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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why the headteacher won't authorise dd being out of school, but it's fine for others.

110 replies

Boco · 09/07/2008 17:09

In our primary school there is a policy that a child can be taken out of school for holiday for a maximum of ten days a year.

I have a free ticket for a festival working for a wildlife trust doing pond dipping, arts and crafts, owl walks, wildlife walks etc. I'd be working only 3 hours a day on friday saturday and sunday - the girls could come too and join in with all the activities. I asked for the Monday off too as it's end of term, there's nothing happening much - we won't leave the festival until monday morning.

Several of my friends are going - they've asked for permission too.

The head has written me a letter saying that she will not authorise absence for my dd and if she is not in school on the friday and monday it will go on her record as an unauthorised absence.

Friends have all been granted permission.
Even the TEACHER is going to the festival on the friday!

Why us?
Have history with this head (trauma of the birthday table) Am I being paranoid or is this a bit odd.

OP posts:
Freckle · 09/07/2008 21:58

I understand that the 10 days thing is as follows: a parent can request one authorised absence for holiday/whatever of up to 10 days per annum. That is to say that the 10 days must be taken in one go, not split up over the year. If you request 5 days and it is granted, that is your one absence for the year. The fact that you haven't taken 10 days is irrelevant. The school will not then authorise a further absence of 5 days (or less).

I would just tell the head that you are going to take dd out and that she should note it, if so minded, as an unauthorised absence.

Original poster
Boco · 09/07/2008 22:07

Thank you abbie and freckle for clarifying. It actually makes me feel much better there being an actual reason and not just unfairness because she has a problem with me. I hope it is that, and then I'll just write a letter to be kept on her file.

Birthday table - briefly, if that's possible...they had a system at the school where if it's your child's birthday you can pay for them and 11 friends to have school dinner, but at a special decorated table with balloons and cake - in the hall with everyone else. You pay for all 12 meals. Your child gets 11 presents usually. The problem was, in a very small village school - there are 12 girls in dds class. Twice, she was the only girl not invited, so she had to sit on her own eating her packed lunch - new to school and already nervous - while everyone else had a party. It was happening to children all the time. Battled it with head who refused to budge for a long time - it brought in revenue via the catering company - took many letters, visits, a petition and a chat with LEA before it was scrapped, but only with head saying 'you've only won this one because I dont' care enough aobut it, next time you won't'.

OP posts:
cheeset · 09/07/2008 22:10

Boco, that sounds insane! 'Inclusion?'

Original poster
Boco · 09/07/2008 22:11

yeah..not sure it's reached these parts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boco · 09/07/2008 22:19

and the best bit was, mnetters helped me write a totally kickass letter - adn she wouldn't read it, she told me to shred it

Which is why I'm a bit touchy about her.

OP posts:
MadBadandDangeroustoKnow · 09/07/2008 22:19

Abbie and Freckle beat me to it. I think you need to clarify with the head whether you've fallen foul of a bit of policy which is applied across the board (eg school policy says no more than one authorised absence in a year and the other children have not had other absences) or whether she's deliberating treating your request differently from others made in identical circumstances. Then decide how you want to play it.

Original poster
Boco · 09/07/2008 22:25

Well we had a letter about it which wasn't clear, it said at the discretion of head, we could take a maximum of ten days per year. It didn't say that had to be in a whole chunk, so I'd assumed not, but am hoping this is the case. However, one of the parents has already taken their children out of school for 3 weeks this term - it was due to her mother passing away and she needed to arrange the funeral etc, so maybe compassionate grounds so different, but still 3 weeks, which is why I assumed the one chunk thing wasn't the case.

OP posts:
cheeset · 09/07/2008 22:27

Head sounds like she's got it in for you, how dare you question her judgement. IMO,the people who run these institutions like schools, prisons etc are bound to get a bit power crazed as they are always telling people what to do. Obviously not everyone, but maybe they need people like you to give them some 'grounding' every once in a while.

I fell out with the head at my school big time, it's a long story and It took me a year to get over it but I lost respect for her completely.

