What would you do?

[lucyellensmum]

Interesting one this: Recently, i received a letter from a gentleman trying to locate his old friend who used to live in my house. I used to know his neice who i got in contact with for the guy and passed on his details.

The thing is, we have exchanged a few chatty emails, he seems like a lovely man (must be in his sixties). Yesterday the friends neice dropped by to see me (we used to be friends too so nice to catch up actually) and it turned out Sadly this person's friend actually died five years ago I asked if they wanted me to pass on the news but they said no, they would like to contact the gentleman.

Today i got a really chirpy email from him thanking me for helping. So i feel quite sad really as they obviously haven't got in touch yet - their perogative i suppose.

Now i don't know what to do - i would hate for this person to continue to follow this in false hope and i just hope that they get in contact with him, as i agree that this news should come from them, along with details etc, which i don't know. But i hate to think of him raising his hopes and not finding out etc. I sort of wish i didn't get involved. Would have been nice for a happy ending.

Would you tell the news or keep shtum, as i suspect i should do?

I would get in touch with them again and say that he has contacted you again and would they like you to tell him because it is awkward to reply to his email without mentioning what you know.

But if it carries on, and they don't tell him, then I actually would say that I had heard the friend had sadly passed away. It was 5 years ago, so it's not like they are dealing with the things you need to do when someone dies. I am sure it is still painful for them, but not raw, iyswim.

Or maybe they did tell him and he wanted to thank you anyway??

oh, just saw that it's only one day between her telling you that they were going to contact him and him emailing you. That's very short. give it a week or so. If he gets in touch again, then rethink.

thanks hecate, no, he said in his email he was looking forward to contact - it was only yesterday that she came around and like you say, it wasn't raw to them, they were quite chipper. In fact i was because it was only when i sort of said, oh, i assume X is well then? That they said, oh no, he died 5years ago but his brother would like to contact his friend. The way they were talking led me to believe all was well, in fact in a friends reunited message from my friend, she sent a message saying, "yes, X is my uncle. So of course i sent an encouraging email to my chap saying that i had contacted his neice So i feel quite responsible now. I will give it a few days and send her a message to see if contact has been made, because i feel awkward sharing nostalgia with someone about the area, knowing that his friend has died