to see red in Tesco's

[superflybaby]

For some dumb reason me & DP took DD to Tesco's yesterday, I normally do Tesco shop on own, but we had loads of time & wanted to spend whole day together for a change.

To cut to the chase, DD threw a tantrum, not all that bad but was crying. DP was holding her and this guy goes 'will you shut that fucking baby up!'

The guy ran, DP put DD back in trolley and went after him, but couldn't find him. Wish he had as I wanted to give him a piece of friendly advice, to put it nicely!

Can't believe how rude some people are. Incredible.

the voice of reason and a great song

In that position I daresay that the gobby git would have stood down somewhat. You may not have got an appology but I imagine that he would feel belittled, and that, along with having your say, is enough.

I still think that rather than feeling belittled and letting you have your say, someone who behaved like this would be unlikely to "let it go"

Plus he may have had mental health issues/been drunk/been high on something or just be a Very Nasty Person who doesn't actually care that you, your dp and probably most of Tesco think he was way out of order.

That's where we must agree to disagree then, as I wouldn't be able to leave it alone.

id be so upset and angry!but wouldnt let my dh chase him.what would have happened if he found him?demanded apology?or other?
this is why i shop online

I don't do confrontation any more. YOu do learn after a while that it leads you nowhere and with all these little scrotes carrying knives nowadays you can't say how a disagreement with a stranger will end up.

Phew, feel better. Thought I was being ganged up on for a moment there... just to prove me & DP are not aggressive nasties...

when it happened I was shocked & couldn't react and when DP came back he was shaking he was so angry, but I said 'don't worry, remember Karma'

He said 'don't tell me to be calmer, I'm really angry and you are not helping'

I said, no, Karma! something horrible will happen to that Man, hopefully sooner rather than later. He laughed and agreed.

I trust my DP and although he did go after him with emotions flared I know he would have done the right thing.

But the more I thought about it, the more angry I got and now it has really rattled me that we almost expect these things to happen and are too intimidated to object to them.

I don;t think its always about being too intimidated to deal with them though. If teh person had stayed I would probably have said something along the lines of "Charming, even this screaming baby has better manners than you" but I certainly wouldn't have persued someone who had already left.

Besides, I wouldn't presume to berate someone for bad langauge, not really my business even in front of DC's. I would say to DC's "silly man".

you should say "last time I looked she didn't have an off button"

and then mutter NOB HEAD under your breath as you stalk off

I always have to say something when people (very occassionaly) moan about a baby crying. FFS this was in the nappy aisle
What a horrid man.
In the past, to avoid using bad language in front of DS, I have loudly said 'now don't worry about the rude, ignorant man, he obviously has a very sad life' and then everything I saw him in the supermarket again I said something again, like 'oh dear there is that rude man again'. He was very red-faced by the end of his shopping trip!

Hiya, I had a horrible experience last year when i was on my own in the supermarket and DS2 was screaming his head off. This woman came up to me and told me to take him out of the shop to calm down or she'd "call someone". Stupid bitch.

I just said, thank you for your advice and walked off.

Theoretically, the best thing to do, but even now a year later, I still want to kill her, so lots of sympathy for your dp but it's really just as well because people like that are just crackpots.

But the karma argument works

DP was holding the baby so presumably not chasing him and yet the guy said that and ran?

Unless the guy had some kind of mental problem or was threatened I can't see why he ran.

For what it's worth he shouldn't have said it out loud, but chasing him wasn't a reasonable response.

i have had comments before, i have had to take grumpy kids to the supermarket before - but i would never chase someone for saying something. i cant see how that can be seen as anything other than aggressive, and as for shaking with anger - i think he needs to learn to control himself. the guy was an idiot but to actually chase someone for a comment they made - i think thats far worse tbh. anyone who thinks this is important enough to get themselves locked up for is going to have a hell of a time when their kids start school and all sorts of people say and do things you dont like

and yes, i do sometimes escape from the kids, but its not very easy to do your shopping in the pub so thanks for the sarcasm. i assume you dont actually enjoy listening to other peoples kids scream? i was simply pointing out that not everyone is happy to put up with screeching children and although it cannot always be avoided i think it is rude to keep a loud child somewhere and annoy everyone if it isnt necessary. and it wasnt.

Agree, it would be rude to keep an inconsolable child in a restaurant, theatre, place of enjoyment for the public.

But my child was not inconsolable, she had only just started crying, we were handling the situation just fine. We were in TESCOS in the NAPPY ISLE and some Very Rude Person decided to abuse us.

Again, if you think that is acceptable or my fault in any way then, well, what can I say.

DP was not model family man on this occaision, granted. But he is certainly not worse than the Very Rude Person for reacting, thank you very much!

Peace?

you cant assume people are out to get you because you post in aibu and they say yes. so dont worry about peace, we are not arguing, i am expressing my opinion. that is the point of this section!

you said she threw a tantrum, which to me means she had not just started crying. if you had posted that she had been crying a few seconds i would have posted differently. It may come as a surprise but you can hear things from other aisles, the nappy aisle isnt soundproofed and crying children noises can carry a long way, especially when you are tuned into them. i was just pointing out that i find crying children in supermarkets very annoying, which is why i dont take mine unless it cannot be avoided. other posters were totally behind you and thats their opinion, maybe they dont mind listening to it but i do!

i dont think it was acceptable for him to speak to you like that and i dont think it was your fault he did. but i would be far more worried about a grown male who thinks it acceptable to be physically threatening to someone because of a comment they made. two wrongs dont make a right, in the case of your dp chasing after the guy i think he was most definately worse than the other person. if he felt he had to run it says a lot about your dp imo. and the post saying their dp would be in prison if someone said that to them i found utterly shocking, what an example to set your kids!

superflybaby - FWIW my DH would have reacted in the same way.

YANBU

Everyone looks stressed out and angry in Tesco anyway, I try to shop online if I can.

Sainsburys always seems more laid back

Oh my God.
Some people take themselves very seriously don't they?
My children would learn to stand up for themselves and not to take shit from a gobby twat in a supermarket.
But in the same breath; they know not to start trouble like he did.

It's a pity your dp didn't catch him and beat the crap out of him.

I can't understand all this namby pamby" you dh shouldn't have chased him' crap.

Yes he should have, well that's what I think a man would have done.

I couldn't bear to be with a man that just stood there and did nothing, not really a 'man' as far as I'm concerned.

Nice one, Kittywise.
That'll wind a few MNers up.
I'll sit back and enjoy the show.

i am often shocked by things people think are ok, there was a thread where a full grown man grabbed a boy by the throat and everyone applauded because the boy was cheeky. apparently a man should beat the crap out of someone for making a rude comment. i just hope my kids never come across yours in their future, i can do without mindless violent idiots in my life, i prefer those who have the intelligence to realise a rude comment isnt worth getting locked up for.

This is one of the weirdest threads I've ever read on mumsnet. What the man said to the op was outrageous.

I would have ignored him completely though and reported him to the nearest member of staff.

You do have a right to shop in a supermarket without being subjected to verbal abuse.

But I would make it the shop's problem not mine.

My colleague was muttering under his breath about shutting a tantruming child up on Friday. I said to him to feel sorry for the poor mum who probably wants the ground to open up.

My colleague doesn't really understand what it's like, neither does the supermarket man.

He was complaining about a newborns' wailing as well. I'd much rather hear screams of children who can't control their impulses than adults who just can't control their manners.

Kittywise - You have a very odd impression of what a man is .
My dh is pure 'real' man, a 6ft2 rugby player. He has never punched anyone in his life. He is a loving husband and fantastic father. That is a real man imo.
Weird thread.