:
Hecate · 14/07/2008 21:40

Why not say sorry, but you have realised you are not free, and invite them (just them but don't say that!) to your house for a meal to make up for it?

hascas · 14/07/2008 21:41

oh thats a tough one. I would want to back out but would probably end up going and gritting my teeth (for fear of offending my good friend).

YANBU. Why spend your time with people you feel uncomfortable with?

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 14/07/2008 21:43

Well, it's more complicated than that. We are in town for a party, dropping in for lunch. Horrid guests are also visiting the town and are now dropping in for lunch so it's not as easy to just pop over IYSWIM. I'm annoyed about it.

OP posts:
Love2bake · 14/07/2008 21:44

That is really insensitive to invite people they know you dont get on with. Also how is that going to be fun for anyone

I would make an excuse, it's not worth the worry.

S1ur · 15/07/2008 02:22

This situation has happened to me, or similar.

I would explain that you or dp needs to meet/do something other at lunchtime so can't come to lunch but feel bad so wnat to hook up later for drinks and food(?) in evening after meeting/whatever excuse.

So go to party, avoid annoying one, meet up with friend again.

OR

Go. Go and between now and then practise very important art of raising above and ignoring and suspending absorption of irritating farking opinions until later. I can offer lesons if needed

kitbit · 15/07/2008 06:43

Easy answer for me - fabricate an excuse and don't go. Life's too short. If they know you can't stand her but invited you anyway they won't be surprised and your tactful withdrawal will be a gentle reminder that you don't want to be invited with her again. unless they just forgot in which case you being tactful will appear at face value.

Meet up with good friend elsewhere but avoid the party, definitely.

FabioUnblogged · 15/07/2008 06:59

Depending on how good the friends are, I might be tempted to quietly say that the braying woman and I clash, and that maybe we could re-arrange.
Sometimes it's better to know these things, rather than thinking two of your pals get on famously, when instead they're silently fantasising about murdering each other with the butter knife.

Thankyouandgoodnight · 15/07/2008 08:40

I would be honest and tell them that you can't stand the woman and that although it would be lovely to see them (your friends), you won't actually be able to catch up with them properly if you're fighting your urge to murder nasty woman (or something equally dramatic to make a bit of a joke out it). Could you pop in for a cuppa mid morning instead?

DaphneDescends · 15/07/2008 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

taipo · 15/07/2008 08:52

Could you go, grit your teeth and bite your tongue through the meal and console yourself with the thought that you can then report back here all the awful things this woman said? Unless of course she's a Mnetter!

beanieb · 15/07/2008 08:54

GO GO GO! and challenge her opinions!

Thankyouandgoodnight · 15/07/2008 08:55

Yes that's the alternative - go and fight back and lunch will be really awkward for everyone apart from you and her and no-one will dare invite you to the same thing ever again!

Thankyouandgoodnight · 15/07/2008 08:56

That is actually what I would do and be willing her to say something out of order so that I could say my piece - I do love a good scrap!!

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 15/07/2008 10:42

Well, the woman is so loud, shouty, solipsistic that nobody could have an argument with her even if they wanted to.

She's the type who thinks by shouting and being loud and hearty , she's always right.

I really don't like arguing, I have to say. Not when we're visiting friends we rarely see and want to chat to.

Anyway, have taken advice from MN, spoke to friend, said we wouldn't be able to come after all. She twigged and said she'd think of something so that our visit and visit from vile people wouldn't clash.

Great stuff. Thank you!

OP posts:
Thankyouandgoodnight · 15/07/2008 10:49

Well done you - it sounds like you have resolved the problem in a completely adult and grown up way - unlike Miss Shouty Pants here would have done .

Dooooooo report back on what your friend comes up with!

crazybuslady · 15/07/2008 15:03

thats good your not going - lifes to short to spend it with idiots

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