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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to see red in Tesco's

87 replies

superflybaby · 07/07/2008 11:03

For some dumb reason me & DP took DD to Tesco's yesterday, I normally do Tesco shop on own, but we had loads of time & wanted to spend whole day together for a change.

To cut to the chase, DD threw a tantrum, not all that bad but was crying. DP was holding her and this guy goes 'will you shut that fucking baby up!'

The guy ran, DP put DD back in trolley and went after him, but couldn't find him. Wish he had as I wanted to give him a piece of friendly advice, to put it nicely!

Can't believe how rude some people are. Incredible.

OP posts:
KatieDD · 07/07/2008 18:56

She gets shouted at in the Supermarket and people are telling her to read a book ???? I wonder what planet some of you are on I really do. Good job your DH didn't catch up with him though, not worth it tbh, my DH would have laughed at him and torn him apart verbally, the best way really.

lucyellensmum · 07/07/2008 19:17

My father was the most placid person in the world, who ALWAYS walked away from trouble. But if he were with me and DD and someone had said that i wouldn't like to say what he would have done. My DP is much the same, he would walk away where i would steam in, but not under these circumstances, he would have gone ballistic.

kittywise · 07/07/2008 19:56

vanillapumpkin. I think that any male that would stand by and allow himself and his child to be shouted and sworn at and do nothing is a wimp and pretty pathetic and certainly not my idea of a man.

millknosugar, lol @ your 'mindless violent idiots" comment,each to their own I suppose but much
rather that than being a pathetic man with no backbone!

SoupDragon · 07/07/2008 20:05

kittywise, I think that any man who beat the cr*p out of someone who merely said the phrase 'will you shut that fucking baby up!' deserves to be locked up for a good long time. He also would not deserve to be anywhere near small children with that level of aggression.

Greensleeves · 07/07/2008 20:10

I would have been hurt if someone had said that to me in a supermarket, and dh would have been upset to see me hurt, and we would both have been stressed so I can't be sure we would be able to produce the turn-the-other-cheek nobility MN favours. Although if there was a reaction it would probably be from me, and verbal rather than physical

There's a whiff of the bandwagon about this thread, as soon as one person says "How pathetic to let this get to you, I'm so streewise this wouldn't touch me, and what was your dp think of " everyone else piles in for the sake of it.

and pmsl at kittywits liking a bit of rough

kittywise · 07/07/2008 20:10

I think that anyone who didn't have the backbone do give the offender a good slap probably doesn't have what it takes to look after his family properly.

kittywise · 07/07/2008 20:11

greeny

BecauseImWorthIt · 07/07/2008 20:13

another supermarket disagreement

Dangerous when things like this escalate.

The perpetrator was ignorant and offensive, but by far the best course of action is to rise above it and ignore him.

Foolish to respond with more violence.

Turniphead1 · 07/07/2008 20:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

milknosugar · 07/07/2008 20:16

and anyone who has so little intelligence they think its ok to slap someone because of a comment is raising the sort of people who in future years will think its ok to swear at kids who are screaming in supermarkets. thats where the karma comes in

Greensleeves · 07/07/2008 20:18

Did the OP actually specify what her dp was going to do? I could see my dh running after the bloke and saying "excuse me, but that was a really nasty think to say and there was no need to swear in front of our toddler. Do you think we were enjoying the crying?What would you like us to do, shove a cork down her windpipe?" or somesuch. Not clever, but not violent either and perhaps understandable in the heat of the moment?

for kittywits

SoupDragon · 07/07/2008 20:19

Kittywise, you're talking a load of b*llocks. Anyone who did give the offender a good slap for minor verbal abuse probably is the kind of person who beats his children. If that's the kind of man you like, you're a fool.

milknosugar · 07/07/2008 20:21

more kittys type maybe?

wotulookinat · 07/07/2008 20:25

Perhaps punching the man would be extreme, but saying something back, in less offensive words than he originally used, would surely be ok?

googgly · 07/07/2008 20:27

Once I was in the supermarket with ds1 aged 2.6 and ds2 aged 6 weeks, and when the trolley was 2/3 full ds2 lost the plot and started shrieking in that way that meant the only solution is boobs. Well there was nowhere to feed him (he was really slow feeder anyway) and I was more than half way through the shopping so I thought I'd better just finish and go to the car. He was really making a hell of a racket, but I got lots of sympathetic looks and then one woman came over and said "what can I do to help you?". So I burst into tears, being all hormonal, and everyone else in the shop helped me deal with the shopping at the checkout so I could get away quickly.

Personally I couldn't be less bothered by other people's kids crying, I'm always just really pleased they're not mine. But then people who aren't parents probably can't feel like that.

Def agree that it's a bad idea to chase an aggressive moron.

wotulookinat · 07/07/2008 20:31

It's always so lovely when people are helpful. Since I've moved areas, I have found that more people are sypathetic and talk to DS if he is crying/moaning etc. One lady even gave DS a teddy when he was getting restless in the doctor's waiting room. She said she had got it as a free gift and had kept it in her handbag for such an occassion - what an angel! Where I used to live you were more likey to get dirty looks or an offensive comment.

kittywise · 07/07/2008 21:10

Ooh no I'll go for Greeny's thanks, yum(slurp)

totalmisfit · 07/07/2008 21:14

dp was defending his dd's right to be a baby. good for him. i don't think he was being agressive. isn't 'shut that effing baby up' agressive then? The guy was a coward for running off. He obviously knew he had acted like a shit or he would have stuck around and dealt with the consequences of verbally abusing a young family.

totalmisfit · 07/07/2008 21:17

and everyone's assuming that he ran after him to hit the guy. perhaps he just wanted to shout back 'don't talk to my family like that' or something similar. which he would have been well within his rights to do.

mshadowsisfab · 07/07/2008 21:18

I can't see that the op's dh did anything wrong. he was defending his family. but of course that is wrong.

ScottishMummy · 07/07/2008 21:36

ah yes remonstrating using the Marquess of Queensberry rules. man swears and so hubby has a berky and chases him. oh aye very good

out of interest what would this dialogue consist of?

VanillaPumpkin · 07/07/2008 21:57

Kittywise - hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, but suddenly I realise you are serious .
My dh wouldn't stand by and let us be abused either, but he wouldn't go running after anyone .

To the OP. What a hideous experience. As this thread demonstrates there are all types of people in this world.

mshadowsisfab · 07/07/2008 22:02

dh would just give him the look he has it perfected,

kittywise · 07/07/2008 22:56

But you can't give someone 'the look' if they leg it!

aquasea · 08/07/2008 00:19

I can't believe this. At the moment there seem to be so many holier than thou people on MN. This is a clear cut case. SFB had a horrible experience with a horrible man. Someone out of nowhere SWORE at her baby. My DH would have run after him as well. Probably out of instinct, not thinking about what he would do when he caught him but he wouldn't stand by quietly while someone verbally abused his wife and baby. (FWIW I am sure my DH wouldn't have got into a physical fight over it)
scottishmummy your comment "you all sound as daft as each other" That's a bit much!
Common sense = the OP has every right to be furious so no, YANBU