Maybe I'm just a woolly minded liberal...

[Gizmo]

OK, so I?m outrageously middle class. Grow my own herbs, drive a Volvo etc etc. Live in an area of wall to wall Semi-Detached Victoriana, mainly inhabited by People Like Us. Who are, generally, very nice and helpful neighbours.

Now, a few doors down from me is a pair of houses owned by the Council, one of which is occupied by some People Not Like Us: a family of nine (kids from 3 to about 16) who are ? horrors! ? working class. Guilty of a) owning a beat up old pickup, b) having a lot of toys and bikes in their (unkempt) front garden and c) having the occasional noisy domestic.

Last night, when I got home from work, my neighbour-from-over-the-road knocked on my door and marched in, breathless with gossip. Apparently People Not Like Us had had a big row in the afternoon: properly serious ? Mrs People Not Like Us had gone after Mr People Not Like Us with a baseball bat in the street and had taken it out on his pick up, smashing the windscreen and the headlamps. Kids watching and everything.

So Mr Neighbour-from-over-the-road has rung the Council Housing Officer to complain. He was heavily hinting that I should do so too. And the more I think about it, the more I think he is an officious little prick:

1. I have never had any problem with this family: their kids are friendly and polite, Mr and Mrs People Not Like Us are OK too.
2. They may have a volatile relationship but I?ve not seen either of them, or their kids, with any physical damage. Nor do any of them seem subdued or bullied (with the possible exception of the youngest, but that?s another story)
3. If we do complain, and the family gets moved, exactly how does that help them? Mr Neighbour from over the road kept going on about how bad it must have been for the kids ? I?m sure it wasn?t fun, but getting moved is not going to help anyone.

Frankly I think the real agenda was only revealed as Mr Neighbour-from-over-the-road was leaving, when as a parting shot, he told me that an estate agent had told him that the reason the house next door to him was not selling was because of the presence of the People Not Like Us, which had reduced the value of the house by at least 50k.

So, AIBU to think Mr Neighbour-from-over-the-road is an unpleasant busybody? And to go and knock on Mrs People Not Like Us?s door and ask her if she wants to come round for a cup of tea sometime? What do people think?

"I felt he was being a nimby and a snob"

And that's ok is it?

Even though you're vilifying your neighbour for presuming he's thinking that these people are chavy, working clas scum?

So you want her to ignore the family and leave everything as it is because nothing is her business?

My understanding is that she is not attempting a "fix" but to maybe start a process whereby the street gets a bit more integrated and not so much of a them and us thing.

I think it's sad to bring all this class stuff in as it masks the fact that people are scared to get involved with anyone who they might not necessarily gravitate towards because they are accused of condenscion or meddling.

OK, now I'm puzzled.

No Freddie, I don't like people who are snobs. Or Nimbys.

Which is why I am, to use your words 'vilifying my neighbour for thinking these people are chavvy, working class scum.

My point is, Gizmo. You are making an assumption about him, based mainly on his class as far as you can tell. Yet you're up in arms at the idea that somebody else could make assumptions about others on the basis of their class.

I'm calling you a hypocrite, basically.

Actually Freddie I making an assumption about him based on his behaviour.

Now you might argue that is related to his class but I would say that is rather a sweeping generalisation.

You don't think there's the slightest possibility that his feelings on these neighbours could be informed by their behaviour? I'm sorry, but none of it sounds like normal, every day neighbourly behaviour. You seem determined to pin his problem with them down to their class. He hasn't reported them for being working class, has he? He's reported a serious incident.

Katish, my point made several times, is the interpreatation of a problem. Gizmo or her nosey neighbour may see this womans actions as anything less than perfect but she may not. She may be perfectly happy.

So the attempt to befriend her purely because of this incident or because you think she may need a friend is wrong. It should be because you want to befriend her. Nothing else. That is not ignoring, you can still be friendly but it's not friends with agendas.

There is a seperate issue about child protection or suspected child protection issues. This should be dealt properly.

The class issue was only picked up because of the OP's use of the word working class to describe her agressive neighbour.

Anyway, this thread is useful. From it I learn:

1. don't toy with class descriptors. Unless you are a very good and witty writer (not me then)

2. It's OK to be neighbourly but trying to change the basis of your relationship with your neighbours because of some worries you have is going to look artificial and patronising

3. you can't please all the people all of the time. (Actually I knew that last one - I kinda had my flak jacket on for this thread).

It's been fun Gizmo but it has prevented me from working for most of the morning

Ah and Freddie, there I think you might have a point. And if it's any consolation I have rather changed my feelings about Neighbour-over-the-road, who is generally a friendly and inoffensive chap. I shall cease thinking of him as an officious little prick at once

Ginger, me too! Better pray this afternoon is more productive

OK. It may be that she starts off as a friend with an agenda, but who's to say that they can't end up actual proper, agenda-free friends/neighbours?
Just think it's a shame to disqualify her because to you it smacks of do-gooding.

Hope his wife isn't a mumsnetter Gizmo.

Oh we've finished!

Blimey, a thread with a beginning, a middle and an end.

Surely not.

Katisha, if it's any consolation, noisey neighbour and I are on the sort of standing where I could quite naturally slide into a chat on the street with her. If we get along, then we'll have a cup of tea...and maybe I'll invite Mr Over-the-road as well

...THE END....

Beautiful

PS,
Katisha, I think you'll find I said

'It should be because you want to befriend her. Nothing else. That is not ignoring, you can still be friendly but it's not friends with agendas.' No one mentioned excluding this woman or not trying

Oh dear...Gingerninja shall we go and argue debate on another thread as I hate to spoil the natural conclusion of this one

But

PPS I think I could certainly extrapolate that from what you were saying. The fact that "no-one mentioned not trying" does not mean that the implication was that she should leave well alone.

I don't really get your post but I never said she shouldn't try and be friends just don't try and be friends because of the incident. Essentially I think we've all decided the same outcome. Be friends, lovely. It's the motives for friendship we may differ on.

I'd keep out of it as it's none of my business.