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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to have lost my rag in a public loo?

96 replies

TheSmallClanger · 06/07/2008 21:45

I was shopping in town yesterday while my DD and her friend were at gymnastics, and, as you do, I stopped for a wee in a department store toilet. The loo wasn't overly busy and I walked into a cubicle straight away. There were a couple of kids outside in the actual room bit, not in the cubicles, who I assumed were waiting for their mum to finish. One was a boy of about 7.
While I was in the cubicle, someone started baning on the door quite hard. I assumed it was one of the children messing around and said in my best deep, Scary Adult voice "there's someone in here". However, the banging did not stop and turned to kicking, then turned to the door flying open and me frantically pulling my knickers up. I was shocked more than anything and will admit that I shouted quite loudly at the boy - it was him and he was laughing. I didn't swear, but got pretty cross and said "don't you know how rude that is? You shouldn't try and open toilet doors like that, it's very very rude" with some extras I can't remember added on, in the same vein.
The next thing I knew, the boy's mother came charging out of a cubicle and demanded to know what's going on. I told her, probably not sounding very calm, and hse started yelling at ME not to shout at her child, he was only a little boy, he was only messing around and that I was over-reacting and obviously didn't understand kids!
TBH I just tried to get out of there as quickly as I could - I was with another child (12) who was waiting outside for me and I didn't want her to hear.
So, was I really BU? somethign tells me I wasn't!

OP posts:
tillystar · 07/07/2008 09:40

If my 7 year old behaved like that he would be made to apologise and taken out of there and given a good telling off.

I would not have excused his behaviour, I am not saying this. I would not be annoyed at someone else telling him off.

The OP asked if losing her rag was unreasonable and to me, yes on a range of reasonable responses to this situation hers seems, to me, a little exessive. To me "losing your rag" means being out of control which I don't beleive is right.

Someone said respnses like this make the OP feel bad. Sorry, I am a fairly new poster and I didn't relaise that meaning of these posts was to reassure the OP that they were right!

themildmanneredjanitor · 07/07/2008 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tillystar · 07/07/2008 09:42

If my 7 year old behaved like that he would be made to apologise and taken out of there and given a good telling off.

I would not have excused his behaviour, I am not saying this. I would not be annoyed at someone else telling him off.

The OP asked if losing her rag was unreasonable and to me, yes on a range of reasonable responses to this situation hers seems, to me, a little exessive. To me "losing your rag" means being out of control which I don't beleive is right.

Someone said respnses like this make the OP feel bad. Sorry, I am a fairly new poster and I didn't relaise that meaning of these posts was to reassure the OP that they were right!

wannaBe · 07/07/2008 09:45

I do not believe there is a single parent in the world that has never lost their temper with their own children.

If anyone comes on here and says they've never lost it with their own kids they are IMO either lying or have very selective memories.

So I think that losing it with someone else's out of control little brat child is perfectly reasonable given the circumstances. Especially considering the mother doesn't seem to give a shit.

He'll probably be stealing cars by the time he's 16.

tillystar · 07/07/2008 09:47

Sorry for posting twice.

Yep, you are right sometimes it might be difficult to control your temper and not lose your rag if you have had a bad day.

themildmanneredjanitor · 07/07/2008 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzywuzzy · 07/07/2008 09:56

She didnt lose her rag immediately tho did she, when the boy started banging on the door she said "there's someone in here", perfectly reasonable in imho.

For the record, any child of mine would deeply regret behaving in such a manner, I'd make sure of it. And being yelled at by the person they had offended would be the least of it.

tillystar · 07/07/2008 09:57

maybe I should hve read OP properly as I only just realised the door was kicked in I thought he had just kicked it, which to me does make a difference in reaction.

Yep, I can see anyone would be upset at being caught with their knickers down!

BetteNoire · 07/07/2008 10:04

Tillystar, you posted "I am not saying I would have reacted like the mother did or that is right, just that neither adult set a good example for this child".

I completely disagree.

TheSmallClanger set a perfectly good example for this child.

She taught him that if you go around being rude, destructive and behaving like a brat, you are going to piss people off, and they will be angry with you.

It is an example that his mother had clearly failed to set him, by refusing to discipline him when he needed it.

Children need boundaries, and then sanctions if they step over those boundaries.

Showing a complete lack of discipline in circumstances such as these is unfair on the child. His mother is letting him down.

MsDemeanor · 07/07/2008 10:06

Also, she could have had a younger child in the loo with her. I often have my smallest one in with me - it would have been terrifying and very dangerous to have someone kicking the door in on her.
It's just so unacceptable in every possible way.

tillystar · 07/07/2008 10:07

She also taught him if someone behaves in a way he dislikes it is OK to lose his rag.

tillystar · 07/07/2008 10:09

I have also never said that the child's behaviour was acceptable.

McDreamy · 07/07/2008 10:10

I can kind of see what you are saying Tillystar but I think in this situation the OP can be forgiven for displaying such a reaction and not considering the child's development/feelings first. I'm afraid I would be beyond what lesson I am teaching the child if it had happened to me.

What an awful and humiliating experience

howmuchchoccanIeatb4iexplode · 07/07/2008 10:15

YANBU - and DaisySteiner, good post I totally agree with your sentiments

3littlefrogs · 07/07/2008 10:18

Tillystar - she raised her voice and told him off. She didn't actually hit him or assault him! I have 2 boys (now teenagers) and believe me, if I hadn't read them the riot act and raised my voice a bit, they wouldn't be the nice, sociable, well mannered young men they are today. And - I have had my share of problems with them, believe me.

MsDemeanor · 07/07/2008 10:20

No, ideally (until his idiot mother intervened) he would have learned that some actions are SO unacceptable, violent and invasive of other people's privacy it makes them justifiably angry with you. And that is an excellent lessson to learn, one that could even save his life one day.

3littlefrogs · 07/07/2008 10:20

I really believe that many of the problems with the behaviour of teenagers and children today is because adults generally are afraid to speak up when they see bad behaviour in public. And as for the mother of this boy - well - I despair.

tillystar · 07/07/2008 10:21

YANBU - what does that mean?

3littlefrogs · 07/07/2008 10:22

Tillystar - how old are your children?

I ask only because I do think our views change a bit as our own children get older.

TheHedgeWitch · 07/07/2008 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MinkyChunky · 07/07/2008 10:30

You should of done a big poo on her shoes.

tillystar · 07/07/2008 10:31

They are 7 and 6 months.

Of course I have lost my rag with my 7 year old. I just know its not ideal and certainly not reasonable and I wish I didn't!

I am not saying that I don't give him a good telling off, I certainly do. Its when you lose control that something isn't right - I believe.

I am always complimented on his manners and behaviour so I don't think that making a point of trying not to lose my temper with him has harmed him. You can talk loudly and with authority (in fact more so) without resorting to wildly screaming at kids.

You are right though, by the time he is 13 I will probably think hanging is too good for him!

tillystar · 07/07/2008 10:35

minkychunky

3littlefrogs · 07/07/2008 10:37

I don't think the op was wildly screaming. She was shocked and upset and told the boy off. I don't see a problem with that TBH. If one of my dss had behaved like that, at that age, I would by livid.

SparklyGothKat · 07/07/2008 11:36

I would have reacted in the same way, what a nasty child, and as for the mother

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