AbbeyA · 09/07/2008 22:31

Our education authority has stopped allowing ten days, any holiday in term time has to be unauthorised.

Original poster
Boco · 09/07/2008 22:31

It's a horrible feeling isn't it because you think that you're just using common sense and saying what you think is right, but they close ranks and it feels like you're going a bit mad. Has taken me ages to put this behind me and that's why reading her letter today was really upsetting because it seems like she's just being vindictive because she can be. I really hope I'm overreacting.

OP posts:
cheeset · 09/07/2008 22:46

I felt shit waiting outside on every school run and it even crossed my mind she would be nasty to my dd!

It really affected me. I felt I had let my dd down my jepodising her future/happiness there IYSWIM?

justabout · 10/07/2008 05:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swedes · 10/07/2008 12:21

I'm sure Chris Woodhead would say take them out of school for the 2 days. They will learn far more at the wildlife trust than they will in their classroom in the last week or so of term. If she is really vindictive though, she probably will escalate the whole thing and that will be very unpleasant and stressful for you.

Could you allow your daughter an anxiety attack for which you phone NHS direct on the Friday morning? Explain (to NHS direct) that she is getting headaches. They log all their calls. Then report her to school as being unwell and take her with you. Should the head escalate the matter you have proof of authorised absence. There is no law that says your children must be at home in bed if they are off sick.

Original poster
Boco · 10/07/2008 12:21

Well, I went to see her this morning, - she was clearly expecting me.

I asked why the authorisation had been turned down and she said the only reason is because it is a festival, she does not allow time off for such events - full stop. I mentioned that I was going with family A, she said, well, that's different, they had a bereavement so I made an allowance. I said, what about family B, who we are also going with, - she said, well, that's because, errrr, they asked me ages ago. And I said, so, festivals arent' allowed, unless you ask ages ago? And she looked very cross and said, 'look, just tear up my letter then! Do another holiday form and I'll allow it - but, you might get fined!' And I said - if you're allowing it, why might I get fined? And she said 'well, it happened in Norwich, just be aware'.

I was very polite, thanked her for being so understanding and for changing her mind, told her I appreciated it, and that I'd be able to use the things I'll be doing with suffolk wildlife trust in the art groups that I run in her school - because i am NICE dammit and life would be easier without her grudge. So, we're going, and it's fine.

OP posts:
Swedes · 10/07/2008 12:24

Boco. Well done for keeping your cool. I would have been furious. She sounds dreadful.

filthymindedvixen · 10/07/2008 12:30

sorry but pmsl at ''well, it happened in Norwich so just be aware...'''

justabout · 10/07/2008 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Boco · 10/07/2008 12:36

(no not me Justa)

I was amazed it was so much easier than i'd thought though, after all that stewing last night.

The teacher was lovely - I told her what had happened before goign to head, and she said 'don't take it too seriously, just go, have a good time, but please just don't repeat that's what I've said'.

OP posts:
FabioTheTimeLordCatOfGallifrey · 10/07/2008 12:40

Well done for keeping your cool.
Am loving the 'it happened in Norwich' line - is this relevant for all eventualities? If an event occured in East Anglia is it now permissable by law the land over? We shall all call it the Law of Alan Partridge and use it conspiratorially in our daily lives, until we are all sent to the funny farm.

Swedes · 10/07/2008 12:41

(justabout - have not received your change of email details)

WendyWeber · 10/07/2008 12:43

Except that in cod's case it would have to be "it happened in Ipswich"

piratecat · 10/07/2008 12:48

lol@ Alan Partridge.

boco wel done keeping your cool. What a horrible bag.

Original poster
Boco · 10/07/2008 12:54

Lol at Alan Partridge. At our school the children are taught corby trouser press skills, tungston screw handling, and electrical superstore appreciation. And monkey tennis.

OP posts:
Guadalupe · 10/07/2008 12:55

it happened in Norwich, someone was allowed to go but they got a fine anyway???

That woman is on another planet. She sounds completely unprofessional and she knows that you know she is no good.

Well done, you can go and enjoy it now!

justabout · 10/07/2008 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.